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‘Mr. Monk Is on the Run (Part Two)’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Monk: Mr. Monk Is on the Run (Part Two)

616. Mr. Monk Is on the Run (Part Two)

Aired February 22, 2008

After helping Monk stage his own death, Stottlemeyer works to unravel Sheriff Rollins' web of lies is doing. Meanwhile, Monk tries to lay low in Nevada with a job at a car wash.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Natalie: I have to talk to you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Natalie, what are you doing?
Natalie: Is this him? It's him, isn't it? He's the "Car Wash Columbo."
Captain Stottlemeyer: "Car Wash Columbo". Uh, Reginald, we need to take a break.
Reginald: Cool, I'll wait outside.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Nice try, kid. Jackson, could you baby-sit my young friend here for a minute? Go on.
Natalie: It's him, isn't it? [off Stottlemeyer's look] Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. [hitting Stottlemeyer] Why didn't you tell me?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Natalie, Natalie, Natalie, Natalie. I am so sorry.
Natalie: You're sorry?! But how?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Bulletproof vest. We couldn't tell anybody. "Leland Rodriguez"?
Natalie: That's his name.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, that's just stupid.

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Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: Hey, Captain. Are you okay?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?
Lieutenant Disher: No reason. Rollins is still in the office. The guys are wearing these for Monk. We weren't sure if you wanted to wear it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Of course I do, Randy. Thank you. [Disher holds up another arm band] Uh, two?
Lieutenant Disher: For the other arm.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Right.
Lieutenant Disher: To make it even.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Make 'em even. Monk.

Quote from Natalie

Natalie: And so these are gonna go to his brother Ambrose's house, and those will go to my garage.
Moving Guy: All these books. What was he, a professor?
Natalie: No, a detective. An amazing detective. He could look at a room or a person and see things that nobody else could see.
Moving Guy: Like the car wash guy.
Natalie: Yeah. What car wash guy?
Moving Guy: The guy in Nevada. I was just reading about him. Here. It's in today's paper. They call him the "Car Wash Columbo." He solved a big hit-and-run case single-handedly. Yeah. Sounds like a real character. His boss says it takes him a whole hour to wipe down every car. Won't even use the same rag twice.
Natalie: Can I see that?
Moving Guy: Yeah.
Natalie: There's no picture.
Moving Guy: I guess he's modest too.
Natalie: "Leland Rodriguez." His name is Leland?

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: [playing guitar and singing] Tru, Trudy, Trudy. Okay. Okay, I'm gonna, just give you a little heads up before the service. It's, uh, it's kind of a protest song. It's gonna be pretty controversial, especially the tenth verse, where I talk about the actual shooting. I mean, I don't mention you by name. I just, I call you "the man."
Captain Stottlemeyer: The tenth verse? Randy, how many verses are there in total?
Lieutenant Disher: 14, so far. And a bridge.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Good.
Lieutenant Disher: [plays long guitar solo] ... [sings] Why tell me why Did a good man have to die? Shot down in his prime 48 or 49 Why tell me why Did a good man
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy.
Lieutenant Disher: ...have to die?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, he's not dead.
Lieutenant Disher: Has-
Captain Stottlemeyer: We faked it. Monk jumped off the pier. He was wearing a bulletproof vest.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Hello, Dale.
Dale Biederbeck: Adrian Monk. Why am I not surprised?
Adrian Monk: I tried to call, but apparently your phone's been disconnected.
Dale Biederbeck: Yes, I should've done it years ago. Fewer distractions.
Adrian Monk: I see they took your bed and your computer.
Dale Biederbeck: They were cluttering up the room. You know me, Monk. I've always been a simple man of philosophic joys.
Adrian Monk: And they're making you eat in the cafeteria now. That can't be fun. At least you won't be eating alone. Your little friend Sheriff Rollins will be joining you soon. He's talking to the D.A. right now. Telling him everything about how you hired Frank Nunn to plant that bomb and then killed Nunn and tried to frame me for it. Might want to save a seat for the Lieutenant Governor too.
Dale Biederbeck: Are you having fun?
Adrian Monk: No. But it's as close as I'm ever gonna get.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dale Biederbeck: What did you win, Monk? Nothing! We're both back where we started.
Adrian Monk: Not exactly. The police in Dourados found something in Frank Nunn's apartment. Some old letters. He talked about killing Trudy. He mentioned the man who hired him.
Dale Biederbeck: You have a name!
Adrian Monk: Yeah, not quite. Nunn called him "The Judge."
Dale Biederbeck: The Judge. I can't help you, Adrian.
Adrian Monk: Can't or won't?
Dale Biederbeck: A little lead. How exciting. That should keep you off the street for a while.
Adrian Monk: The important thing is that you're off the street.
Dale Biederbeck: [laughs] You really think these bars can hold me?
Adrian Monk: [kicks the bars] Yeah. They seem pretty strong. Have a good life, Dale.
Dale Biederbeck: It's true, Adrian Monk! I'm in prison, but you're in a worse prison! You're trapped! Trapped by your own demons! You're in your own private hell! I wouldn't trade places with you for a billion dollars! I mean, another billion dollars! You hear me? Come back here! I'm not done!
Adrian Monk: Yes, you are.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: He's alive. He's alive.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yep. He's in hiding until we figure out what the hell's going on.
Lieutenant Disher: I can't believe it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You okay?
Lieutenant Disher: Did- Yeah, I'm thrilled, yeah. Yeah, I just-
Captain Stottlemeyer: You look disappointed.
Lieutenant Disher: It's just, it's the best song I ever wrote.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, well, save it. It's a great song. He's gonna die one day.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, but you're not gonna shoot him.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You never know.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Morning.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Good morning, Monk. How do you feel?
Adrian Monk: I don't know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: How about happy to be alive?
Adrian Monk: No, that's not it.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: I brought you some water and some dry clothes.
Adrian Monk: Where- Where's everybody else?
Captain Stottlemeyer: They're looking for your body. They found your jacket about two miles south. That should keep them busy for a while. Hey, not too shabby for somebody who can't swim.
Adrian Monk: Well, I was highly motivated. What should I do now?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You don't do anything. You're a dead man. You disappear. I'm gonna poke around a bit and see if I can't figure out what's going on. Whatever it is, it's big. Scary big.
Adrian Monk: You think I can-
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, you cannot call Natalie. You cannot call Dr. Kroger. How could you call them if you don't exist? Monk, they want to lock you away, and they have the evidence to do it. And after this little stunt, they could put me away too. You better get going. There is a bus stop behind the gas station up on Silvertree.
Adrian Monk: Hey, thanks. Thanks for killing me.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, that's what friends are for.

Quote from Natalie

Lieutenant Disher: Hey, would it be okay if I wrote a song for the service?
Natalie: Oh, yeah, Randy, that would be wonderful. He would've liked that. Mr. Monk was a big, big, big... He knew how much you really love music.
Lieutenant Disher: Great.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Larry: Rodriguez, how many times have I told you? It doesn't have to be perfect, hombre. You don't have to clean the inside of a cigarette lighter. Nobody cares about the inside of a damn cigarette lighter! Put it down! Rodriguez, the faster we work, the more money we make. Fast, more money. Slow, less money. Comprende? Good. 55, you're all set. Look, Rodriguez, it's not that complicated. Even you can understand. We get paid per car, get it?
Adrian Monk: Per car.
Carlos: Mr. Larry! Larry, relax. You're going to have another stroke. This guy's the best rag man I ever seen. Look at that car. It's better than new. It's like a diamond. When the owner sees it, he gonna love it. He gonna tell all his friends. He's gonna be a customer for life.
Customer: Well, it's about friggin' time. I've been waiting over there 20 minutes. You won't be seeing me again.
Adrian Monk: Have a nice day.
Carlos: Rodriguez, I'm warning you. I'm warning you!

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: [off Disher's question] What?
Lieutenant Disher: It's a good question. Why didn't you check it out?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Because I was busy. I was turning over rocks, trying to get a bead on that son of a bitch.
Lieutenant Disher: He just bought a second house in Catalina.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And a new BMW, and look at this. He's got two offshore bank accounts on a Sheriff's salary. Randy, this guy is dirty. I can smell him.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Carlos: What is it?
Adrian Monk: This one's been repainted. Recently. It used to be silver.
[flashback:]
Kathy: They're looking for a silver suv.
[present, Monk holds his hands out in front as he inspects the car:]
Carlos: Are you okay? What are you doing? Well, at least make it look like you're working.
Adrian Monk: I need you to look under the car.
Carlos: What?
Adrian Monk: Just behind this fender. Inside, tell me what you see. Check the axle.
Carlos: You're gonna get us both fired.
Adrian Monk: Right- Right behind this front wheel.
Carlos: [pulls out orange fabric] What are these?
[flashback:]
Kathy: A highway worker was killed.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: [on the phone] You got anything else? Any pay stubs?
Natalie: No, no pay stub. I have a birthday card and an unpaid electrical bill. Wait. Okay, there's a check for $10,000 made out to Angel County Children's Center.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [to Disher] Angel County Children's Center.
Lieutenant Disher: No such animal.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, that check is dirty. Who wrote it?
Natalie: The Xanadu corporation.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Xanadu corporation. No, "X."
Lieutenant Disher: Xanadu, a division of the Orpheum investment group. Yeah, which is controlled by the Blue Danube Foundation.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Blue Danube Foundation.
Lieutenant Disher: Which is owned by... Oh, my God.
Natalie: Who's Dale Biederbeck?

Quote from Natalie

Guard: Biederbeck. You have a visitor. You have ten minutes.
Dale Biederbeck: The eager Miss Teeger! You took a big chance coming here. The photos I've seen don't do you justice. Althena, we'll have to continue this tomorrow. Remember where we left off. Do you mind? Watching Althena walk away is the only exercise I get.
Natalie: You get a manicure every day? A computer. Your own telephone. It doesn't look like you're suffering.
Dale Biederbeck: Believe me, Natalie, I suffer. Remember the day you got the news about Mitch? That's where I live.
Natalie: How do you know about-
Natalie: About your dead husband? You work for Adrian Monk, Natalie. That makes you and your family my business.
Natalie: Is that the Governor?
Dale Biederbeck: I'm a big fan.
Natalie: Didn't he just refuse to commute your sentence?
Dale Biederbeck: Turn it off, please.
Natalie: Turn what off?
Dale Biederbeck: The video recorder in your purse. I won't be confessing to anything today, Natalie. We don't have to play games. I know Adrian Monk is alive. I never believed his oldest friend Leland Stottlemeyer would actually shoot him. Did you? [gasps] Really? To tell the truth, I'm so relieved. I don't want Monk dead. Ever since he put me here, my dream has been to trade places with the man. I. Want. Monk. Here! In this hellhole, rotting away, slowly, slowly, slowly.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: How's he gonna do it? Remote control?
Adrian Monk: No, no. No, they would've set it off already. It must be on some kind of timer or... [dog barks]
Woman: What's wrong, boy?
Adrian Monk: Eureka.
Natalie: Excuse me?
Adrian Monk: Natalie, I just solved the case.
Natalie: Eureka?
Adrian Monk: No, no, no. I mean Eureka's a dog. She was wearing one of those shock collars with a little receiver. Look. There, there. There's a battery. It's wired to a transmitter that runs through that banner. The bomb must be hooked to one of those dog collars.
Natalie: Oh, my God. So when the car goes by the banner...

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: John Rollins, you're under arrest for murder and conspiracy to commit.
Lieutenant Disher: We know you're working for Biederbeck. We know you framed Monk.
Sheriff Rollins: Me? You're under arrest. Obstruction of justice, aiding and abetting. Arrest him!
Captain Stottlemeyer: No! I'm a Captain of the San Francisco Police Department! Arrest him!
Sheriff Rollins: He's out of his jurisdiction. Arrest him!

Quote from Natalie

Lieutenant Disher: Natalie. Hey. How are you doing?
Natalie: I don't know. About the same.
Lieutenant Disher: These were out front. From Sharona.
Natalie: Wow, they're beautiful. Why don't you put them over there.
Lieutenant Disher: She and Benjy are gonna fly in for the service.
Natalie: It's funny. When he was alive, he always said he didn't have any friends.

Quote from Natalie

Lieutenant Disher: Listen, Natalie, the Captain's out front. He'd really like to come in.
Natalie: No.
Lieutenant Disher: Natalie, he didn't have a choice. Monk fired the first shot.
Natalie: Don't tell me that. There's always a choice. He could have fired a warning shot.
Lieutenant Disher: That's not the way we're trained.
Natalie: You know what, how about shot him in the leg or not fired at all? God, I can't believe it.
Lieutenant Disher: I'm sorry.
Natalie: I can't believe he's gone.
Lieutenant Disher: I'm so sorry.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy told me that you rented out the Legion of Honor.
Natalie: Yeah.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And he also said that you took out a loan to cover the costs?
Natalie: Yeah, that's right.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's just, I don't think you need to be so extravagant.
Natalie: You don't, huh?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. In fact, I remember once, Monk told me, he said that if anything ever happened to him, he wouldn't want anybody to go into debt.
Natalie: I cannot believe you're saying that. He was your friend.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Nat, I'mjust trying to honor what he...
Natalie: No, no, no, no, no. He loved you. I mean, he really loved you, and you sit here... I changed my mind. I want you out of here. I'm going to ask you to leave, please.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, Natalie, you don't understand.
Natalie: Yeah, I don't. I'm sorry, Captain. Good-bye.

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