Chilton Handy: He can't bowl if he's not wearing regulation footwear. That's a rule.
Abby: Fine! We'll just rent him a pair of shoes. What size are you?
Adrian Monk: Uh, here's the thing. When you say, "rent a pair," you're talking about footwear that other people have already worn?
Abby: That's right.
Adrian Monk: On my feet? Here, here's the thing. I don't like to share anything.
Frances: Fine. Let's just buy him a new pair.
Chilton Handy: Pro shop's closed. So what's it gonna be? If he doesn't bowl, you forfeit.
Greg: Here. We're about the same size. [Monk inspects Fred's shoes]
Abby: What the hell are you looking at? They're just shoes. Just put them on.
Adrian Monk: Here's the thing.
Abby: Okay, stop saying, "here's the thing." Just put on these shoes for 20 seconds. Then you can take them right off.
Adrian Monk: 20 seconds? I don't know.
Chilton Handy: So you forfeit?
Abby: Listen. We've been waiting five years to beat these creeps. All you have to do is put on Greg's shoes and roll the freaking ball.
Adrian Monk: I can't.

Natalie: I used to work in a place like this. I lasted about two weeks. You do the same thing every day.
Adrian Monk: [exited] The same thing.
Natalie: After a while, you begin to feel like a number.
Adrian Monk: A number.
Natalie: You're just like everybody else.
Adrian Monk: Everybody else.
Natalie: You're basically a drone.
Adrian Monk: A drone?

Lieutenant Disher: Captain, this just came in. I think you better sit down.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What is it?
Lieutenant Disher: I really think you ought to sit down, sir.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't want to sit down, Randy. What is it?
Lieutenant Disher: It's pretty big, sir.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What is it?
Lieutenant Disher: Okay. Sir, it's just that when I got the call, I was sitting down, and I'm really glad I was.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Somebody die? [Randy looks off to the side] Is anybody hurt? [Randy looks off to the side] [Stottlemeyer sits down at his desk]
Lieutenant Disher: I just got off the phone with the SEC. They're investigating Warren Kemp for insider trading.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Is that it?
Lieutenant Disher: There's definitely a leak. And they're pretty sure that it's coming from inside the firm. One theory is that it's Warren Kemp himself. But he was having second thoughts, so our guy breaks his hand as a warning to keep him in line.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And that's it?
Lieutenant Disher: [checks the file] Yes, sir.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And you had me sit down for that?
Lieutenant Disher: No. No, it wasn't just that. I mean, you looked a little bit tired. Is that my phone?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Your phone?
Lieutenant Disher: [takes out cell phone] Disher. Uh-huh. Yeah. I gotta take this, sir. Yeah, no, no, no. I'm on my way.

Adrian Monk: They're talking about football. I have that one. Give me the cards.
Natalie: No, Mr. Monk, you don't need the cards. Just go talk to them. You are an interesting person. Can't you just be yourself?
Adrian Monk: Give me the cards. Weather, politics, movies, swearwords...
Natalie: Swearwords?
Adrian Monk: Don't you look at that one.

First Detective: Hah, Monk is here. I guess we can all go home now.
Adrian Monk: You guys talking about last night's game? San Francisco 49ers lost 27 points to 21 points.
Second Detective: Yes, we know.
Adrian Monk: That was a hell of a fourth quarter, though. It was the turnovers. They always come back to haunt you.
First Detective: Yeah, I was just saying Rattay can't handle the pressure. I mean, why didn't they take him out?
Adrian Monk: ... Excuse me.
[Monk returns to Natalie for another card, before heading back to the two detectives]
Adrian Monk: That's true about Tim Rattay, the quarterback. But don't forget, he won four out of his last five home games.
Second Detective: But they were playing in Houston, Monk.
Adrian Monk: You guys wanna hear some swearwords?

Captain Stottlemeyer: What you got?
Adrian Monk: Well, this tire iron is metric. It doesn't fit this car. In fact, all the cars down here are American made. I think the killer brought this down to pretend to change a tire. Probably drives an import.
Lieutenant Disher: Good, what else?
Adrian Monk: Tweezers. Well, he's insecure. He's always trying to impress people. Act tougher than he is.
Lieutenant Disher: How do you know that?
Adrian Monk: He was chewing on this.
Lieutenant Disher: Toothpick.
Adrian Monk: It's not conclusive.
Natalie: Captain.
Adrian Monk: Just a theory. Could, could be wrong.

[Disher is holding an evidence bag with a toothpick inside]
Captain Stottlemeyer: What does it mean, Lieutenant?
Lieutenant Disher: I think it means the killer was very intelligent.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, Monk. What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: We're just talking about the local football franchise.
Captain Stottlemeyer: All right. The niners.
Adrian Monk: Heh, no. The San Francisco 49ers.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Come on. Body's over here.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, sure. I'll catch you guys on the flipside.
[The two detectives laugh as Monk walks away]
Adrian Monk: There it is. Hearing them laugh as I walk away. That's the worst part.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, they're not laughing at you.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, right.

Captain Stottlemeyer: The shooter then drags Shelton's body this way and rolls him under this truck. Then he hangs out here in the garage and waits.
Natalie: For what?
Lieutenant Disher: For victim B, Warren Kemp. He enters the garage at 7:30. Heads for his car.
Natalie: Wow. Sweet ride.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I'm thinking of getting one of these myself.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Meanwhile, back on Earth, the killer forces Kemp over to the car, at gunpoint, makes him put his hand in the car door and breaks it.
Adrian Monk: He killed the first guy, then waited around but then only breaks the second guy's hand?
Captain Stottlemeyer: His right hand, not his left hand. He was very specific about that. And then he takes off.

Warren Kemp: It's Natalie, right? His gal Friday.
Natalie: Something like that. How's the hand?
Warren Kemp: Nine broken bones.
Adrian Monk: One more would have been an even 10.
Warren Kemp: Well, you sound disappointed, Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: Well, it's too late now.