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‘Mr. Monk Goes to Mexico’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Monk: Mr. Monk Goes to Mexico

202. Mr. Monk Goes to Mexico

Aired June 27, 2003

The mayor asks Monk to go to Mexico to investigate the death of an American teenager on spring break who seemingly drowned in mid-air.

Quote from Sharona

Lt. Plato: If it's any consolation, your friend showed great courage. After he was run over, he crawled inch by inch through the mud and garbage trying to get help.
Sharona: He crawled through what?
Lt. Plato: Mud and garbage.
Sharona: He's not dead.
Capt. Alameda: Pardon me?
Sharona: It's not him!
Capt. Alameda: Senorita, your friend is gone.
Sharona: It's not him. Maybe it's the guy that stole our suitcases?
Lt. Plato: How can you be sure?
Sharona: Adrian Monk would die before he'd crawl through mud and garbage.
Capt. Alameda: But he was dying.
Sharona: You don't understand.

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Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: In a way, given what he had to deal with, he was the bravest man I've ever known. I measured everything I did against him. He was my yardstick. I never told him that.
Lieutenant Disher: I'm sure he knew, sir.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [chuckles] I'm sure he did. The son of a bitch knew everything. I want a full-dress funeral. I want the governor there. I want the entire department there with black armbands and white gloves.
Lieutenant Disher: Sir, Monk wasn't on active duty. We can't go full dress.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Adrian Monk is to be buried with honors or I quit. I'm gonna tell you something, Randy, and I'm not ashamed to admit this. I loved that man. [answers phone] This is Stottlemeyer. Yes. I understand. [to Randy] I hate that man. [hangs up] I hate that man!

Quote from Sharona

Sharona: We made it. Welcome to Mexico.
Adrian Monk: What are those?
Sharona: Earplugs.
Adrian Monk: You- You've had them in the whole trip?
Sharona: Since Los Angeles.
Adrian Monk: You haven't heard a word I've said.
Sharona: No.
Adrian Monk: I- I've been talking the whole time.
Sharona: Did you say anything important?
Adrian Monk: No.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: What do you think?
Adrian Monk: It's weird. Everything's weird. It's like another country.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Adrian, take off your sunglasses.
Adrian Monk: Why?
Sharona: You look like a drug dealer.
Adrian Monk: No, I don't.
Sharona: I'm telling you, you do. You fit the profile perfectly. You have 18 suitcases and you're wearing a suit. I mean, if you were a cop, wouldn't you think you looked suspicious?
Mexican Border Agent: Buenos dias. How long will you be in Mexico?
Sharona: Two to three days.
Adrian Monk: I'm not a drug dealer.
Mexican Border Agent: Pardon me?
Adrian Monk: I'm not a drug dealer.
Mexican Border Agent: Uh-huh. I want you to park over there and meet me inside.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Those are pillow cases and backup pillow cases.
Mexican Border Agent: And these are?
Adrian Monk: Moist towelettes.
Mexican Border Agent: Why so many?
Adrian Monk: In case I happen to, you know, meet people.
Mexican Border Agent: Senor, I think you have a very poor image of our country.
Sharona: Oh, no, no, no. It's not just you. He thinks everybody is dirty.
Mexican Border Agent: You must be a very lonely man, senor.
Adrian Monk: I am. Thank you.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: They took all my food and water. What am I gonna eat and drink?
Sharona: Adrian, they have food and water in Mexico.
Adrian Monk: Answer the question! What am I gonna eat and drink?

Quote from Sharona

Capt. Alameda: I'm afraid the nicer hotels in town were all booked up with American teenagers. It's, uh, spring break.
Sharona: Oh, this will be fine.
Lt. Plato: Oh, I didn't know whether to book one room or two?
Sharona: Two! Two rooms. Two. Uh, dos. Two. Two rooms.
Adrian Monk: I think they understand, Sharona.
Sharona: Oh, okay. Uh, two rooms.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Waiter: And for you, senor?
Adrian Monk: Do you have any Sierra Springs?
Waiter: No. Uh, we have Perrier.
Adrian Monk: No, thank you. Do you know anyone in town that sells Sierra Springs?
Waiter: I'm afraid not, senor. We have San Pellegrino.
Adrian Monk: No, thank you.
Waiter: We have Aquafina.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Waiter: We have Polaris.
Adrian Monk: No.
Waiter: Arrowhead.
Adrian Monk: No, thank you.
Waiter: Deer Park.
Adrian Monk: No.
Waiter: We have Evian. it's delicious, senor. It's our best seller.
Adrian Monk: It is? No, thank you. I'm sort of used to Sierra Springs.
Waiter: We have Aqua Fresca. It's owned by the same company that bottles Sierra Springs. They use the same water, senor.
Adrian Monk: No.
Waiter: But it's the same water, senor. It's just a different label.
Sharona: Adrian, it's the same water.
Adrian Monk: No, l... I'll be fine.
Sharona: How long can you go without drinking?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. What's the record?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: I've never been prouder to be an American.
Sharona: They're having fun.
Adrian Monk: So this is fun? I've heard about fun. I've never been this close to it.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Adrian!
Lt. Plato: Senor Monk.
Adrian Monk: That officer outside told me I was dead. I'm not dead, am I?
Sharona: You're not dead.
Adrian Monk: I didn't think so. I am so thirsty. I found this in the locker. It's Chip Rosatti's. [whimpers] I'm so thirsty.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Can we go now?
Adrian Monk: Absolutely.
Sharona: The letter's mailed. It can't get any more mailed. Now what?
Adrian Monk: It's almost 9:00. That's the next pickup.
Sharona: You're gonna wait for the mailman?
Adrian Monk: I just want to make sure he doesn't drop anything.
Sharona: You're lucky I get paid by the hour, I'm telling you.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, the mayor needs your help again. He's got a friend whose kid was killed down in Mexico. Kid named Chip Rosatti.
Sharona: What happened?
Lieutenant Disher: Skydiving accident.
Adrian Monk: His chute didn't open?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, he drowned.
Sharona: Did he land in the ocean?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. Look. Apparently, the kid jumped out of an airplane, and he drowned in midair.
Adrian Monk: That doesn't make a lot of sense. Hardly any, really.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Hey, we can use a vacation.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Now, look, I know how you hate to fly, so you're gonna have to drive. And it's a long way to San Macros. You're gonna have to leave immediately.
Adrian Monk: Mexico. I can't I can't go to Mexico.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why not?
Adrian Monk: It's not... here.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Mexican Border Agent: Are you opening a restaurant here, Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk: No, I'm not opening a restaurant.
Sharona: He's kind of particular.
Mexican Border Agent: We have bottled water in Mexico, senor Monk. Many fine brands.
Sharona: Well, all he drinks is Sierra Springs.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Oh, well, thank you for inviting us.
Capt. Alameda: We didn't invite you. In fact, you are wasting your time. We are going to be making an arrest on this case very soon.
Adrian Monk: You have a suspect?
Capt. Alameda: Not yet. But we have a theory.
Adrian Monk: What's that?
Capt. Alameda: Drugs.
Adrian Monk: Drugs?
Lt. Plato: It's always about the drugs.
Sharona: Well, his parents swore he was clean. Uh, the most he ever had were a couple of beers.
Adrian Monk: Captain, how do you explain the cause of death? He drowned in midair?
Capt. Alameda: I don't know. I admit, it sounds baffling. But at the end of the day, you will see, it was drugs.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: It doesn't really make any sense, does it? Nineteen years old, comes down for spring break, wins a free skydiving lesson, goes up in the plane and drowns.
Capt. Alameda: Drugs. Somehow, drugs.
Lt. Plato: It is always the drugs.

Quote from Sharona

Hector: Senor Monk is in here. Senorita, you are in the next room. There is a connecting door.
Sharona: Well, it locks, right? There's a lock on the door? How do you say "lock"?
Hector: La cerradura. Si, there is a lock.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Is there a problem?
Hector: Uh, si. Your bags. They have been stolen from your car. You must have left it unlocked.
Sharona: Oh, my God.
Adrian Monk: Our bags? All of them?
Hector: I'm afraid so.
Adrian Monk: These were 18 of them! That was only five minutes. It would take a small army and a U-Haul truck to do that.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Capt. Alameda: My goodness, senor Monk. You are lucky to be alive. Did you get the license number of the truck?
Adrian Monk: No.
Capt. Alameda: He was probably drunk. He lost control of the vehicle.
Sharona: He wasn't drunk! He tried to kill him.
Capt. Alameda: Why would anyone in San Macros want to hurt senor Monk? Do you have any enemies here?
Adrian Monk: No, not here.
Capt. Alameda: So, I am right a drunk driver.
Lt. Plato: Or maybe it was the drugs.
Capt. Alameda: We'll find him.

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