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‘Mr. Monk Bumps His Head’ Quotes

Monk: Mr. Monk Bumps His Head

411. Mr. Monk Bumps His Head

Aired January 20, 2006

After being hit on the head by a man who claims to have information about Trudy's death, Monk wakes up in the middle of nowhere with no idea who he is. A local woman, Cora (guest star Laurie Metcalf), tells Monk he is her new husband, Jerry.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: He got beaned pretty hard on the head. We're putting up 4,000 of these. I'm gonna have them put up. We're gonna post them in post offices, truck stops, and drug stores.
Dr. Kroger: Wait, why the drug stores?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I figure he's gonna have to buy wipes sooner or later.

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Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Natalie: Captain. Mr. Monk gets all his money from the bank. They're brand new bills. Maybe they keep track of serial numbers.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's good. We'll check it out.
Lieutenant Disher: Maybe this guy really did have a clue about Trudy's murder and Monk solved the case. I mean, he found the guy who killed Trudy and killed him. And then he moved to some place else, changed his name and started a new life.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Without telling us?
Lieutenant Disher: Happens all the time.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It does?
Lieutenant Disher: It happens occasionally. It's not unprecedented. I never said it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Good.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sheriff Bates: It's the biggest feed store in the county. Roger's father in law owns it. He lets Roger run it.
Adrian Monk: I don't wanna tell you, but those bags smell like...
Sheriff Bates: Well, that's exactly what they are. That's fertilizer.
Adrian Monk: Oh, my God. My God, this is worse than drug trafficking. You gotta nail this guy.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Dr. Kroger: You know, Captain, the amnesia that you're describing to me is actually quite rare.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Maybe. But it's all we got. I have no body. He hasn't contacted us. He hasn't contacted Natalie.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, and we've notified every hospital in the country, there's no sign of him.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Doctor, if I'm right and Monk is out there and he doesn't know who he is, what can we expect?
Dr. Kroger: From a psychological stand point, we'd be in uncharted territory. Adrian would be in a complete dissociative state. He would be like a pilot who's flying in the fog without any instruments.
Captain Stottlemeyer: He's gotta be scared to death.
Dr. Kroger: But in a weird way, if he's not seriously hurt, this could actually help him. You see, Adrian has always had a problem detaching, looking at himself objectively. So if you're right, he could be out there right now meeting himself for the very first time.
Lieutenant Disher: He's meeting himself?
Dr. Kroger: Uh-huh.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That can't be good.

Quote from Natalie

Lieutenant Disher: Natalie. Natalie, hey. We found him.
Natalie: Is he okay?
Lieutenant Disher: We're not sure. Trucker saw one of the fliers, called in, said he dropped him off in Wyoming sometime yesterday.
Natalie: Wyoming?
Lieutenant Disher: It's a little town called Prunell. It's out in the middle of nowhere. The FBI's loaning us a jet and we can be there in 2 hours.
Natalie: But is he sure? Was it really Mr. Monk?
Lieutenant Disher: Trucker gave the guy 5 dollar bill, and the guy kept smoothing it out.
Natalie: Oh, he's alive!

Quote from Adrian Monk

Cora: [tries to hand Monk a glass of milk] Now what?
Adrian Monk: The milk. I feel frightened.
Cora: You're afraid of milk?
Adrian Monk: How is that possible? What- What is wrong with me?
Cora: It probably happened when you banged your head. Just give it a few days. You'll be okay.
Adrian Monk: Maybe I should see a doctor.
Cora: Oh, you saw a doctor. Don't you remember?
Adrian Monk: Oh, right.
Cora: He told you to trust me and to do everything that I say.
Adrian Monk: Yes, dear.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Pregnancy test.
Cora: Looks like she had a bun in the oven.
Adrian Monk: How do you know?
Cora: Those two little lines there, that means positive. See, you pee on that end.
Adrian Monk: [groans] Wipe. Wipe, wipe. Wipe. Give me. I need a wipe.
Cora: All right. Relax.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Cora: I've been waiting a long time for this.
Adrian Monk: What about our honeymoon?
Cora: Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. That was magical. Sit down right here. And put your hands like this. Now, lean in.
Adrian Monk: Trudy. Trudy.
Cora: My name's Cora.
Adrian Monk: I'm sorry. I'm remembering something... Uh, there's a woman I- I think I'm having an affair with a woman named Trudy.
Cora: I forgive you.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I think I love her.
Cora: I don't care.
Adrian Monk: The truth is I'm not so attracted to you.
Cora: Whatever.
Adrian Monk: The truth is, um, you sort of terrify me.
Cora: Hey. There's no such thing as a perfect marriage.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sheriff Bates: We found her. County coroner's on his way. Poor kid. How did you know where she was?
Adrian Monk: Oh, just seemed obvious.
Sheriff Bates: Obvious to you.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. Here's what I think... Uh... Uh...
Sheriff Bates: Happened?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, yeah. See, you were right about Debbie and Roger Zisk. They were having an affair. On Friday night, she must've told him she was pregnant. She probably threatened to tell his wife. And that was something Roger just couldn't allow. He brought the body up here to dump it. But he forgot about the bees. They probably stung him a 100 times, and now Roger had a problem. Eventually, somebody was gonna find Debbie's body here surrounded by bees and when they did, they might remember that Roger showed up the next day covered with bee stings. How would he explain that? He had to get stung again. This time in public, so that he could explain the bee stings.
Sheriff Bates: He had guts. I'll give him that.
State Trooper: You figured all that out? What department are you with?
Adrian Monk: Actually, I'm a roofer. I'm just glad to help out. Excuse me. Is your gun loaded?
Second State Trooper: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: Could you do me a favor? Could you kill me, please?
Second State Trooper: Why didn't you just stay in the car?
Adrian Monk: There's a bee in the car. There's a bee in the car.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: Mr. Monk, do you think he really has information about Trudy?
Adrian Monk: Mm-hmm.
Natalie: What if he's lying just to get the reward money?
Adrian Monk: What if he's not? What if he's the real thing? Can I have the cash? Give me the cash.
Natalie: I just don't want you getting your hopes up.
Adrian Monk: Natalie, I don't have an abundance of hope. Let me enjoy the little I have. Please, give it to me.
Natalie: Okay.
Adrian Monk: Okay, you wait over there by the facility thing.
Natalie: What, you mean the bathroom?
Adrian Monk: I believe they're called facility things.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Truck Driver: Hey. What are you doing? You can't ride back here. Does this look like a Greyhound bus to you?
Adrian Monk: No, buses have windows and seats.
Truck Driver: Hey, it was a rhetorical question. Are you all right? Look, buddy, it's not me. But if I get caught with a civilian back here, I could lose my insurance. Listen. Do you have any money?
Adrian Monk: No, I'm sorry.
Truck Driver: Wait, wait, wait. Here. Buy yourself some dinner. [hands Monk a wrinkled note] What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: Smoothing it out.
Truck Driver: Why?
Adrian Monk: I don't know.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Debbie Barnett: Sir? Excuse me. Are you okay? Did you get in a fight or something?
Adrian Monk: Uh.
Debbie Barnett: Can I get you something to drink?
Adrian Monk: Do you have any bottle of water?
Debbie Barnett: We could do that.
Adrian Monk: Wait. Wait. I have a favorite brand. It's the only brand I drink. It's called, um... It's called... Oh, I can't remember.
Debbie Barnett: I'll just bring you ours.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Debbie Barnett: How was everything? How's that water?
Adrian Monk: I like it.
Debbie Barnett: See, you have a new favorite brand. It's a big day for you.
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Debbie Barnett: Now, I'm just curious. Why do you have everything on different plates? Is that like a religious thing?
Adrian Monk: I guess so.
Debbie Barnett: Is that why you wash your hands every two minutes?
Adrian Monk: Probably.
Debbie Barnett: Well, to each his own.


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