Adrian Monk: Wait. I can't go. The boat is on the water. I don't do water.
Natalie: You can't swim?
Adrian Monk: To be honest, I don't know.
Natalie: You don't know.
Adrian Monk: I mean, I know how to swim technically. I've just never actually, you know, done it. All right, I took a correspondence course.
Natalie: You learned to swim by mail?
Adrian Monk: They sent me a little diploma. And this.
Natalie: "Swimming Fundamentals. Don't panic. Breathe normally. Keep kicking."
Adrian Monk: Can I have that back?
Natalie: Why did you even take the course? You never go near the water.
Adrian Monk: Hello? Tsunamis.

Natalie: Okay, there it is. That's his boat. All right, so his car wasn't in the lot, so, uh... Let's do it.
Adrian Monk: Wait. Don't. We don't have a warrant.
Natalie: We don't need a warrant. It's a boat.
Adrian Monk: Well, that's completely false, but it sounds good.
Natalie: Let's do it.

Natalie: Okay, so I've been thinking about this. And, uh I think you should start your own company. Be a private investigator. I mean, really go for it. Hire a PR person. Be aggressive. Advertise. Get new clients.
Adrian Monk: Uh...
Natalie: Mr. Monk, there are other detectives out there with a fraction of your talent who are getting rich. You're Adrian Monk. People will pay a fortune to hire you.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, that's something to think about.
Natalie: I thought you'd say that, so I did what Grandpa Neville did, and I took the initiative.
Adrian Monk: "A. Monk. Private Investigations" $85? That's 85 cents a card.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, that doesn't matter. You can't be afraid to take risks.
Adrian Monk: I think I can. In fact, I think I already am. Hold on. Germs, heights, snakes, milk, needles, risk. Yeah, it's on there. Number six.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Let's see, Barbara. "I am into yoga, pilates, getting in touch with my spirituality..." Been there, married that.

Natalie: [answers phone] Adrian Monk Investigations. What is the nature of your problem?
Adrian Monk: I'm being kept in a room against my will.
Natalie: You were kidnapped? Oh, my God. Hold on, hold on. Do you know who did it?
Adrian Monk: Yes, it's my personal assistant. Her name is Natalie Teeger. Natalie...

Adrian Monk: Can I open my eyes now?
Natalie: Mr. Monk, your eyes are opened.

Linda Fusco: I think I'm a little jealous. Are you seeing other clients behind my back?
Natalie: Ms. Fusco, no, no, no. These aren't clients. These are former colleagues. This is Randy Disher, and this is
Captain Stottlemeyer: Captain Leland Stottlemeyer.
Linda Fusco: Linda Fusco.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I know who you are. I've seen your billboards. Actually, we just saw one yesterday.
Lieutenant Disher: Captain said that you looked really-- Nothing. He didn't say anything which is strange, because he's usually pretty talkative. The sign said that you were the number one realtor in Northern California.
Linda Fusco: Tell me something I don't know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: The elephant's the only mammal that can't jump.
Linda Fusco: Pardon me?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You said tell you something you don't know. And I told you that the only mammal who can't jump is your elephant.

Natalie: Are you sure you're okay?
Adrian Monk: When I was a detective or a consultant, I would point to the bad guy, and the cops would go in. And they would get shot at, or beat up, or hit in the stomach. And it was a wonderful system. See, everybody was happy.

Adrian Monk: What's that?
Natalie: It's a surprise. Did I ever tell you about my grandpa, Neville Davenport?
Adrian Monk: No. Is he in the box?
Natalie: He was a great man. You remind me of him, actually. He was an assistant pharmacist in London. And then, when he was about your age, he completely changed his life. Just like that. He quit his job and started a toothpaste company in England. A toothpaste company in England! I mean, talk about optimism. And now, it's the third biggest brand in the world after Colgate and Crest.
Adrian Monk: I love that story. I guess my favorite part is about the toothpaste company.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, there's a point to this story.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so. I've been listening very carefully.

Adrian Monk: Don't tell me. Grandpa Neville.
Natalie: That's Grandpa Neville. Well, it's only fitting that we have his picture up. After all, he is our inspiration, right? Leap and a net will appear.