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‘Mr. Monk and the Birds and the Bees’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Monk: Mr. Monk and the Birds and the Bees

605. Mr. Monk and the Birds and the Bees

Aired August 10, 2007

As Monk works to prove a husband killed his wife and a supposed intruder, Natalie worries about a new young man in Julie's life.

Quote from Natalie

Tim: Julie's t-shirt?
Natalie: That's what this whole thing has been about.
Tim: Her t-shirt? I don't understand.
Natalie: Tim, I've been waiting a long time to say this. Here's what happened. We know Dewey Jordan has been here. Mr. Monk noticed some game coupons in his apartment. Rob Sherman and Dewey Jordan met a couple weeks ago at the courthouse. Sherman probably told Dewey he was pulling some kind of insurance scam, but they had to meet again some place to work out the details. They met here at the pier. It was perfect; noisy, a big crowd, nobody would notice them.
Tim: But I don't understand, what does all this have to do with Julie?
Natalie: It was the same day you and Julie were here getting your picture taken.
Tim: Our picture?
Natalie: Exactly. The photographer had you pose right over there. But there were other people standing behind you. That's where Mr. Monk had seen them together. On Julie's t-shirt. They were in the background the whole time.
Tim: That would make sense. That's why he was acting so weird that day we met him.
Natalie: When Mr. Sherman saw that t-shirt, he knew he was in trouble. He saw Julie hanging out with Mr. Monk, the Captain, and Randy. It was only a matter of time before somebody noticed it.
Tim: I know, but why didn't he just try to steal it?
Natalie: Much too risky. Remember, he didn't have to destroy the shirt. He just wanted Julie to stop wearing it. So he had his girlfriend contact Clay. She pretended to be Julie's Aunt.
Tim: I get it. Julie breaks up with me and she never wears the shirt again.
Natalie: She's right, you are pretty smart. That's why we're here. The Captain's getting a search warrant. The photo booth keeps backup copies of all the pictures.
Tim: Uh, copy? Why- Why do you need a copy? Where's the t-shirt?
Natalie: Julie burned it.
Tim: She what?
Natalie: Sorry.

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Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: Mr. Monk, please. This is important to me. Julie loves you. You're like family, you know that.
Adrian Monk: Just I can't- I just can't. Why don't you ask the Captain or anybody else. When it comes to this particular issue, I'm probably the least qualified person in North America.
Natalie: That's what makes you perfect. You waited for Trudy. You were faithful. You respected her. You're a wonderful role model.
Adrian Monk: Huh?
Natalie: In this particular case.
Adrian Monk: Why don't you just give it a few weeks? See how it goes. I always find doing nothing and never mentioning it again is always the best policy.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Julie Teeger: What's going on?
Adrian Monk: She wanted me to talk to you about... Certain things about life. And, uh... And things... [whispers] She's right out front. [loudly] She thought it might be helpful if you had someone you could talk to. [whispers] I'm supposed to be giving you the big talk.
Julie Teeger: [whispers] Why?
Adrian Monk: Because you're dating an older boy.
Julie Teeger: No, I mean why you?
Adrian Monk: That's what I said. [loudly] See, Julie, the years between 14 and 32 are a very confusing time for a young girl.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, they're two blurs. Even for blurs, they're blurry. Can you make it bigger?
Lieutenant Disher: It's already enhanced.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, that could be anybody. That could be Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.
Lieutenant Disher: But they're both dead.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Ginger Rogers is not dead.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I'm pretty sure she is dead. I'm sorry. Even if she wasn't, what would Fred and Ginger be doing in the courthouse?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm not saying it is Fred and Ginger, I'm just saying that you can't tell who or what they are.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, look. Right There. [starts drawing on the screen] See? He comes in, they shake hands. That is definitely Rob Sherman.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Is that a permanent marker?
Lieutenant Disher: No, it'll come off.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't think so.
Lieutenant Disher: [attempts to wipe it off] Have you seen the new screens? Pretty beautiful. Flat.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You're worse than Monk.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Rob Sherman: So what happens now?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, the D.A. will file a report. And I don't think have anything to worry about. Kid broke into your house. You had every right to defend yourself. I'm not supposed to say this, but I would've done the same thing. In fact, I would've emptied my gun into the creep.
Adrian Monk: Why didn't you?
Rob Sherman: Why didn't I what?
Adrian Monk: Empty your gun. You only fired once. I would think in the heat of the moment-
Rob Sherman: That's all I needed one shot.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's all he need.
Rob Sherman: I guess that's it. Um, thank you very much, Captain. Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: What do you think?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I think he's the man.
Adrian Monk: I don't think he's the man. I think he's the guy.

Quote from Julie Teeger

Natalie: I'm not saying no. I'm just saying that I have to think about it. When did he ask you?
Julie Teeger: Just now. Like, ten minutes ago.
Natalie: I didn't hear the phone ring.
Julie Teeger: It's called a text message. Welcome to the 21st century, mom.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: No, I'm not worried about the party. I'm worried about after the party. Oh, God, Mitch. I miss you. Mr. Monk? Will you talk to her?
Adrian Monk: Me?
Natalie: Please, I don't know who else to ask. There's no man in her life.
Adrian Monk: What about him?
Natalie: Who, Mr. Morrissey?
Adrian Monk: Kids respect landlords. I think it's the keys.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Julie Teeger: It's just, how did you know?
Adrian Monk: Okay, look I used to wonder the same thing. When I met Trudy, I said, "Now I see." Now I see why I'm here.
Julie Teeger: Was it wonderful?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. I loved falling in love with her. Every day, every morning, I fell in love with her again. I think what your mother has been trying to say is just don't worry. All your dreams will come true. They don't have to come true this weekend. Right? You can take your time. You can wait.
Julie Teeger: Until I find Trudy.
Adrian Monk: Just wait for Trudy. Believe in Trudy. Trudy will come. Now stop crying. And let me out of here.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Julie Teeger: Tim and I are gonna hang out here for a while. I mean, if that's okay.
Natalie: Sure, go ahead. Have fun.
Adrian Monk: Have fun. [Julie kisses Monk on the cheek] What- What's that for?
Julie Teeger: Our little talk. [they walk away]
Adrian Monk: [to Natalie] Wipe.
Natalie: No.
Adrian Monk: Natalie.
Natalie: No, that one stays on.
Adrian Monk: For how long?
Natalie: Maybe forever.
Adrian Monk: I can feel it.
Natalie: Good.
Adrian Monk: Come on, I'm not gonna wipe it off. I'm just gonna dab it.

Quote from Natalie

Julie Teeger: This is my third tardy in two weeks.
Natalie: Ugh, all right, all right, all right. You're right. Okay, one second. I'll take care of it. "Dear Mr. Franklin, please excuse my daughter Julie and her boyfriend"-
Julie Teeger: Mom.
Natalie: Sorry "Friend, Tim Sussman. They are late to school today because as I was driving them my boss was called in to the scene of a double homicide. Thank you, Natalie Teeger." All right, so if he has any questions just have him call me.
Julie Teeger: I'm sure he will.

Quote from Julie Teeger

Natalie: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're not wearing that t-shirt.
Julie Teeger: Why not?
Natalie: Because it's not appropriate honey. You're in high school now.
Julie Teeger: I can't take it off. And I promised him I'd wear it every day.
Natalie: Uh-huh. For how long?
Julie Teeger: Til I die.
Natalie: You're gonna wear that t-shirt until you die?
Julie Teeger: That's the plan.
Natalie: No, no, no, no.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Lieutenant Disher: So he comes running downstairs. The intruder fires, misses, hits the wall. Husband returns fire. Bang. One shot. End of story.
Adrian Monk: One shot. Bang. End of Story. The soles of his shoes are clean.
Lieutenant Disher: So?
Adrian Monk: Well, he cut through the garden out back. You think he wiped his feet?
Lieutenant Disher: Well, it makes sense. He did want to leave footprints.
Adrian Monk: But he did leave footprints on the patio. I saw them when I came in. Why would he wipe his feet?
Lieutenant Disher: You wiped your feet.
Adrian Monk: But I'm me. That doesn't count. Why would a kid - a burglar - stop and wipe his feet? That doesn't make any sense.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Rob Sherman: Hey, excuse me. Hello? yeah, you. Right, yeah. Did you wipe your feet?
Adrian Monk: Did I-
Rob Sherman: Wipe your feet? It's a $23,000 rug.
Adrian Monk: Yes, sir. I wiped them when I came in. Ten times. I don't believe we've met.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Rob Sherman, this is Adrian Monk. He's a consultant with us, and I can assure you that Mr. Monk's feet are clean. In fact, you could probably eat off them.
Rob Sherman: It's nothing personal. It's just it was my wife's favorite rug.
Adrian Monk: I understand. Sorry for your loss.
Rob Sherman: I guess it, uh, hasn't completely sunk in.
Adrian Monk: It will. It'll sink in. Completely.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Lieutenant Disher: How's it going?
Adrian Monk: Somebody unplugged the phone. He kept the gun in here?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: Is this how you found it?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, we locked the place down.
Adrian Monk: He heard his wife screaming. He opened the box, he grabbed the gun.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, that's what the man said.
Adrian Monk: The box is closed, latched. If I heard my wife screaming, I wouldn't stop and close the box. Would you?
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, I'm not married.
Adrian Monk: Her slippers. According to the husband, she went downstairs because she was cold.
Lieutenant Disher: If she was cold, why didn't she put on her slippers?
Adrian Monk: That's a good question.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah. You'll get the next one.

Quote from Julie Teeger

Rob Sherman: Excuse me. This is private property here, okay? Shouldn't you guys be in school?
Julie Teeger: We're with my mom. Natalie Teeger. She's here with Mr. Monk.
Tim: Yeah, she just went in to get him.
Rob Sherman: And you are?
Tim: I'm... I'm nobody.
Julie Teeger: His name is Tim. He's my boyfriend.
Rob Sherman: Yeah, I can see that from the shirt. So where were you guys Some amusement park?
Julie Teeger: Um, yeah, the Bay City Pier. He works there.
Rob Sherman: Guess there's no such thing as dress codes anymore, huh?

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