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‘Mr. Monk and the Three Julies’ Quotes

Monk: Mr. Monk and the Three Julies

613. Mr. Monk and the Three Julies

Aired January 25, 2008

Natalie is terrified after two women named Julie Teeger are murdered on the same day.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Adrian Monk: Her name is definitely Julie Teeger, spelled the same?
Lieutenant Disher: Actually, these kind of things happen all the time. I once took this course in statistics. There was this woman in Michigan. She won the lottery. Next day she got bit by a shark.
Adrian Monk: And what does that prove?
Lieutenant Disher: I don't know. I ended up dropping the class.

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Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: What the hell happened? It was only two miles.
Natalie: I took a short cut. I cut across the creek.
Captain Stottlemeyer: There's no bridge across the creek.
Natalie: I know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: There's no bridge across the creek.
Natalie: Yes, I know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: There's no bridge across the creek.
Natalie: Captain, I am sorry. I will pay for everything.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, it's okay. It's insured.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, remember, sir, you did say that any parent would have done the same thing.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Uh-huh. I think I need to be alone.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Adrian Monk: What about the other idea? You said you had two.
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, yeah, it's just a long shot.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [grabs DVD from under Randy's arm] The Terminator?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, just brainstorming, you know?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You think he might be a robot assassin sent from the future?
Lieutenant Disher: Well, he was killing women with the same names. Forget it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [as Arnold Schwarzenegger] Sarah Connor, come with me if you want to live.
Lieutenant Disher: That was T.2.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Maybe we could lure him to a smelting plant on the outskirts of town.
Lieutenant Disher: Can I have that back, please?
Captain Stottlemeyer: And things of this nature.

Quote from Dr. Kroger

Adrian Monk: I just want to thank you again for seeing me on such short notice. Were you sleeping?
Dr. Kroger: No, no, no. Happy to do it.
Adrian Monk: Your wife wasn't too happy. I could hear her in the background.
Dr. Kroger: No, Madeline is fine. It's part of the job and she knows that.
Adrian Monk: Does she have Tourette's syndrome?
Dr. Kroger: Yes. Yes, she does.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Lieutenant Disher: Can I eat these now? He doesn't want me to get crumbs on the seat.
Adrian Monk: New car?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yep, they finally signed off on her last night. After about three years of begging and pleading and weeping openly. What do you think of that color? You like it? I love that color.
Adrian Monk: It's black, isn't it?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, it's Midnight Onyx. Yeah, it's got satellite radio. Eight speakers. Randy, what the hell are you doing? You're getting salt all over the hood.
Natalie: Does he remind you of anybody?
Adrian Monk: No. You- You missed a spot there. [Monk & Stottlemeyer wipe the hood]

Quote from Dr. Kroger

Dr. Kroger: So, a glass eyeball?
Adrian Monk: The mother died three months ago. The son never reported it.
Dr. Kroger: Wait, did the son kill the mother?
Adrian Monk: The doctors say no. It was a heart aneurysm. Her son, Matthew, is an amateur taxidermist. He stuffed her body. Carried her from room to room like nothing happened.
Dr. Kroger: Yeah, I have heard of cases like that. See, he couldn't function without her. They call it radical cognitive bonding.
Adrian Monk: At least I never dug Trudy up and had her stuffed and mounted, right?
Dr. Kroger: Yes, and I've always been very proud of you for that.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: I remember this box was here in your living room the day your wife was killed. And I found this piece in the other Julie's townhouse.
Lieutenant Disher: It's a perfect fit.
George Teeger: I don't understand. What does that prove?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It proves that you killed both women, Mr. Teeger. First your wife, then the other Julie.
Adrian Monk: You were having an extra-marital sex affair.

Quote from Natalie

Natalie: Speaking of cars, guess where Julie is today.
Adrian Monk: Yeah?
Natalie: Driver's ed. She's taking her test tomorrow. Can you believe it? She wants me to get her a used car, but I don't know what to do.
Adrian Monk: Just say no. You obviously can't afford it.
Natalie: Have you ever tried saying no to a teenager?
Adrian Monk: How hard can it be?
Natalie: It's impossible. They're like a force of nature. It's like walking into a hurricane.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: Sir, would you like to sit down?
Adrian Monk: Hold on, let me- Let me move this stuff here. Look at the size of that handkerchief.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, that's not a handkerchief. That's somebody's underwear.
Adrian Monk: Hey hey hey hey! Hey hey!
Jonah Brown: He hates underwear?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes. [takes the underwear] There you go.
Adrian Monk: Thank you. [sits down] Thank you.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: She's okay. She's fine. Natalie just picked her up. She's heading home. I want a car outside of her house 24/7. Make it two cars. And a uniform at her back door. Course she's gonna feel sorry for him and invite him in. Tell him to stay outside and to stay sharp.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Police Technician: Tape is rolling. [sneezes] Could you hand me a Kleenex?
Adrian Monk: "Kills 99.9% of cold and flu viruses." Only 99.9?

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Captain Stottlemeyer: [over radio] Randy, what are you doing?
Lieutenant Disher: My bra's itching. How do they walk around in this stuff?
Police Technician: This is a new low.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Actually, it's not a new low. That's the sad part.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Adrian Monk: He had a knife?
Lieutenant Disher: Strapped to his leg.
Adrian Monk: Randy, victim- Victim one was killed with a steak knife.
Lieutenant Disher: I don't know. I mean, he's a knife freak. Didn't wanna get his own knife dirty. I mean, Monk, the guy's certifiable. Thought I was his mother. He's crazier than you. Grant. Hugh Grant. You know him. That actor? The crazy actor. Four Weddings and a Funeral.


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