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‘Mr. Monk Is At Your Service’ Quotes

Monk: Mr. Monk Is At Your Service

512. Mr. Monk Is At Your Service

Aired January 26, 2007

When the police department announces a hiring freeze, Natalie urges Monk to investigate the deaths of her parents' wealthy neighbors. As Monk considers his career options, he goes undercover as a butler.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: Are you afraid of frogs?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I've never been this close to one. [A frog lands on Monk's shoe] Yes. The answer is yes. Put frogs on the list. Where's the list?
Natalie: I got it. I got it. Where does it go?
Adrian Monk: Put them between possums and, uh, soccer riots. No, no, no. Uh, after after soccer riots. And before, uh, before hailstones. Yeah, so it goes...
Natalie: I got it, I got it: Soccer riots, frogs, hailstones.
Adrian Monk: At least now we know. Information really is power.

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Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: I've divided the house into four zones.
Susie: Mr. Stilson usually just has us start in the kitchen.
Adrian Monk: Mr. Stilson is no longer with us. So from now on, we're going to be cleaning the house my way. The Monk way.
Susie: Who's Monk?
Adrian Monk: You see, I grew up in a monastery. And the monks were very demanding. We were cleaning constantly. Mostly dusting. It was very dusty. Crypts, catacombs. It was holy dust. But still... You know, dust. That is the Monk way.
Paul Buchanan: Well, you heard the man. We'll be doing it the Monk way.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: As a butler?
Lieutenant Disher: A house manager. They prefer house manager.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why?
Adrian Monk: I'm good at it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, you're good at this. You're good at being a cop.
Adrian Monk: Really? The department doesn't seem to think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, I get it. Those sons of bitches and the hiring freeze. Look, Monk, I told you I am working on that, okay? Just give me a little more time.
Adrian Monk: It's too late, Captain. I've moved on. It's a new dawn.
Lieutenant Disher: What about Natalie?
Adrian Monk: I'm hoping that Natalie will remain in my employ. There is a position opening up in the kitchen. Speaking of kitchens, I really must get back. I have a duck in the oven that's not going to braise itself. And the master is very particular about that sort of thing. [exits]

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: I had to come. I realized something about the frogs.
Adrian Monk: What frogs?
Natalie: On that 911 call there were no frogs in the background. You were there. Remember how loud they were? That call was definitely made from someplace else.
Adrian Monk: Not necessarily. Maybe they just weren't croaking. Maybe they were tired.
Natalie: Frogs don't get tired.
Adrian Monk: You don't think they get-
Natalie: No, I don't.
Adrian Monk: Believe me. Frogs get tired. The hopping and the thing with the tongue. You try hopping around and catching flies. You wouldn't last ten minutes.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Kroger: Or you can look at this like an opportunity. A chance for you to reassess your life, start over, do something completely different.
Adrian Monk: Different.
Dr. Kroger: Yeah. Different can be good.
Adrian Monk: Different good. Different good.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, it's not too late. You know, Winston Churchill did not become Prime Minister until he was 60.
Adrian Monk: What are you talking about? I'll never become Prime Minister.
Dr. Kroger: No, no, I'm not saying that-
Adrian Monk: I don't even live in England. Even if I did, I... I'd be such a long shot.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, it's just an example.
Adrian Monk: What do I do now?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: This fork is a centimeter too close.
Mrs. Murphy: It's only a centimeter.
Adrian Monk: For the want of a nail, Mrs. Murphy, the kingdom was lost. One centimeter off on this side. One centimeter off on that side. Before you know it what have you got?
Mrs. Murphy: Two centimeters?
Adrian Monk: Uh-oh. Who folded this napkin?
Susie: I did, sir.
Adrian Monk: And you call this a beveled half-bedford?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Bobby, can I ask you something? Do you love your job?
Bobby Davenport: Yes, I do.
Adrian Monk: What do you do exactly?
Peggy Davenport: He inherits money.
Adrian Monk: I could do that. I bet I'd be good at that.
Natalie: There's a hiring freeze at the department, but we're working through it, right? We'll figure something out. There's always hope.
Adrian Monk: There's never hope.
Natalie: Sure, there is.
Adrian Monk: There's never hope. I wish I drank. Is it wonderful?
Peggy Davenport: Yeah, it's pretty great.

Quote from Natalie

Peggy Davenport: Oh, you know who asked about you? Paul Buchanan.
Natalie: No, thank you.
Peggy Davenport: Sweetheart, I really don't think you can be so picky. You aren't getting any younger, you know.
Adrian Monk: Who's Paul Buchanan?
Peggy Davenport: He lives in the big house up the road.
Adrian Monk: The big house? This isn't the big house?
Peggy Davenport: He's always had a thing for Natalie. He's proposed to her twice.
Natalie: He's a creep. He's a spoiled, arrogant, creepy creep who's just... He's very creepy.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Susie: I know you haven't even unpacked yet, but we need you to approve this. It's the seating chart for the luncheon on Sunday.
Adrian Monk: I'm sure it's fine. Just do whatever you want.
Susie: Very well, sir. I'm right down the hall if you need me.
Adrian Monk: Excuse me, could I see that again? There'll be 11 at the table?
Susie: Yes, sir. So do you just wanna put five on one side and then six on the other?
Adrian Monk: No, no, no. That wouldn't be even. It has to be even. How long is the table?
Susie: I'm not sure.
Adrian Monk: Susie. Susie. I don't know what I'm going to do with you.

Quote from Natalie

Paul Buchanan: Everyone, this is Natalie Davenport, an old friend of mine from high school. At least I hope she still considers me a friend. You look fantastic. Really. I mean, you haven't changed a bit since high school.
Natalie: [reveals baby bump] I wouldn't say that.
Paul Buchanan: Look at that. Congratulations.
Natalie: Oh, thank you. My boyfriend couldn't make it. He had to go to anger management class. Again.
Paul Buchanan: Well, I better get back to the-- I'm glad you could come.


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