Julie Teeger: I'm going to pee all over the seat.
Adrian Monk: Natalie.
Natalie: Honey, honey, there is a rest stop up ahead. You're okay.
Julie Teeger: Maybe when there's pee all over the back seat, maybe then you'll believe me.
Adrian Monk: Uh, okay. Julie, wait. No, don't don't don't do that. Not, not in the car. I will give you $10 to hold it in.
Julie Teeger: Really?
Natalie: What are you doing? You can't pay a person not to pee.
Adrian Monk: Best money I ever spent.
Julie Teeger: Oh, sure he can. It's called "the free market." I learned about it in school. So, Mr. Monk, how much would you pay me not to throw up?

Natalie: So, what happened up there?
Adrian Monk: A guy was killed.
Natalie: Oh, my God.
Julie Teeger: Mr. Monk says he was murdered.
Natalie: Of course he does. You know, Mr. Monk, there'd be no crime in all of San Francisco if you never left your house.

Julie Teeger: Mom, I gotta go.
Natalie: Sweetie, why didn't you go at the game? There was a porta-john right there.
Julie Teeger: I wanted to, but Mr. Monk says it wasn't sanitary.
Adrian Monk: You'll thank me later.

Adrian Monk: Julie, go back to your mom. Tell her I was right about the paramedic. She'll know what I mean.
Julie Teeger: Mr. Monk, she never knows what you mean. Nobody does.

Adrian Monk: "Korn." They spelled it wrong. Shh, don't say anything. Sorry, sorry to interrupt. You have a great sound. Very, very musical. I wish I could understand more of the words. Do you... Do you have a ladies room? This is Julie, and, uh, it's kind of an emergency.
Fieldy Arvizu: Yeah, we have a bathroom. Our bus driver, Detox, is in there right now.
Adrian Monk: Okay, great. We'll just wait for Detox. Easy now. Easy. I play the clarinet. I played with Willie, you know, Nelson. I played with Willie Nelson. And now I'm just waiting for Detox.

Adrian Monk: Seatbelts on? Everybody, seatbelt check.
Natalie: Yes, yes. They're on, they're on.
Julie Teeger: That was the 20th time.
Adrian Monk: Well, that was really, you know, fun. Who knew that spending four hours in a car to watch a two-hour field hockey game could be so much fun? Thanks for inviting me. When's your next game?
Natalie: Oh, that was, uh, Julie's last game of the season.
Adrian Monk: Oh, that's too bad.

Julie Teeger: Here.
Adrian Monk: What's this?
Julie Teeger: I'm returning your money. I can't hold it in.
Adrian Monk: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Julie, okay, look, just think about something else. Let's play a game. Uh, let's play the numbers game.
Julie Teeger: How do you play?
Adrian Monk: Oh, it's fun. I'll say a number. Then you you say a completely different number. And then we just keep going until you never pee. Ready? 72.

Adrian Monk: Oh, my God.
Natalie: What is it? What is it?
Adrian Monk: Oh, no.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, what is it?
Adrian Monk: The pen in my pocket. It broke. Huh, leaked all over. See? Look.
Natalie: I think you're going to live.
Natalie: What do you think happened?
Adrian Monk: Uh, I think the ink cartridge got snapped by the seatbelt.

Young Woman: Pass it on. Party in our car in 10 minutes.
Adrian Monk: Okay, but you might've to start without me. [to an older woman] There's going to be a party in that turquoise 1964 Mercury Comet convertible in 10 minutes. Pass it on.

Adrian Monk: Officer, how fast was he going?
Sgt. Parnell: Too fast. About 80 miles an hour.
Adrian Monk: He never passed me.
Garrett Price: How's that?
Adrian Monk: This car. He never passed me. If he was going that fast, I would've seen him.
Garrett Price: You probably missed him. You can't remember every car on the highway. [chuckles] Can you?