Captain Stottlemeyer: Thank you all once again for coming. You know the situation. We're looking for a woman. Her name is Amanda Castle.
Lieutenant Disher: Although any dead body would be of interest to us.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Thank you, Randy.

Adrian Monk: I'm so worried about Shelby. She's been acting strangely. Look at her. She hasn't eaten all day.
Lieutenant Disher: Maybe she witnessed the murder. She saw Dewitt kill Amanda and now he's afraid that she'll identify him.
Adrian Monk: How?
Lieutenant Disher: She could bark at him.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, as far as I know, in the state of California, dogs are not allowed to testify in open court.
Lieutenant Disher: Maybe Dewitt's afraid they'll change the rule.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What, change the rule against dogs testifying in court?
Lieutenant Disher: You know, one of those referendums. It is California.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You want to know how tired I am? I'm so tired, I don't know if that even makes any sense.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Be nice if we had a body. She could be anywhere.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, no, not quite anywhere. All right, this is her house, and we know it's not there. This is the park we checked yesterday. It's not there. That's my house. We can eliminate that.
Natalie: Oh, and this office.
Lieutenant Disher: That's true. It's not here. Captain? Is there anything you want to eliminate?

Natalie: I'm so glad you brought her.
Adrian Monk: Well, I didn't have a choice. I couldn't leave her alone in my house, on my floor. She won't stay in the umbrella. This dog is not - and may never be - umbrella-trained.
Natalie: He's a funny man, isn't he?

Lieutenant Disher: How's she doing?
Adrian Monk: She's really smart. This dog is really, really smart. I've been teaching her tricks.
Lieutenant Disher: Like?
Adrian Monk: Well, like not to lick me, not to drool, not to roll over, not to, you know, discharge anything.
Natalie: Since you mention it, I was gonna give it to you later, but It's a sha-poopie.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I don't need that, because I've taught her to hold it in.
Lieutenant Disher: Until when?
Adrian Monk: I haven't decided.
Natalie: Well, she might decide for you. You should take this.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, okay.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Exhibit "A"?
Natalie: Check out the tail.
Lieutenant Disher: What tail?
Adrian Monk: Exactly. His father's an Australian shepherd.
Natalie: A tailless Australian shepherd.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Steven DeWitt.
Adrian Monk: His wife mentioned she'd been traveling recently, and how long was she gone?
Lieutenant Disher: About three months.
Natalie: That fits. While his wife was out of town, he was having an affair with Amanda.
Adrian Monk: They were "hooking up," do you understand? And while they were hooking up, their dogs were "hooking up." Everybody and everything, "hooking up."

Lieutenant Disher: OK, here comes exhibit "A," "B," "C," Exhibit "D."
Adrian Monk: Another one? What's the record?
Natalie: I think it's 101.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [chuckles] That was that movie.
Natalie: Right.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That woman. Ah, who was that, coupe de ville? Cruella. Cruella, she was bad news. Monk, this is good scotch. Where'd you get this scotch?
Adrian Monk: Oh, it was a Christmas gift from the mayor.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, thank the mayor for me.

Anne Marie: Are you my uncle?
Adrian Monk: No.
Anne Marie: Didn't think so.
Adrian Monk: No. I'm your aunt Natalie's boss.
Anne Marie: Do you know her other boss, the crazy one?
Adrian Monk: Yes, I- I- I think I have met him... once or twice.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, thank you for coming.
Adrian Monk: What's going on?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Missing person. I hope that's what it is.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, her name's Amanda Castle. She's an artist. Apparently, she's a pretty big deal, very famous.
Natalie: Huh. Never heard of her.
Lieutenant Disher: Me, neither.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, somebody's heard of her, because the press has taken an interest, which means the mayor has taken an interest, which means I'm here, which means you're here, and you.

Adrian Monk: We need to find him.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Not a problem. We'll just make a copy of this and put out an A.P.B.
Lieutenant Disher: I don't think that's gonna work. You can't even see his face.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I was joking, Randy.
Lieutenant Disher: Mmm. Course you have to say that now.