Captain Stottlemeyer: It's pretty routine. An industrial accident.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, her name was Edna Coruthers. The manager says she was a model employee, first one here, last one to leave. He figured she was checking on a delivery for a customer and, uh, a 42-inch flat-screen TV fell on her. She was killed instantly.
Sharona: That's horrible. Does the TV still work?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Sharona, the TV just killed a woman.
Sharona: What are you going to do, lock it up?

Benjy: We're pouring two jigsaw puzzles out, 500 pieces each. Now we're mixing them together. Okay, open your eyes. Ready Go.
Rudy: Is he a robot?
Benjy: No, he's a person.
Rudy: Wow. What else can he do?
Benjy: He vacuums a lot, and he solves murders.
Rudy: You could sell tickets to this.
Benjy: I know, I know. I want to, but my mom won't let me. He's her boss.
Sharona: Benjy, what are you doing? He's not a toy.
Benjy: He doesn't care. He likes it. Don't you, Mr. Monk?

Adrian Monk: You stole a granola bar. You took a bite and you put it in your pocket.
Dr. Kroger: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Adrian, that- That really hurts me.
Adrian Monk: It hurts me, too.
Dr. Kroger: I am not a thief. I had that bar with me when I went into the store. I- I carry them in my pocket all the time just to keep up my energy.
Adrian Monk: Uh-huh. Yeah. So there's, um there's one in your pocket right now?
Dr. Kroger: Yes, Adrian, there is one in my pocket right now, and I hope I do not have to take it out to prove it to you.
Adrian Monk: I- I...
Dr. Kroger: You know, Adrian, I see this all the time. I work with cops, I work with ex-cops. You... You see terrible things. People lie to you. After a while, you don't believe anything.
Adrian Monk: I- I- I- I- I...
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, you're going to have to make the leap. You're going to have to trust. Otherwise, you're going to be completely alone, and I hope that that doesn't happen to you.
Adrian Monk: You're right. I'm sorry.
Dr. Kroger: All right. Okay, let's, um talk about the case.
Adrian Monk: A woman was killed in the store. Officially, it's been called an accident.
Dr. Kroger: You're working in the store.
Adrian Monk: Yes. It's going pretty well. Mr. Donovan, the shift manager, said he might move me up to register one.
Dr. Kroger: [starts eating granola bar] Mm-hmm.
Adrian Monk: Oh. [chuckles] Thank God. [Dr. Kroger chuckles] Of course I- I knew it. I knew it all along.
Dr. Kroger: Of course you did. Yeah.

Adrian Monk: You planning a trip?
Jennie Silverman: Excuse me?
Adrian Monk: Couldn't help but notice you're taking quinine. Malaria pills.
Jennie Silverman: Who are you?
Adrian Monk: I'm Adrian.
Jennie Silverman: I know your name. I can see your name, but who are you? I'm just a curious person.
Adrian Monk: It's a gift and a curse. For example, yesterday, you were ringing up a customer. You pretended not to know him, but you knew his zip code.
Jennie Silverman: I don't know what you're talking about. That curiosity of yours, it's not a gift and a curse. It's a curse.

Sharona: Maybe I should just buy a TV while I'm here.
Adrian Monk: What's the matter with the one you have?
Sharona: It broke. All we get is the Science Channel. I swear, if I see one more show about the Moon Landing, I'm going to scream.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, what could be more dull than the conquest of space?
Sharona: Exactly.

Sharona: Tired?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I was up all last night with my girlfriend.
Sharona: Yeah, those imaginary girlfriends can be pretty wild.
Lieutenant Disher: She's not imaginary.
Sharona: Ooh. - What's her name?
Lieutenant Disher: Crystal.
Sharona: [notices a box] What's her last name, Glassware?
Lieutenant Disher: No, it's Smith.
Sharona: Do you have a picture?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah.
Sharona: Oh. She's pretty. [turns picture over] Randy, this came with the wallet.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I know. She's a wallet model.
Sharona: That's sad.
Lieutenant Disher: Sharona, she's one of the top five wallet models in the world, thank you very much.

Captain Stottlemeyer: So, uh, what, are you going to pop all of these?
Adrian Monk: No choice. You have to press down with your thumb.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, I know how to pop bubble wrap. Thank you. Hey, Chandler, Roberto, get over here. Start popping these.
Chandler: Is there a reason why we're doing this?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Nope. Just keep popping.
Adrian Monk: Hey, I really appreciate this.

Joe Christie: Adrian. I gave up on you three weeks ago. Thanks for coming. [holds hand out] Are you not shaking because it's me or because you still don't shake hands? Look, for whatever it's worth, I didn't steal those drugs.
Adrian Monk: They were never logged in.
Joe Christie: I logged them in. That's all I know. I thought you, of all people, might give me the benefit of the doubt.
Adrian Monk: Look, I'm not here for you. I'm here for the woman who was killed on the loading dock.
Joe Christie: Well, according to the M.E., what happened was an accident.
Adrian Monk: Look, I noticed something about the letters that you gave us. They all have different postmarks, different handwriting, but they were sent by the same person.
Joe Christie: How do you know?
Adrian Monk: The stamps are from the same roll. The edges are uneven but they fit together like puzzle pieces.
Joe Christie: I'll be damned. You're still the man.

Woman: Excuse me, where is the paint thinner?
Adrian Monk: Aisle two, back of the store.
Woman: Thank you very much.
Adrian Monk: Have a Mega Mart day.

Adrian Monk: Thank you for shopping at Mega Mart. Deodorant, aisle 4.
Sweaty Man in Vest: What? Why would you say that?
Adrian Monk: No reason.