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‘Mr. Monk Fights City Hall’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Monk: Mr. Monk Fights City Hall

716. Mr. Monk Fights City Hall

Aired February 20, 2009

As Monk protests against the demolition of the parking garage where Trudy was killed, he investigates the disappearance of a councilwoman who helped his cause.

Quote from Natalie

Adrian Monk: Do you see a journal anywhere? She supposedly kept a journal. [opens closet] Huh. Looks like she had some roommates. A cheerleader, a French maid. Wait. Oh, you know what? They weren't roommates, Natalie. This is a love nest. That's what it is.
Natalie: You think?
Adrian Monk: This is one of those love nests that you read about.
Natalie: Yeah, but for who? That's the question. Who was she meeting? Oh, my God!
Adrian Monk: What? What is it?
Natalie: Nothing. It's nothing. Mr. Monk, don't open that drawer, you understand? Whatever happens, whatever you do, don't ever, ever, ever... ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever open that drawer!
Adrian Monk: What if there's a clue in there? What if it could solve the case?
Natalie: I don't care!

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Quote from Harold Krenshaw

Harold Krenshaw: As you all know, we lost a dear friend this week. Eileen Hill's body was discovered earlier this morning. Let us pray that the San Francisco police catch her killer and bring him or her to justice. Or if they don't catch him, let us pray that Eileen's murder was the work of a random nut job, or frustrated ex-Boyfriend, and not some kind of a masked vigilante, who, for some reason, has a personal vendetta against the City Council, and is determined to slaughter us, one member at a time, picking us off when we least expect it, using a different, yet somehow appropriate method for each of his grisly killings. Amen.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: I was buried alive once.
Natalie: Yeah, I remember.
Adrian Monk: I was in a box. I was underground for three hours. And that box is now the second-most frightening place I've ever been.

Quote from Dr. Bell

Dr. Bell: So, uh, you want me to put this up?
Adrian Monk: Maybe in the waiting room.
Dr. Bell: I think it might upset some of my patients. A lot of them are paranoid enough.
Adrian Monk: Well, what if I write "She's probably okay" on the bottom?
Dr. Bell: Maybe.
Adrian Monk: And by "maybe," you mean...
Dr. Bell: I mean "no."
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Dr. Bell: I'm sorry.

Quote from Dr. Bell

Dr. Bell: You think she was murdered?
Adrian Monk: It's starting to look like it.
Dr. Bell: Maybe she ran away. Maybe she couldn't stand all those meetings. I served on the city council. Not here. When I lived in Tulsa. I hated it. The meetings where interminable. After a few months, I stopped going all together. I used to send my secretary in as my proxy.
Adrian Monk: Is that legal?
Dr. Bell: It was in Tulsa.
Adrian Monk: Proxy.
Dr. Bell: Adrian, you're standing up. Why don't you sit down?
Adrian Monk: I think you're a genius.
Dr. Bell: Okay, you can stand.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Actually, the key piece of evidence was right in front of me the whole time. It was her.
Maria Schecter: Me? What?
Adrian Monk: I don't know how I could've missed it. Eileen Hill was a well-educated, professional woman. She was an adult. This woman, on the other hand, is a dolt. Adult, dolt. Adult, dolt. Adult, dolt, adult dolt...
Natalie: Mr. Monk, she's right here.
Adrian Monk: She knows she's an idiot. She can't even answer a phone. Have you ever tried talking to her? It's torture. Question, why would Eileen Hill hire a moron like that? The answer is simple and heart breaking. To convince you that she was pregnant. To manipulate you, to get you to leave your wife. She need to have a home pregnancy test come out positive. And for that, she need pregnant urine.
Paul Crawford: Pregnant urine?
Adrian Monk: That's why she advertised in a Lamaze class. She need to hire a pregnant woman, so she could give her a drug test. It was all about the drug test. It's the only possible reason why Eileen Hill - or anyone - would hire this person.
Natalie: He doesn't mean it.
Adrian Monk: Of course, you did have some trouble when you were dumping the body. You drove to the pier, you thought you were alone. But there were a couple tourists nearby. Did they see you? Did they take a picture? You probably weren't sure, but you couldn't take a chance.
Paul Crawford: Still waiting for some proof, Mr. Monk. Real evidence.
Adrian Monk: You mean, like this? Chalmers of London. Imported. Custom made. Just like the one that was around Eileen Hill's neck. Sheriff.
Sheriff: Mr. Crawford, would you come with us, please?
Paul Crawford: Yeah.

Quote from Harold Krenshaw

Harold Krenshaw: I'm talking about your new therapist. The mystery doctor. The genius you're always raving about. Who is he? Just tell me his name.
Adrian Monk: I can't tell you. It's privileged information.
Harold Krenshaw: No, it's not. What happens in the sessions is privileged. His name isn't privileged. People recommend therapists every day. Am I right, Natalie?
Natalie: I don't know, Harold, I'm just waiting for the conversation to be over.
Adrian Monk: Okay, fine, fine. His name is Doctor... Door.
Harold Krenshaw: Doctor Door? Is that the best you could do? I suppose if we were standing over there by that alarm, You would have said Doctor Bell?
Natalie: [does a spittake all over Harold] Oh, God, Harold. I'm so sorry!
Harold Krenshaw: Don't touch me! Don't touch me!
Natalie: Sorry, I'm sorry.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Bell: Adrian, you've been going back to that parking garage for 11 years. Ever since Trudy died.
Adrian Monk: That's right.
Dr. Bell: You're there two, maybe three times a month. Now, the forensics people have covered every inch of it. So here's my question. Do you believe-- I mean, do you really believe, in your heart of hearts, that there's evidence in that parking garage you haven't found?
Adrian Monk: [sighs] No.
Dr. Bell: Still, you're determined to save it.
Adrian Monk: There's a wall on the lower level. It's a gray wall, and it says "B-5" in big, red letters.
Dr. Bell: What about that wall?
Adrian Monk: It was the last thing that she saw. I can't live without it.

Quote from Harold Krenshaw

Adrian Monk: Harold, she can't do that. It's too late, right?
Harold Krenshaw: In point of fact, it's not too late at all. This is only a recess. The meeting hasn't been officially adjourned. So the vote isn't final. Read the bylaws.
Adrian Monk: I read the bylaws.
Harold Krenshaw: Well, read them again. Let's reconvene the meeting. We're gonna be voting again. Uh, for the record, I don't think you're a dolt.
Adrian Monk: Maria.
Harold Krenshaw: Your boss looks pretty depressed. May I suggest that you call his new therapist? What was his name again?
Natalie: Dr. Bell.
Harold Krenshaw: Dr. Bell. See you in the waiting room.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Foreman: What the hell you think you're doing? I don't know if you heard the news, buddy, we gotta tear this whole place down.
Adrian Monk: You can't do that.
Foreman: I can't do that? I got two bulldozers outside says I can.
Adrian Monk: I'm not leaving!
Foreman: All right, pal, look. I don't know what your story is, all right? But you're going home. Where's the key to the lock? Give it to me. [Monk throws it down a drain] You gotta be kidding me. Cheese and crackers, we're tearing down a parking garage here. All right, this is a good thing. All right, we're gonna build a playground here for the kids. What's the matter, you don't like kids?
Adrian Monk: My wife died here. Right over there. Her name was Trudy. She died here. You can't tear it down.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Eileen Hill: All right everybody, let's just calm down, okay? Let's just settle down, all right? Hi. Hello, Adrian. I'm Eileen Hill. I'm on the City Council. This parking garage is slated for demolition. We voted on it last week.
Adrian Monk: I know. I was there.
Foreman: Why can't we just drag this bozo out of here?
Eileen Hill: Excuse me, do you know who this man is? This is Adrian Monk. He was a decorated police officer, who's been serving this city officially and unofficially for 20 years.
Foreman: Well, he sure isn't serving the city today.
Eileen Hill: Adrian, I understand you lost your wife here. Where did it happen?
Adrian Monk: It was right- It was right over there.
Eileen Hill: I'm so sorry for your loss. I really am. But you can appreciate our situation. There are hundreds of children in this community.
Adrian Monk: Councilwoman, this is a crime scene. This is hallowed ground. Trudy's case is still open. There could still be clues here. Something I missed. If you tear this place down, they'll be gone forever.
Eileen Hill: I didn't consider that.
Adrian Monk: You could be letting a killer go free for a swing set or a sandbox.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: Okay, well, they were tourists. Probably German.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Really? Why do you say that?
Lieutenant Disher: Because they were German. Uh, from Berlin. Mr. and Mrs. Erhard Helmrich. Uh, we found their wallets and passports in their pockets. I, uh, talked to a clerk at a hotel. They were staying downtown at the Best Western. He said that they were a pretty quiet couple.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, they look pretty quiet.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, well, they weren't this quiet. I mean, before last night. They were just regular quiet, like, when they checked in to the hotel.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, Randy, I know what you mean. I was trying to be wry.
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, sorry, my bad. Do you want to say it again?

Quote from Harold Krenshaw

Harold Krenshaw: I heard about your little temper-tantrum downtown.
Natalie: It wasn't a temper-tantrum.
Harold Krenshaw: Mm-hmm. Whatever it was, it apparently worked. I have today's agenda here, and it looks like we'll be voting on your parking garage again.
Adrian Monk: That's right.
Harold Krenshaw: You know, I voted against you last time.
Adrian Monk: Yes, yes, I know that.
Harold Krenshaw: But I've been thinking about it, and I could be persuaded to change my mind.
Adrian Monk: Really?
Harold Krenshaw: Oh, yes.
Adrian Monk: Fascinating.
Harold Krenshaw: How shall I vote? Aye or nay? Up or down? Hmm, I don't know. It all depends on my mood. And my mood depends on how I feel.
Adrian Monk: What does that mean? Your mood depends on how you feel?
Harold Krenshaw: You know what it means.
Adrian Monk: I really, really don't. Do you have any idea what he is talking about? I'm lost.

Quote from Natalie

Maria Schecter: Councilwoman Hill's office, can you hold, please? Councilwoman Hill's office, may I put you on hold?
Adrian Monk: Hello? Hello, my name is--
Maria Schecter: I can't talk to you right now, okay? The councilwoman is missing. It's a madhouse in here. Thank God it's Friday.
Natalie: It's not Friday.
Maria Schecter: Who told you that?
Natalie: Well, no one told me.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Here's the thing. Uh, I'm conducting my own investigation. It's kind of personal. I need to speak with the councilwoman. There's a vote that's very important to me, and they've just postponed it until next week. [phone rings]
Natalie: When was the last time you saw Ms. Hill?
Maria Schecter: Yesterday morning. She same in for about an hour. And then she had to leave. She had an appointment.
Adrian Monk: Great. With whom?
Maria Schecter: I don't know. I'd have to check her calendar. [waits]
Adrian Monk: Could you do that, please?
Maria Schecter: I don't like you.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Maria Schecter: There it is. That's her schedule for the whole week.
Natalie: Oh, great, can you print that out for us, please?
Maria Schecter: How am I supposed to get you a copy?
Natalie: There's a printer right behind you.
Maria Schecter: Yeah, there's no print button.
Natalie: Yeah, it's right here. It says "P-N-T."
Maria Schecter: Pint?
Adrian Monk: It's abbreviated. Print, printing, printer. Print.
Maria Schecter: I'm new here.
Adrian Monk: Really? I never would have guessed that.
Maria Schecter: Are you patronizing me?
Adrian Monk: No, I'm insulting you.
Maria Schecter: [paper falls on floor] Great. Thank God it's Friday.
Adrian Monk: Take your time.
Maria Schecter: I hope my water doesn't break. Chivalry is dead. I don't like you at all.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: Good morning. I'm Captain Leland Stottlemeyer. This is Lieutenant Disher. You know Adrian Monk, Natalie Teeger.
Lieutenant Disher: You're a hard man to find, Mr. Crawford. We were leaving messages at your house.
Paul Crawford: My apologies, Lieutenant. I was out all night. Working on a series of articles about police corruption. They're confidential, hush-hush. You understand.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, I look forward to not reading that.

Quote from Adrian Monk

George Gionopolis: Hey! Can I help you?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, are you Mr. Gianopolous?
George Gionopolis: You health inspectors?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Homicide.
George Gionopolis: Oh, hey! It's okay, they're only from homicide! You scared the bejeezus out of me.
Lieutenant Disher: Are you the, uh, hot dog czar?
George Gionopolis: My father was Frankie Gianopolous. And he was the original czar. And I was the... The duke of dogs. And then, when he passed away-- [clutches chest] Oh. Hold on.
Natalie: Oh, my God, are you okay?
George Gionopolis: [wheezes] No. No, I'm fine. Oh, boy, I'm fine. Oh, that happens to me three or four times a week. My doctor can't figure it out. [continues eating hotdog]
Adrian Monk: Really? His doctor can't figure it out.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

George Gionopolis: Anyway, when my old man passed, I inherited his kingdom, so to speak.
Al: You hungry?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, yeah, sure, I'll take one. I love hot dogs.
George Gionopolis: Oh, yeah, yeah, take all you want. We take care of our friends in blue, and they take care of us.
Lieutenant Disher: Mmm. Boy, that's good. What is that, beef or pork?
George Gionopolis: Uh, we use "meat."
Natalie: Why do you say it like that?
George Gionopolis: Uh, we are required by law to put it in quotes.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Yeah. Mr. Dog. Mr. Dog czar, we're looking for councilwoman Eileen Hill. She's been missing for two days.
George Gionopolis: I heard about that. It was on the news. I can't help you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: When was the last time you saw her?
George Gionopolis: Oh, it was, like, three weeks ago. A month, uh... [coughs into a bag of hotdogs] No, they're good. Uh, she did call me on Monday morning and said she was coming over, but she never showed up. Which was fine with me. [chuckles]
Natalie: You don't like her?
George Gionopolis: Oh, I wouldn't say that. I would say I hate her. Hate. And every vendor here feels exactly the same way. She wants to regulate us to death.
Al: She wants us to wear gloves. And to put lids on the condiment trays.
George Gionopolis: Lids!
Al: And to change the water in the pots every other day.
Natalie: And what's wrong with that?
George Gionopolis: These dogs are like a fine wine. They need to simmer.
Al: The simmering. That's the secret.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, the simmering. See, the "meat" has to simmer.

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