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‘Mr. Monk's Favorite Show’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Monk: Mr. Monk's Favorite Show

801. Mr. Monk's Favorite Show

Aired August 7, 2009

As Monk investigates death threats made against the star of his favorite show growing up, he soon learns the seedy truth about the wholesome family show.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: You want to make sure those doors are double bolted and change the locks.
Kim Kelly: Yes, sir. I'll take care of it.
Adrian Monk: Oh, and you're gonna need to black out all those windows. Buy some curtains. Make sure they're heavy. Remember when Billy and Danny rigged all the window curtains to make you think there was a ghost? That was another classic. [looks at the ceiling above the bed] A mirror? Oh, very good. Excellent precaution. I see, so that if you're lying in bed and someone breaks in through that door... You have the... Triangul... I don't get it.
Christine Rapp: It's more of a personal thing. You know, you should really read my book.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, yeah, I can't wait.

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Quote from Natalie

Adrian Monk: This is unbelievable. Of course someone's trying to kill her. Anyone she's ever met has a motive. Anyone who's ever read this has a motive. There's a page missing, page 73.
Natalie: Maybe it fell out.
Adrian Monk: Pages just don't fall out.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, it fell out.
Adrian Monk: It was torn out.
Natalie: It fell out. Stop it, stop it, stop it. No! No, Mr. Monk, you don't want to see page 73.
Adrian Monk: What? It can't be any worse than the rest of it.
Natalie: You wanna bet?
Adrian Monk: I have to know.
Natalie: No, Mr. Monk, please. Mr. Monk, please.
Adrian Monk: It's my book. Let me see it. Let me see it. [Natalie eats the page] What are you doing?
Natalie: It's for your own good.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Adrian Monk: I know this sounds crazy, but I've seen this handwriting somewhere before.
Natalie: Where?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. Somewhere.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, he's obviously disguising it. He probably uses his left hand.
Natalie: That makes sense.
Lieutenant Disher: Or if he was a lefty he used his right hand.
Natalie: That makes sense.
Lieutenant Disher: Or if he was ambidextrous, he probably got drunk and then wrote it.
Natalie: That makes less sense.

Quote from Adrian Monk

[fantasy:]
Adrian Monk: I'm talking about her Silver Globe Award. You didn't really earn this, did you?
Kathy Cooper: I don't know what you're talking about.
Adrian Monk: Here's what happened. Thirty-five years ago after this show was cancelled, your career was in trouble.
Kathy Cooper: I'm not listening.
Adrian Monk: And when you were nominated for this award, you knew it was your last chance, and you would do anything to win. You met a fan named Victor Timlinson. He told you where he worked. It was the luckiest break of your career. He worked for an accounting firm called Fineman and Kelly. They tabulated the ballots for all the big award shows. Including the Silver Globes. He worked in the mail room, witch meant his the first person to see the ballots. I don't know how you did it. Maybe you paid him off. Or flirted with him. But somehow you convinced him to rig the final tally. Years went by, you probably figured you'd never see him again. But when he read about your big book deal, Mr. Timlinson reappeared. He got greedy. He tried to shake you down. He threatened to tell the world the truth about how you really won this. And you knew if you paid him, he'd eventually want more. They always do. So you decided to kill him.
Kathy Cooper: That's crazy talk.
Adrian Monk: You set him up! You sent those letters to yourself. You even blew up your own car. On Monday night, you arranged to meet him at that motel. Or should I say, you arranged to murder him in cold blood. You shot him. You planted that knife in his hand and those letters in his coat.
Mrs. Cooper: Kathy, we've talked about this. Killing people is never the answer.
Mr. Cooper: I'm afraid you're grounded, young lady.
Kathy Cooper: It's not fair. He doesn't have any proof. The D.A. is gonna laugh you out of his office.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so, 'cause I found this in Timlinson's apartment in a hollowed-out book. The original ballots. Timlinson must have kept a couple as an insurance policy.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Adrian Monk: Captain, captain, is she, is she okay? Oh, my God.
Captain Stottlemeyer: She's okay. She wasn't in the car. She had a remote control starter on her keychain. Thing saved her life.
Adrian Monk: Oh, thank God.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Do you know her?
Adrian Monk: In a way, I watched her grow up.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You watched her grow up? Oh, on television.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I never missed an episode. I was kinda obsessed with the show.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Really? Can't imagine.
Adrian Monk: Galvanized pipe bomb?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yep, electric blasting cap wired to the ignition. Very simple, very crude. Anyone who's online could have built it. Means anybody could have done it but you.

Quote from Natalie

Natalie: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Lieutenant Disher: How is that?
Natalie: It's filthy. I thought I was a wild child. Look at this.
Lieutenant Disher: That's got to be a typo.
Natalie: That is not a typo. And look at this. "Chapter five: Boy crazy." There's a list.
Lieutenant Disher: Whoa. Ricardo Montalban. Dudley Moore. Cheech, Chong, Cheech and Chong. Why is there an asterisk next to Bob Denver? Oh, my God.
Natalie: Oh, that's not even the worst part. Look. Page 73.
Lieutenant Disher: Is that even possible?
Natalie: This is gonna kill Mr. Monk. He's her biggest fan.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Christine Rapp: Let me guess, you never miss a rerun.
Adrian Monk: Reruns?
Christine Rapp: Are you telling me you know ever line of dialogue but you haven't seen an episode in 35 years?
Adrian Monk: Not crazy, just a fan.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Oh, my God. My God. Oh, my God.
Natalie: You okay?
Adrian Monk: This is horrible. It's horrible. What are you drinking?
Natalie: Tea.
Adrian Monk: Is it hot?
Natalie: Yes.
Adrian Monk: Good. Pour it into my eyes.
Natalie: Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: Do it, blind me.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Episode four, "Broken Arm, Broken Heart."
Natalie: Good choice. Episode four. [theme song plays]
Adrian Monk: Picture go fast.
Natalie: It just started.
Adrian Monk: Picture go fast. [show fast-forwards] Picture regular.
Natalie: Picture regular.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Bookstore Manager: Uh, excuse me.
Adrian Monk: Is there a problem?
Bookstore Manager: This page is from a different book. It's been taped in.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Bookstore Manager: "Oliver was told that he might do what he like with his old clothes. He gave them to a servant who'd been kind to him." This is from Oliver Twist.
Natalie: I told you. I'm sorry, I tried to tell him.
Adrian Monk: Now I remember. See, she ate page 73, so I put another page in there, a different page.
Bookstore Manager: You ruined the book.
Adrian Monk: Actually, I improved the book. That's Charles Dickens. It's a classic.
Bookstore Manager: I don't understand. Why would you do this?
Adrian Monk: I believe the sign says, "No questions."

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: I'm sorry, Mr. Monk, I'm not moving.
Adrian Monk: It's humiliating. Look at me, I'm last in line.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, there are two of us, and you're second.
Adrian Monk: Out of two. Second out of two. We call that last.
Natalie: I'm not moving. I'm on the heating grate. I'm very comfortable.
Adrian Monk: You don't even like the show. You don't even know who Christine Rapp is.
Natalie: I know who she is. She's an actress from an old TV show that my boss is obsessed with.
Adrian Monk: I'm not obsessed. I'm barely fixated. I'm- I'm- I'm mildly... Okay, I'm obsessed. That show was very important to me, Natalie.
Natalie: Clearly.
Adrian Monk: Tuesdays at 8:00. The Cooper Clan. It felt like they were the only friends I had.
Natalie: Okay, so what are you gonna say to her?
Adrian Monk: I'm gonna say thank you.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Stan: In the slumber party episode
Adrian Monk: "Slumber Sarty Pooper." Season four, episode nine.
Stan: What was the name of Janey's best friend?
Adrian Monk: Brenda. Okay, who was Scamp's trainer?
Stan: Wayne Julius. How much did Cathy Cooper's first car cost?
Adrian Monk: Ah, that's too easy. $100. What was the name of the school they attended?
Stan: Tatem Elementary.
Adrian Monk: And what year was it built?
Stan: What year?
Adrian Monk: Come on, it was on the cornerstone near the front door. 1928. He gets half a point. Okay, what color was the telephone in the living room?
Stan: Color? ... Yellow.
Adrian Monk: You looked at the lunch box.
Stan: I did not.
Adrian Monk: You looked at the lunch box. He looked at the lunch box. No point for him. What's the score. What's the score? What's the score?
Natalie: I don't know, Mr. Monk. What do you want the score to be?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Okay, okay, final round. This is for the game. What is the name of the letter carrier in the pen pal episode?
Stan: Daisy Green.
Adrian Monk: Wrong! He's wrong! I win!
Stan: It was Daisy Green. I have the episode guide right here.
Adrian Monk: Her name was Daisy Green in season two. She got married in the series finale, remember? She became Daisy... Come on. Brackowitz. I didn't say, "What was her name?" I said, "What is her name?" Is, is. See, I said "is". You heard me. Is. Game over. I win. Have you even seen this show? Yeah, it was good. It was called The Cooper Clan. Look it up in your little book. He's got the little book. He's got it. Look at your book. He's got the book.
Natalie: You know what, Mr. Monk, I'm actually glad we came. I really am. I've never seen you this excited about anything. This show was important to you.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, it was all I had. No matter how bad things got, I knew if I could just make it to Tuesday night. 8:00, Tuesday night, everything would be okay. It would all make sense, at least for half an hour. They were like my other family. Who am I kidding? My real family was my other family.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Excuse me, Christine. Miss Rapp. Miss Christine Rapp. Hello, yes. [shakes her hand] This is such a tremendous. [Natalie hands him a wipe] Uh, I'm- I'm gonna keep this forever.
Christine Rapp: Why?
Natalie: It's actually quite an honor, believe it or not.
Adrian Monk: Cathy Cooper all grown up.
Kim Kelly: This isn't really a good time for us right now. I'm sure you understand.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I should explain. I'm Adrian Monk. I'm working with the San Francisco police. That's why I'm here. I'm not some crazy, fanatical groupie. God, I can't believe I'm actually talking to you.
Natalie: I'm Natalie Teeger. I'm Mr. Monk's assistant. [shakes her hand]
Adrian Monk: Why are you wiping?
Natalie: I'll tell you later.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Kim Kelly: I'm scared to death, Mr. Monk. The person who did this, he isn't gonna stop. Someone's been sending her letters, horrible letters, ever since she started writing her book.
Adrian Monk: Yes, yes, the captain did mention that.
Kim Kelly: The police say it's just an overzealous fan. We thought so too, but after this, she needs a bodyguard.
Adrian Monk: Bodyguard, right.
Kim Kelly: Someone we can trust. I know you're busy.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I'll do it.
Kim Kelly: Okay. $1,000 a week, is that fair?
Adrian Monk: Mmm. It's a deal, I can't pay it all at once.
Kim Kelly: No, we would pay you.
Adrian Monk: Ah, even better. Of course. So glad to help.
Kim Kelly: Thank you. I'm so relieved. I can breathe now. I can't wait to tell Christine. Welcome to the family.
Adrian Monk: I'm in the family. I'm in the Cooper clan.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: He was such a great dad. What was he like, you know, in real life? Was he nice?
Christine Rapp: You haven't read my book, have you?
Adrian Monk: No, not yet. I can't wait. Listen, let's watch the the babysitter episode. Could we please? I love the part where you and Janey turn back all the clocks, right? So that you could stay up later. You two were such rascals.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Kim Kelly: How's the investigation going, Mr. Monk? Anything to report?
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah. Well, we have this. Surveillance photo from the radio station. He was standing across the street before the car exploded.
Christine Rapp: The police said he was there all morning.
Adrian Monk: Right. Christine said she never saw him before. How about you?
Kim Kelly: No, sorry. What about the letters?
Adrian Monk: Well, I'm gonna see Captain Stottlemeyer later today. I should know a lot more then.
Kim Kelly: What do we do in the meantime?
Adrian Monk: Well, I suggest we watch a few more episodes of The Cooper Clan and then take a tour of the house.
Kim Kelly: Why don't we take a tour of the house right now?
Adrian Monk: Oh, shucky darns. Get it? [chuckles] That was what Billy said.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: In season three, episode ten, you said you were allergic to peanuts, but then in season five, right, the bake sale episode, you ate those brownies and you never had any reaction.
Christine Rapp: Well, maybe Dr. Nabors gave me some medicine.
Adrian Monk: You mean Dr. Norberg. But that's impossible, because at the end of the tonsils episode, Dr.
Norberg said he was retiring.
Christine Rapp: Oh, I don't know. I just I don't know.
Kim Kelly: Do you have any other questions?
Adrian Monk: Yes, yes, I do.
Kim Kelly: I mean not related to the show.
Adrian Monk: Oh. No.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Christine Rapp: Well, I have a photo shoot later, so I better get dressed. Do you want to come with me, Mr. Bodyguard?
Adrian Monk: No, I don't think that's necessary.
Christine Rapp: Shy? I like that in a man.
Kim Kelly: She likes anything in a man.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: The Silver Globe.
Kim Kelly: Yes. It's beautiful, isn't it?
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Kim Kelly: This hunk of metal saved her career. She won it for a TV movie about anorexia.
Adrian Monk: The Vanishing Girl, I remember. That was the only awards show I ever saw. I was probably more nervous than she was. And it went on forever, didn't it? First that guy came out and told all those jokes.
Kim Kelly: That was Bob hope.
Adrian Monk: Whatever. And then the two accountants came out and went on and on and on about all the rules.
Kim Kelly: They were from Fineman and Kelly. They tabulated the ballots.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, and then finally they announced her name, Best Supporting Actress, Christine Rapp. God, I was so happy. I was. I was cheering like, "ahh"... [Christine Rapp screams]

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