Lieutenant Disher: Captain? I tracked down Kalimarakis. I don't think he's our guy. Number one, it turns out he was allowed to join the Olympic swim team as an alternate. He, uh, got a waiver.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So there's no motive.
Lieutenant Disher: Right. Number two, he's dead. He died in 1995. And number three, he moved to Europe in the late '80s. So there's no record of him ever returning-
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy. Randy, excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt you but could you read number two again?
Lieutenant Disher: Okeydoke. He's dead.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Right. See, I probably would have stopped reading after number two. In fact, I would have read number two first.
Lieutenant Disher: You would have switched 'em?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. But that's just me. And probably every other adult on the planet Earth.

Adrian Monk: You had a girlfriend with short red hair.
Todd: Belinda.
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Todd: Yeah, yeah. She and I, we got married. But, uh, she passed away.
Adrian Monk: Oh, my wife died too. Trudy Ellison. Yeah.
Todd: It's tough, huh? But you just have to move on.
Adrian Monk: No, we can't move on. We can try, but we'll never get past it. It's unrelenting. All we can do is live out our days alone in hopeless, quiet desperation.

Adrian Monk: Natalie, I think I've seen enough. Let's just go.
Natalie: No, I'm not gonna let you go. You've been looking so forward to this.
Adrian Monk: I don't know what I was thinking. These people weren't my friends. Okay? They don't even remember me. The truth is, I was invisible. It was Trudy they loved. I was always just the guy with Trudy. Just like you're the girl with me.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, why is your name on the spit shield?
Adrian Monk: Oh, when I was here, there was nothing protecting the food.
Natalie: So you donated all of these? That is so generous of you.
Adrian Monk: Well, actually, it was more of a lawsuit. Took up a lot of my spare time.

Lieutenant Disher: Hey, Monk. How's memory lane?
Adrian Monk: Oh, pretty awful. Thanks for asking.

Adrian Monk: The last time I saw you was Mischief Night. You and your friends were throwing toilet paper everywhere, right?
Todd: Mischief Night. That's right.
Adrian Monk: Right.
Todd: I don't remember you.
Adrian Monk: I wasn't with you. I was following you. I was cleaning up.
Todd: Was that you?

Adrian Monk: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I can't believe it. He's still here. Hello, old friend. Remember me? Oh, I knew we'd meet again. It is our destiny. [puts hand on freezer] Natalie, put your hand right there. Do you feel that?
Natalie: No.
Adrian Monk: He's afraid. Step back. Step back. I'm going in. I'm gonna need a spatula, a pan and a Bible.

Adrian Monk: Just some water.
Waiter: Ice?
Adrian Monk: Ten.
Waiter: Ten what?
Adrian Monk: Cubes.

Natalie: Mr. Monk, come on. Let's have some fun. You said you were gonna show me your dorm room.
Adrian Monk: All right. It's right here. This is it. Old 303. Tie on the doorknob. My roommate and I did the same thing. It's a code.
Natalie: Yeah, I think I might know about that.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. It means don't come in, I'm reorganizing my closet.
Natalie: Your closet?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, my roommate freshman year, Greg. He reorganized his closet, four or five times a week.
Natalie: Uh-huh. And did his girlfriend ever come over to help?
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah. All the time. They were real neat freaks. I used to tease him about it. "Neat freak."

Captain Stottlemeyer: Folks! Excuse me. Could you kill the music? Thank you. Sorry to interrupt your dinner.
This will just take a minute. My name's Captain Leland Stottlemeyer. I'm with the San Francisco Police Department. And we're working on a homicide investigation and we could use your help. As you may know, a woman was killed on Friday night. Her name was Katherine Rutherford. She worked as a nurse at the university clinic. Now, we have reason to believe that someone in your class - possibly somebody in this room - might be involved. We're looking for information. If anyone knows anyone who might have had a grudge against Mrs. Rutherford either now or in the past or someone who might be missing their reunion lapel pin... The alumni reunion...
[The crowd boos when a photograph of a young Stottlemeyer in uniform at a campus No Nukes protest appears on the slideshow]
Captain Stottlemeyer: All right. Hey, hey, hey. Settle down. Settle down, everybody. This is completely out of context. You can't tell the whole story from one photograph.
[The next slide shows Stottlemeyer with a protester in a head lock]
Captain Stottlemeyer: You didn't have a permit.
Man: [o.s.] Yes, we did.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It expired at noon.
[The next photograph shows Stottlemeyer dragging a protester away while pointing to the clock tower, which shows the time is just after twelve]
Man: [o.s.] It's 12:06!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Like I said, it expired at noon.

Adrian Monk: Is it straight? I can't get it straight.
Natalie: Why don't you just stand at a slight angle?