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‘Mr. Monk Is At Your Service’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Monk: Mr. Monk Is At Your Service

512. Mr. Monk Is At Your Service

Aired January 26, 2007

When the police department announces a hiring freeze, Natalie urges Monk to investigate the deaths of her parents' wealthy neighbors. As Monk considers his career options, he goes undercover as a butler.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: Are you afraid of frogs?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I've never been this close to one. [A frog lands on Monk's shoe] Yes. The answer is yes. Put frogs on the list. Where's the list?
Natalie: I got it. I got it. Where does it go?
Adrian Monk: Put them between possums and, uh, soccer riots. No, no, no. Uh, after after soccer riots. And before, uh, before hailstones. Yeah, so it goes...
Natalie: I got it, I got it: Soccer riots, frogs, hailstones.
Adrian Monk: At least now we know. Information really is power.

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Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: I've divided the house into four zones.
Susie: Mr. Stilson usually just has us start in the kitchen.
Adrian Monk: Mr. Stilson is no longer with us. So from now on, we're going to be cleaning the house my way. The Monk way.
Susie: Who's Monk?
Adrian Monk: You see, I grew up in a monastery. And the monks were very demanding. We were cleaning constantly. Mostly dusting. It was very dusty. Crypts, catacombs. It was holy dust. But still... You know, dust. That is the Monk way.
Paul Buchanan: Well, you heard the man. We'll be doing it the Monk way.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: As a butler?
Lieutenant Disher: A house manager. They prefer house manager.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why?
Adrian Monk: I'm good at it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, you're good at this. You're good at being a cop.
Adrian Monk: Really? The department doesn't seem to think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, I get it. Those sons of bitches and the hiring freeze. Look, Monk, I told you I am working on that, okay? Just give me a little more time.
Adrian Monk: It's too late, Captain. I've moved on. It's a new dawn.
Lieutenant Disher: What about Natalie?
Adrian Monk: I'm hoping that Natalie will remain in my employ. There is a position opening up in the kitchen. Speaking of kitchens, I really must get back. I have a duck in the oven that's not going to braise itself. And the master is very particular about that sort of thing. [exits]

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: I had to come. I realized something about the frogs.
Adrian Monk: What frogs?
Natalie: On that 911 call there were no frogs in the background. You were there. Remember how loud they were? That call was definitely made from someplace else.
Adrian Monk: Not necessarily. Maybe they just weren't croaking. Maybe they were tired.
Natalie: Frogs don't get tired.
Adrian Monk: You don't think they get-
Natalie: No, I don't.
Adrian Monk: Believe me. Frogs get tired. The hopping and the thing with the tongue. You try hopping around and catching flies. You wouldn't last ten minutes.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Kroger: Or you can look at this like an opportunity. A chance for you to reassess your life, start over, do something completely different.
Adrian Monk: Different.
Dr. Kroger: Yeah. Different can be good.
Adrian Monk: Different good. Different good.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, it's not too late. You know, Winston Churchill did not become Prime Minister until he was 60.
Adrian Monk: What are you talking about? I'll never become Prime Minister.
Dr. Kroger: No, no, I'm not saying that-
Adrian Monk: I don't even live in England. Even if I did, I... I'd be such a long shot.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, it's just an example.
Adrian Monk: What do I do now?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: This fork is a centimeter too close.
Mrs. Murphy: It's only a centimeter.
Adrian Monk: For the want of a nail, Mrs. Murphy, the kingdom was lost. One centimeter off on this side. One centimeter off on that side. Before you know it what have you got?
Mrs. Murphy: Two centimeters?
Adrian Monk: Uh-oh. Who folded this napkin?
Susie: I did, sir.
Adrian Monk: And you call this a beveled half-bedford?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Bobby, can I ask you something? Do you love your job?
Bobby Davenport: Yes, I do.
Adrian Monk: What do you do exactly?
Peggy Davenport: He inherits money.
Adrian Monk: I could do that. I bet I'd be good at that.
Natalie: There's a hiring freeze at the department, but we're working through it, right? We'll figure something out. There's always hope.
Adrian Monk: There's never hope.
Natalie: Sure, there is.
Adrian Monk: There's never hope. I wish I drank. Is it wonderful?
Peggy Davenport: Yeah, it's pretty great.

Quote from Natalie

Peggy Davenport: Oh, you know who asked about you? Paul Buchanan.
Natalie: No, thank you.
Peggy Davenport: Sweetheart, I really don't think you can be so picky. You aren't getting any younger, you know.
Adrian Monk: Who's Paul Buchanan?
Peggy Davenport: He lives in the big house up the road.
Adrian Monk: The big house? This isn't the big house?
Peggy Davenport: He's always had a thing for Natalie. He's proposed to her twice.
Natalie: He's a creep. He's a spoiled, arrogant, creepy creep who's just... He's very creepy.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Susie: I know you haven't even unpacked yet, but we need you to approve this. It's the seating chart for the luncheon on Sunday.
Adrian Monk: I'm sure it's fine. Just do whatever you want.
Susie: Very well, sir. I'm right down the hall if you need me.
Adrian Monk: Excuse me, could I see that again? There'll be 11 at the table?
Susie: Yes, sir. So do you just wanna put five on one side and then six on the other?
Adrian Monk: No, no, no. That wouldn't be even. It has to be even. How long is the table?
Susie: I'm not sure.
Adrian Monk: Susie. Susie. I don't know what I'm going to do with you.

Quote from Natalie

Paul Buchanan: Everyone, this is Natalie Davenport, an old friend of mine from high school. At least I hope she still considers me a friend. You look fantastic. Really. I mean, you haven't changed a bit since high school.
Natalie: [reveals baby bump] I wouldn't say that.
Paul Buchanan: Look at that. Congratulations.
Natalie: Oh, thank you. My boyfriend couldn't make it. He had to go to anger management class. Again.
Paul Buchanan: Well, I better get back to the-- I'm glad you could come.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Kroger: All right, what's this all about, Adrian? Come on. Let's have it. [Monk hands him a newspaper cutting in a baggie] Ah, police announce hiring freeze.
Adrian Monk: A hiring freeze for the next four years. By then I'll be too old to be reinstated. So that's it. I'll never be a cop again.
Dr. Kroger: All right, Adrian, I am truly sorry. I know how much reinstatement means to you.
Adrian Monk: Only everything. It's my reason for living, that's all. What do I do now?
Dr. Kroger: I think you go back to what you've been doing. Consulting.
Adrian Monk: For how long? I haven't had a new client in weeks. The department hasn't renewed my contract.
Dr. Kroger: You know, Adrian, I think this is an opportunity for you to make a decision, a very important decision. Now, you can let this news completely depress you-
Adrian Monk: Okay. Thank you.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Bobby Davenport: Now, now. He's a good man.
Peggy Davenport: You know, that poor boy. He's been through so much. I mean, you heard what happened with his parents. It's the most incredible story. They died within ten minutes of each other.
Adrian Monk: Within ten minutes?
Peggy Davenport: Yeah, it was about a year ago. Ralph and Camilla, that's Paul's stepmother, were driving home, and they were in his little sports car. That one he brought over from England.
Bobby Davenport: It was a Morgan, a beautiful machine. Ralph collected antique cars.
Peggy Davenport: Yeah, well, anyway, they never made it home. It was about 8:30 at night. And they were coming around that dangerous curve at the end of Sweeney Road. The one with the big rock.
Adrian Monk: I think we passed it when we were coming up. Isn't there a sign that says slow down?
Peggy Davenport: Obviously Ralph ignored that because the police said he had to be doing at least 80.
Bobby Davenport: Let's say that this is the car. All right? Now, this is Ralph, and this is Camilla. Now, they come speeding around that curve. They hit the guard rail. And Camilla wasn't wearing a seat belt, goes flying and Hits her head on the big rock.
Peggy Davenport: Honey, don't use the pate.
Bobby Davenport: That is not pate, darling. That is the big rock. And then Ralph calls 911 on his cell.
Peggy Davenport: Oh, it gets worse. He had a heart attack right there on the phone.
Bobby Davenport: While he's calling for help.
Adrian Monk: So the road curves to the right. And she was thrown from the car?
Bobby Davenport: Yeah, like this.
Adrian Monk: But if it was a Morgan, a British car, then then she would have been sitting on the left. So how did she hit the rock?

Quote from Natalie

Natalie: You know what else? I remember driving with Mr. Buchanan. He was the pokiest driver in the world. We used to tease him about it. He would not start the car unless you fastened your seatbelts. You wanna check it out?
Adrian Monk: Ah, it's probably nothing.
Natalie: No, let's check it out.
Adrian Monk: Natalie, it doesn't matter. I'm not a detective anymore.
Natalie: Daddy, give me your wallet.
Bobby Davenport: Uh-oh.
Natalie: Brings back memories, doesn't it?
Bobby Davenport: Yes.
Natalie: Okay. Here you go. I am hiring you. We are checking it out.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Well, this section of the guard rail is new. It must have happened right here. Car was heading west. It went off the road here.
Natalie: So you were right. She couldn't have hit that rock.
Adrian Monk: Well, it's hard to tell without seeing the police report. Maybe the car flipped over. Maybe it spun around.
Natalie: No, I think he did it. I think he killed his parents.
Adrian Monk: Wow. You really don't like this guy, do you? What did he ever do to you?
Natalie: You really wanna know?
Adrian Monk: No.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: I'm gonna call my parents and tell them we're gonna be late. Wait, there's no signal. There's no service at all.
Adrian Monk: Are you sure?
Natalie: How could Ralph Buchanan have called for help?
Adrian Monk: He couldn't. He didn't.

Quote from Natalie

Adrian Monk: Wow.
Natalie: I know. I know. Wow, 14 bedrooms.
Adrian Monk: And he wanted to marry you.
Natalie: Hey, let me just tell you about Paul Buchanan. He basically stalked me for three years. All during high school he just kept on asking me out. He wouldn't take "drop dead" for an answer. The week before my senior prom, somebody mugged my boyfriend. They broke his jaw and both his legs.
Adrian Monk: 14 bedrooms?
Natalie: Mr. Monk, he beat up my boyfriend or hired some thug to do it. He thinks he can get away with anything.
Adrian Monk: Like killing his father?
Natalie: I wouldn't put it past him.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: All right, so the garage is back there. The Morgan is inside. He hasn't even bothered to fix it.
Adrian Monk: How do you know?
Natalie: My father saw it the last time he was here.
Adrian Monk: Let's take a look.
Natalie: I can't go in. I'll meet you back here in ten minutes.
Adrian Monk: What are you talking about? I'm not going in there alone. That would be like me going in some place alone.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Paul Buchanan: [carrying a rifle] Sorry to keep you waiting. This is in case the interview doesn't go well. Just joking. I was doing a little hunting. All right, so you're here from the agency. Where's your resume?
Adrian Monk: I... lost it.
Paul Buchanan: You lost your resume. Well, it doesn't bode well, does it?
Adrian Monk: No.
Paul Buchanan: What's your name?
Adrian Monk: Adrian.
Paul Buchanan: Adrian?
Adrian Monk: [sees "Moby Dick" book] Melville. Adrian Melville.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Paul Buchanan: What's with this place? I had friends over last night. The room was a mess.
Adrian Monk: While I was waiting, I sort of tidied up.
Paul Buchanan: Well, I'm impressed. Very well done, Adrian Melville.
Adrian Monk: Thank you.
Paul Buchanan: [looking at jigsaw] Did you do this?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, sorry. Sorry. I couldn't help myself.
Paul Buchanan: In 20 minutes? I've been working on this puzzle for a month.
Adrian Monk: Sorry, I'll mess it up again. I think I remember exactly how to...
Paul Buchanan: No, no, no, I got a couple of step sisters who think I never finish anything.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Paul Buchanan: Well, come on. Sit down. Tell me, Melville, who have you worked for? Anybody I know?
Adrian Monk: I don't think so. Leland Stottlemeyer, of the San Francisco Stottlemeyers. Randy Disher. Dr. Charles Kroger.
Paul Buchanan: No, I don't know them.
Adrian Monk: And Natalie Teeger.
Paul Buchanan: Natalie? Really? She grew up right down the street. I went to school with her when she was still Natalie Davenport. She had a big crush on me, wouldn't leave me alone.
Adrian Monk: Is that right?
Paul Buchanan: How does she look? Does she still have that tattoo?
Adrian Monk: She has a tattoo?
Paul Buchanan: I guess you wouldn't have seen it. Not where she put it.

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