Captain Stottlemeyer: Holy moly, what happened here?
Adrian Monk: I should never have bought this house. I should've waited for something better to come along. Like death.

Dr. Bell: Mr. Monk. Neven Bell. [shakes Monk's hand] I've been looking forward to this. [offers] Wipe?

Dr. Bell: Summit Creek. That's your brand, isn't it? Glass exactly... half filled. Or would you call it half empty?

Natalie: Oh, they're leaving.
Adrian Monk: Oh, finally. Is she in handcuffs?
Natalie: I don't see her.
Adrian Monk: What? Why aren't they arresting her? Oh, the justice system in this country is a joke. God there she goes again. Natalie, you gotta make her stop. I- I can't stand it. I can't.
Natalie: I still don't hear it.
Adrian Monk: You don't hear that?! Are you kidding me? She was practicing all night. I couldn't sleep. I kept reaching for the phone to call...
Natalie: Dr. Kroger? I know. I miss him too.
Adrian Monk: I actually left him two messages. I just- I just still can't believe it. A heart attack. I- I saw him the day before. He looked fine. He looked...
Natalie: We'll find a new therapist. There has to be somebody out there.
Adrian Monk: No, there'll never be anybody else. I mean, the man saved my life. You didn't know me before Dr.
Kroger. I mean, I-I-I was a little messed up. You know? He wasn't just a therapist. He was- He was Dr. Kroger.

Dr. Bell: Are you okay?
Adrian Monk: Just tired. I haven't been sleeping.
Dr. Bell: Hmm. All right, then. Why, uh... Why don't we start right there, then? Why haven't you been sleeping?
Adrian Monk: Oh, no big mystery. This girl who lives across the street plays piano. Same song. [hums] Doesn't matter, really. Doesn't- Doesn't matter. I'm out of there. I'm moving. I just- I just bought a house.
Dr. Bell: Well, congratulations. So when did it start? The piano playing?
Adrian Monk: Eh, I don't know. About a year ago.
Dr. Bell: But it's only been bothering you for what? Five weeks?
Adrian Monk: How did you know that?
Dr. Bell: Oh, well, the girl's been playing piano for a year. And it's only been bothering you since Charles Kroger passed.
Adrian Monk: What? No. No. Oh, no.
Dr. Bell: The music she's playing is Chopin. Charles loved Chopin. He played it in his waiting room all the time.
Adrian Monk: No.
Dr. Bell: Maybe the music is reminding you of- of your friend, And it's- it's been affecting you.
Adrian Monk: No. Nah, nah, nah. No. That's-
Dr. Bell: Maybe.
Adrian Monk: That's not- That's just- Crazy. It's crazy talk.

Lieutenant Disher: So how's the new house?
Adrian Monk: Uh, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. Every 20 minutes it's something else. Something is rusted or corroded... Or falling apart or about to fall apart.
Lieutenant Disher: Wow, I can't wait to see it.
Adrian Monk: It's like nightmare except for the part where you wake up and it's all over. Why didn't you warn me?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I did. I tried to. I think we all did.
Adrian Monk: Well, why didn't you tie me down and shoot me in the leg? What's the good of having a gun If you don't shoot your friend in the leg when he's about to buy an old house?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Next time I will, I promise.

Adrian Monk: What about this one? Here, look. Joseph Moody. This one's still open.
Lieutenant Disher: Uh, no. Not anymore, actually. The M.E. just called on this. Uh, it's officially an accident.
Captain Stottlemeyer: His private nurse found him yesterday. He was 89 years old, fell down a flight of stairs.
Adrian Monk: Stairs. Sounds suspicious.
Lieutenant Disher: What's suspicious about it?
Adrian Monk: Are you kidding? Nine decades, perfect health? Guy just up and dies? I think we should check it out.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Are you really that bored?
Adrian Monk: Yes, I am.

Adrian Monk: [counting holes on a shower head] 94, 95, 96, 97, 98. Do you- Do you have any with 100?
Hardware Store Clerk: I don't know. Whatever's there.
Adrian Monk: Here's the thing. I'm buying a new house. And I just came from a therapist who didn't think I could handle it.
Hardware Store Clerk: No kidding.
Adrian Monk: Get this. He said I was moving because the girl across the street reminded me of my old therapist, because they both liked Chopin. I know, crazy, right? His name was Dr. Kroger. Charles Kroger. Chuck, some people called him Chuck. I didn't. I had a lot of respect- Too much respect for him. Well, he passed about five-
Hardware Store Clerk: I'm sorry. I've gotta go be somewhere else. Good luck.

Adrian Monk: Uh, be careful with that. Sir- Sir! Sir, use both hands. Don't make me pull out the contract. Two hands. And use care. Care. Okay. Care-carefully! Watch your step. Watch your step. And the next step. Carefully, carefully, carefully. That one has to- That one has to stay level. You can use the horizon. But level. Get- Put- That one says "fragile."
Moving Man: They all say "fragile."
Adrian Monk: Yeah, but that's underlined. That means really fragile. And if it's underlined twice, it means very, very, extremely... Hello? Extremely fragile. Yeah, that one you want to be careful with. Easy. Easy. Where's the fire? Where's the fire? Okay, you wanna- Wanna take a break? Should we take a break? Let's take five.

Dr. Bell: What about your father? What's- What's your happiest memory of him?
Adrian Monk: My father, um... Well, he took me to a football game once.
Dr. Bell: Sounds like fun.
Adrian Monk: Well, every time the team went into a huddle, he turned to me and said, "They're talking about you."
Dr. Bell: Talking about you?
Adrian Monk: They weren't, were they?
Dr. Bell: No, that seems pretty unlikely. I don't know why he would say that.
Adrian Monk: Because one player kept looking up at me, and I thought I saw him laughing.
Dr. Bell: I'm pretty sure they were talking about the game and what play to run next.
Adrian Monk: He was looking right at me.
Dr. Bell: Well...
Adrian Monk: I mean right at me.