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‘Mr. Monk and the Three Julies’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Monk: Mr. Monk and the Three Julies

613. Mr. Monk and the Three Julies

Aired January 25, 2008

Natalie is terrified after two women named Julie Teeger are murdered on the same day.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Adrian Monk: Her name is definitely Julie Teeger, spelled the same?
Lieutenant Disher: Actually, these kind of things happen all the time. I once took this course in statistics. There was this woman in Michigan. She won the lottery. Next day, she got bit by a shark.
Adrian Monk: And what does that prove?
Lieutenant Disher: I don't know. I ended up dropping the class.

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Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: What the hell happened? It was only two miles.
Natalie: I took a short cut. I cut across the creek.
Captain Stottlemeyer: There's no bridge across the creek.
Natalie: I know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: There's no bridge across the creek.
Natalie: Yes, I know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: There's no bridge across the creek.
Natalie: Captain, I am sorry. I will pay for everything.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, it's okay. It's insured.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, remember, sir, you did say that any parent would have done the same thing.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Uh-huh. I think I need to be alone.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Adrian Monk: What about the other idea? You said you had two.
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, yeah, it's just a long shot.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [grabs DVD from under Randy's arm] The Terminator?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, just brainstorming, you know?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You think he might be a robot assassin sent from the future?
Lieutenant Disher: Well, he was killing women with the same names. Forget it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [as Arnold Schwarzenegger] Sarah Connor, come with me if you want to live.
Lieutenant Disher: That was T.2.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Maybe we could lure him to a smelting plant on the outskirts of town.
Lieutenant Disher: Can I have that back, please?
Captain Stottlemeyer: And things of this nature.

Quote from Dr. Kroger

Adrian Monk: I just want to thank you again for seeing me on such short notice. Were you sleeping?
Dr. Kroger: No, no, no. Happy to do it.
Adrian Monk: Your wife wasn't too happy. I could hear her in the background.
Dr. Kroger: No, Madeline is fine. It's part of the job and she knows that.
Adrian Monk: Does she have Tourette's syndrome?
Dr. Kroger: Yes. Yes, she does.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Lieutenant Disher: Can I eat these now? He doesn't want me to get crumbs on the seat.
Adrian Monk: New car?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yep, they finally signed off on her last night. After about three years of begging and pleading and weeping openly. What do you think of that color? You like it? I love that color.
Adrian Monk: It's black, isn't it?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, it's Midnight Onyx. Yeah, it's got satellite radio. Eight speakers. Randy, what the hell are you doing? You're getting salt all over the hood.
Natalie: Does he remind you of anybody?
Adrian Monk: No. You- You missed a spot there. [Monk & Stottlemeyer wipe the hood]

Quote from Dr. Kroger

Dr. Kroger: So, a glass eyeball?
Adrian Monk: The mother died three months ago. The son never reported it.
Dr. Kroger: Wait, did the son kill the mother?
Adrian Monk: The doctors say no. It was a heart aneurysm. Her son, Matthew, is an amateur taxidermist. He stuffed her body. Carried her from room to room like nothing happened.
Dr. Kroger: Yeah, I have heard of cases like that. See, he couldn't function without her. They call it radical cognitive bonding.
Adrian Monk: At least I never dug Trudy up and had her stuffed and mounted, right?
Dr. Kroger: Yes, and I've always been very proud of you for that.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: I remember this box was here in your living room the day your wife was killed. And I found this piece in the other Julie's townhouse.
Lieutenant Disher: It's a perfect fit.
George Teeger: I don't understand. What does that prove?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It proves that you killed both women, Mr. Teeger. First your wife, then the other Julie.
Adrian Monk: You were having an extra-marital sex affair.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Adrian Monk: He had a knife?
Lieutenant Disher: Strapped to his leg.
Adrian Monk: Randy, victim- Victim one was killed with a steak knife.
Lieutenant Disher: I don't know. I mean, he's a knife freak. Didn't wanna get his own knife dirty. I mean, Monk, the guy's certifiable. Thought I was his mother. He's crazier than you. Grant. Hugh Grant. You know him. That actor? The crazy actor. Four Weddings and a Funeral.

Quote from Natalie

Natalie: Speaking of cars, guess where Julie is today.
Adrian Monk: Yeah?
Natalie: Driver's ed. She's taking her test tomorrow. Can you believe it? She wants me to get her a used car, but I don't know what to do.
Adrian Monk: Just say no. You obviously can't afford it.
Natalie: Have you ever tried saying no to a teenager?
Adrian Monk: How hard can it be?
Natalie: It's impossible. They're like a force of nature. It's like walking into a hurricane.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: Sir, would you like to sit down?
Adrian Monk: Hold on, let me- Let me move this stuff here. Look at the size of that handkerchief.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, that's not a handkerchief. That's somebody's underwear.
Adrian Monk: Hey hey hey hey! Hey hey!
Jonah Brown: He hates underwear?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes. [takes the underwear] There you go. [clears a seat for the old man]
Adrian Monk: Thank you. [sits down] Thank you.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: She's okay. She's fine. Natalie just picked her up. She's heading home. I want a car outside of her house 24/7. Make it two cars. And a uniform at her back door. Course she's gonna feel sorry for him and invite him in. Tell him to stay outside and to stay sharp.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Police Technician: Tape is rolling. [sneezes] Could you hand me a Kleenex?
Adrian Monk: "Kills 99.9% of cold and flu viruses." Only 99.9?

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Captain Stottlemeyer: [over radio] Randy, what are you doing?
Lieutenant Disher: My bra's itching. How do they walk around in this stuff?
Police Technician: This is a new low.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Actually, it's not a new low. That's the sad part.

Quote from Natalie

Adrian Monk: Natalie.
Natalie: It's not her. It's not Julie.
Adrian Monk: Thank God.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Another Julie Teeger. What are the odds of that?
Natalie: Yeah, sorry about that.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's only a mirror. It's just a mirror.
Natalie: Leland, I'm so sorry. I heard the name, and I just thought Julie-
Captain Stottlemeyer: Natalie, any parent would have done the same thing.

Quote from Natalie

Natalie: [on the phone] It's me again. Please, I need to hear your voice. Call me when you get this.
Dispatcher: [over radio] Tentative id on the victim is Julie Teeger.
Uniform Officer: Unit Nine, could you repeat the name of the victim?
Dispatcher: Julie Teeger. That's T for Thomas. Teeger.
Uniform Officer: Nine, this has gotta be a mix-up. We're at the Teeger scene on Bose street.
Dispatcher: I don't know what to tell you, buddy. I'm looking at her ID right now. Julie Teeger. The picture matches. It's definitely hers.
Natalie: Oh, my God.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: It's not her. It's not her.
Adrian Monk: Another Julie Teeger?
Natalie: It's impossible.
Adrian Monk: Very nearly.
Natalie: But this one is totally different. It was an accident. She was a graduate student. She was on her bike. Probably riding home. And some guy hit her and just kept on going.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Hmm.
Lieutenant Disher: What is it?
Adrian Monk: Her bike. She has all the safety features. Flashers, two mirrors. She was obviously very careful.
Natalie: So?
Adrian Monk: So what was she doing on the wrong side of the road?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Lieutenant Disher: Monk. Check this out.
Adrian Monk: What is it?
Lieutenant Disher: This bruise, it's square.
Adrian Monk: It's from a trailer hitch. Captain, he chased her Across the park. He hit her. And then he backed up to finish the her off.
Captain Stottlemeyer: He backed up?
Adrian Monk: He ran her over. This was no accident.
Captain Stottlemeyer: There are two homicides. Same name on the same day.
Adrian Monk: Is somebody killing Julie Teegers?
Natalie: Oh, my God.

Quote from Julie Teeger

Mr. Carlson: Ms Teeger, what are you doing?
Julie Teeger: Turning.
Mr. Carlson: I could have sworn we just passed a stop sign. But I must have been imagining things. Just pull over.
Julie Teeger: Sorry, I didn't see it.
Mr. Carlson: I can understand that. They hid it so cleverly. On top of that big post. All right, Miss Teeger, let's be adventurous. Let's try a three point turn. Now, what's the first thing you do?
Julie Teeger: Pray. I'm- I'm just kidding. That was a joke.
Mr. Carlson: You might want to save all your prayers for your driving test tomorrow.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Adrian Monk: How many Julie Teegers do you think there could be?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I have no idea. We're checking the phone directories.
Adrian Monk: What about children? They wouldn't all be listed.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's true. Check the schools, public and private, and birth records.
Detective: The whole country?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Start in California. Work your way up the coast.
Adrian Monk: What about women who are married who changed their names?
Captain Stottlemeyer: He's right. Call social security.
Detective: You got it. When you do want it?
Captain Stottlemeyer: How about now?
Detective: How about tonight?
Captain Stottlemeyer: How about you get busy?

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