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Mr. Monk and the Girl Who Cried Wolf

‘Mr. Monk and the Girl Who Cried Wolf’

Season 3, Episode 6 -  Aired July 30, 2004

Sharona takes a break from being Monk's nurse after a series of harrowing moments leave her questioning her sanity. Sharona sets Monk up with a nurse from her creative writing class, Varla Davis (guest star Niecy Nash).

Quote from Dr. Kroger

Dr. Kroger: You know, it's a confusing time, not just for you, but for everyone. It's hard to feel centered. These days, it's hard to even know where the center is. What are you feeling right now?
Sharona: Well, I feel weird being here like I'm trespassing. [Dr. Kroger chuckles] I bet those pillows must drive him crazy, huh?
Dr. Kroger: I'm not at liberty to say.
Sharona: Well, I see my window is cleaner than your window. That's got to be him.
Dr. Kroger: Sometimes I wish that we could switch seats, so I could get this window a little...


Quote from Adrian Monk

Varla Davis: I'm going to need a list of your meds and the proper doses.
Adrian Monk: I don't take any medication.
Varla Davis: What the hell am I doing here, then?
Adrian Monk: I have... I just need a little help.
Varla Davis: Doing what?
Adrian Monk: Everything.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Sharona wanted me to, to give you this.
Varla Davis: Mmmkay. Adrian Monk, care and feeding. Special diet, schedule, phobias. Heights, germs, snakes, crowds, milk... You're afraid of milk? How old are you, man? I got a 2 year old nephew who's not afraid of milk.
Adrian Monk: You must be very proud of him.
Varla Davis: For what, not being afraid of milk? That just means he's normal. [balls up paper] You don't need this. Sharona's a good nurse, but she's been treating you like a baby. The party is over, Adrian Monk, because I'm going to treat you like a man.
Adrian Monk: Don't do that.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Adrian Monk: Look, I don't know what to think. Sharona has been under a lot of stress. She's been losing things. She's been forgetting appointments.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Maybe she needs some time off.
Adrian Monk: From what?
Captain Stottlemeyer: From you. Monk, that lady's got the most stressful job in North America. I know guys on the bomb squad, tough as nails, nerves of steel, that couldn't work for you. They'd have cracked four years ago. I'd say give her a break. A week off with pay. Send her home. There, case closed.

Quote from Sharona

Dr. Kroger: How do you feel when, when you lose something?
Sharona: Scared. But I can't show it because of Benjy.
Dr. Kroger: Okay, what, what are you afraid of?
Sharona: That I'm falling apart like my father.
Dr. Kroger: Tell me about that. My father was a very active man. Because he owned a hardware store back in Jersey, and, um, one morning, he never came downstairs. He wouldn't get out of bed. He said he couldn't. He said he was too tired. And he never got out of bed and my mother had to sell the store.
Dr. Kroger: I'm sorry.
Sharona: Everybody was sorry. And then he ended up in the hospital. Everybody called it a rest home, but I knew what that really was. So... You know what? All, all I can remember was that, that his room was this ugly blue color, and that it smelled like fish, and that's where he died. In that room. I was 12 at that time and... Oh, that's how old Benjy is. I swear to God, if I have a breakdown, I am never going to forgive him.
Dr. Kroger: Your father?
Sharona: Adrian.
Dr. Kroger: Sharona, you're, you're not... You're not saying that Adrian is responsible for this. You're a nurse. You know he's not... contagious.
Sharona: Look, I am with him all day, and all I know is that I was fine before I met him.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Varla Davis: Are you Adam?
Adrian Monk: Uh, no.
Varla Davis: Wait. Hold on. Anthony.
Adrian Monk: Adrian.
Varla Davis: No, that's not it. Shoot, I can't read my own handwriting.
Adrian Monk: It's Adrian. I'm pretty sure.
Varla Davis: Hold on. A... Adrian. You were right. I'm Varla, Sharona's friend from her writing class. She told you I was coming, right?
Adrian Monk: Well, um...
Varla Davis: What are you looking at? My eyes are up here.
Adrian Monk: I, uh, no. Uh, no, I wasn't...
Varla Davis: What's a Monk doing looking at my breasts?
Adrian Monk: I'm not a Monk. My name is Monk.
Varla Davis: Mmm-hmm. My boyfriend teaches kickboxing. You don't want to be messing with me.
Adrian Monk: Uh, are you a nurse or...
Varla Davis: I'm not just a nurse. Honey, I'm your nurse. And I got to pee. Hold my note. Got to go make my bladder gladder.
Adrian Monk: Not, not, not, no. No, please, don't. That, not really a public restroom.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Varla Davis: Hey, coconut, you were talking to the lady. Finish what you were saying.
Adrian Monk: You're not crazy.
Sharona: What?
Adrian Monk: You are not crazy.
Varla Davis: You might want a second opinion. This man's not exactly an expert on not crazy. Why didn't you tell me he thinks he's Kojak? A friend has an obligation to tell another friend when somebody think he's Kojak.

Quote from Harold Krenshaw

Harold Krenshaw: Are you next?
Adrian Monk: I'm just waiting for a friend. I've never been here on Tuesday before. I'm here on Mondays. And Fridays. And every other Wednesday. [Monk rearranges some magazines. Harold changes them back] What do you think of the new white noise machine?
Harold Krenshaw: I don't like it. It's half-decibel louder.
Adrian Monk: Exactly.
Harold Krenshaw: Yeah.

Quote from Harold Krenshaw

Harold Krenshaw: What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: Just making them even. Two, two and two. That's the way Dr. Kroger likes it.
Harold Krenshaw: Did he tell you that? I didn't think so. No, Dr. Kroger and I have a system. We, we arrange them by titles.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Harold Krenshaw: So this is why I have to fix it every time I come in.
Adrian Monk: I was just about to say the same thing.
Harold Krenshaw: Right up here.
Adrian Monk: Stop acting like a child now.
Harold Krenshaw: You are being ridiculous. You are spiraling-
Adrian Monk: Not only do you have serious control issues, you're a pathological liar.
Harold Krenshaw: Well, you are a fool.
Adrian Monk: Because I know... I have known Dr. Kroger for a much longer time than you. Don't drop it on the floor! Well, now, now we have to throw it out.
Harold Krenshaw: You're being ridiculous. This goes up here.
Adrian Monk: You're very selfish.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Varla Davis: And since we're going to be together for two weeks, there's a few things you need to know.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no.
Varla Davis: All right? I get a hour for lunch by myself with a TV. Okay, by 5:30, what? In my car driving away waving goodbye. I get weekends off. Don't call me at home unless it's an emergency, which it won't be, so don't ever call me.
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Varla Davis: There you go again, looking at my chest.
Adrian Monk: No, no, I'm...
Varla Davis: Touch me again and I'm going to smack you so hard, even your children will feel it. Now, where you keep the chips?
Adrian Monk: I don't, I don't have any children. Um, Trudy and I talked about it, but, uh...
Varla Davis: Oh, shoot, there's a crumb.

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