Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Mr. Monk and the Bully’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Monk: Mr. Monk and the Bully

714. Mr. Monk and the Bully

Aired February 6, 2009

Monk is contacted by his childhood bully who suspects his wife is having an affair.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Captain Stottlemeyer: So identical twins? That's one for the books.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I'm pretty sure I said twins.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, you always say twins.

Rate

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Listen. Do you hear that?
Natalie: What? The birds?
Adrian Monk: Not the birds. Don't you hear that? The toilet tank refilling. Toilet tank of life.
Natalie: Come on, Mr. Monk. I'll drive you home.
Adrian Monk: It's what Plato called the great cosmic swirly. There's no escaping it.
Natalie: Plato said that?
Adrian Monk: I'm paraphrasing. I'm gonna need that shower cap back.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Okay, look. Roderick Brody changed my life. Maybe as much as Trudy did. He ruined everything. It was childhood's end really.
Dr. Bell: You know, I had a bully in school too. He would wait for me every morning outside the bicycle rack.
Adrian Monk: Excuse me. Sorry to interrupt. You went to your father for advice and he told you to face up to the bully and the bully backed down.
Dr. Bell: Yes, more or less, yes.
Adrian Monk: What a wonderful anecdote. It'll give me something to think about at 1:00 when my head is in the man's toilet.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Bell: Why don't you just cancel? Just say you're busy.
Adrian Monk: Natalie won't let me! It's the first paying customer we've had in three weeks. Look, what I need is a note, okay? A note from you. Something I can show Natalie to get me out of this.
Dr. Bell: Adrian, I'm not gonna write you a note.
Adrian Monk: You don't have to write it. It's already written. All you have to do is sign it.
Dr. Bell: Adrian, this isn't gym class. Now you've been talking about this Roderick Brody since the first session. And as I recall, you're still having nightmares about him. See, I think this meeting today is a gift. It's an opportunity.
Adrian Monk: Maybe you right. Let's sign the note.
Dr. Bell: It's an opportunity to confront your deepest and most troubling fears. To finally resolve them. Put them all behind you. Not many people get this chance.
Adrian Monk: I see your point. I never looked at it like that. Can I have the note back?
Dr. Bell: Sure. Wait a- You're not planning to forge my signature?
Adrian Monk: [chuckles] No, no, no. [tries to grab the note]

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Hi, excuse me. Hi, we're looking for this woman.
Bartender: You a cop?
Adrian Monk: Just an old friend.
Bartender: Haven't seen her.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Maybe General Washington can refresh your memory.
Bartender: Is that a dollar?
Adrian Monk: Okay, I get it. Who knows, maybe there are... two General Washingtons. [Bartender walks away] Where are you going? Where's he going? Got to admire the guy. He's incorruptible.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: What is that? Is that your camera? Where did you get that?
Adrian Monk: It was a birthday gift.
Natalie: From who? Thomas Edison?
Adrian Monk: It was from my nana.
Natalie: Wait, is there actual film in it?
Adrian Monk: Of course there's film in it. I have three pictures left. There's not enough light. So...
Natalie: Is that a flash cube?
Adrian Monk: Bingo. Hold this. Hold it.
Natalie: What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: It's an old private eye trick. Hold that. I'm gonna use it as a mirror.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: How do we tell' em apart? Say aunt.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, let's arrest the one that wasn't drowning.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah. Yeah, that works too.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Thank you again for squeezing me in.
Dr. Bell: Oh, I'm happy to do it, Adrian. There's just something I still don't understand. We already had an appointment for 3:00.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, 3:00 is too late. You remember Roderick Brody?
Dr. Bell: Yes, that's the bully from middle school who used to, you know. In the lavatory.
Adrian Monk: Swirlies. They're called swirlies. He called yesterday. I'm supposed to meet with him this afternoon.
Dr. Bell: Oh. What does he want?
Adrian Monk: What do you think he wants? He wants to pick up where he left off.
Dr. Bell: Adrian, I don't think a 50-year-old man is calling you back after all this time just to... To give you another swirly.
Adrian Monk: You don't, huh?
Dr. Bell: No, I don't.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: Let's just hear what he has to say. If you're not comfortable, we'll leave. I promise.
Adrian Monk: Really? I'm not comfortable.
Natalie: Come on.
Adrian Monk: Not comfortable.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, we haven't even said hello.
Adrian Monk: Wait. Wait. Okay, wait! Okay, wait, wait.
Natalie: What is that? Is that a shower cap?
Adrian Monk: Sometimes he'd let me wear one.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, I don't think we're gonna be needing that.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: She seems nice. How bad could her husband be?
Adrian Monk: Doesn't always work like that. Eva Braun took in stray puppies for god's sake.
Natalie: At least we know his checks won't bounce.
Adrian Monk: Look at that thing. That is hideous. [toilet flushes] God. He's warming up. Shower cap.
Natalie: No.
Adrian Monk: Shower cap!

Quote from Adrian Monk

Roderick Brody: Listen, Adrian, I gotta be honest. I've heard stories. I heard you went a little crazy since we graduated. Now I just need to know, is it funny crazy or sad crazy?
Natalie: Funny crazy.
Adrian Monk: Sad crazy. Excuse me. There's something that I have to say. "Roderick Brody, you stole something from me. You stole my childhood. The boy that you tormented has grown into a broken man. I am now damaged goods. I will never recover from the wounds that you inflicted on me. I will never forget you. And I will never forgive you."
Roderick Brody: So it's sad crazy.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: What was that about?
Adrian Monk: She's cheating on him.
Natalie: We don't know that.
Adrian Monk: Of course we do. It has to be true. It's always true. And I get to tell him, Natalie. This is gonna kill him!
Natalie: Mr. Monk, you can't enjoying this.
Adrian Monk: I am loving it. Look, it's a beautiful day. I think the sun's coming out. Oh, my God. This is better than a swirly. I win. Do you understand? After 40 years, I win.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: That way.
Natalie: Why that way?
Adrian Monk: I feel lucky! Isn't this a great case? Isn't this the best case ever?
Natalie: I've never seen you like this.
Adrian Monk: I never knew revenge could be so sweet. And you know what makes it even sweeter? Give up? Roderick Brody is paying for it. He is footing the bill for his own comeuppance. And that is the best kind of comeuppance there is. Excuse me, kind sir. Have you seen this woman? She's cheating on a guy who used to put my head in a toilet bowl. Isn't that great?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: His name is Douglas Fendle. Do you know him?
Roderick Brody: Fendle? No.
Adrian Monk: Are you sure? Young, strapping, good-looking guy. Virile. You don't know him?
Natalie: She met him at a bar on Vinton Street, had a couple of drinks, and he left first.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, the virile guy left first. We followed him to the Avalon hotel on Jackson place.
Natalie: Roderick, I'm really sorry.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, we're really, really sorry.
Roderick Brody: I don't see anything. This is so dark.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, well that film expired about 35-40 years ago. But that's her. If you want to cry, go ahead. We understand.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: All right, how about this? I'll keep digging. I'll get a better camera. I'll get a digital computer camera. So there won't be any doubt.

Next Page 

 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode