Patrick Kloster: Mr. Monk. That's my piece, Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: I'm just centering it. You'll thank me later.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Don't do it.
Adrian Monk: Don't do what?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Break my heart. You're thinking about planting evidence in Kloster's house. Monk, I've been a cop for 30 years. I've had this conversation nine times. I never thought that I'd be having it with you. There's a line. You step across it, and you're gone for good. There's no going back.
Adrian Monk: You don't understand.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I do understand. I've been there. I've had cases like this, cases you couldn't shake. Sometimes you have to let it go.
Adrian Monk: Let it go?
Captain Stottlemeyer: We have to move on. There's a city- A city full of people. Other people that need our help right now.

Adrian Monk: Ah, I'm afraid you can't touch that. I'm sorry.
Woman #1: She was our niece.
Adrian Monk: Well, I'm a former police officer. And I'm afraid we have to borrow your niece, her remains, for a couple of days.
Woman #2: Borrow her?
Adrian Monk: Yes, we have to run some toxicology tests on the body.
Woman #1: Oh, my goodness.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no, we do it all the time. We're going to cut her open just- Just a little bit. And slice off a teeny tiny, tiny piece of her liver and her stomach, and maybe take a little, tiny, nearly imperceptible bit of fluid from her eyeball. Like on TV. Who likes TV?
Woman #1: But why?
Adrian Monk: The fact is we think she may have been poisoned.
Woman #2: But how did the poison get in the cable car?
Adrian Monk: What cable car?
Woman #1: The cable car that hit her. That's how Marjorie was killed.
Adrian Monk: Um, um, um...
Patrick Kloster: Mr. Monk, that's not my wife. My wife is right here. I had her cremated two hours ago. As you can see, I have anticipated your every move.
Adrian Monk: Cremated?
Patrick Kloster: Yes, I don't think your toxicology tests are gonna do much good, but you are welcome to try. Aw, I know that look. I've seen it quite often. That's how my opponents look when they know they've been beaten. Your move, Mr. Monk.

Natalie: Oh, my God. He's coming. What do we do? We should kiss. No! I didn't say that. I wasn't thinking. I never said that.
Patrick Kloster: Good morning. I thought you might be thirsty. Well, this is for you, Natalie. It's lemonade. And, Mr. Monk, I believe this is your brand. Oh, my books. I could autograph one for you.
Adrian Monk: No, thank you. No.
Patrick Kloster: Very well. I'll leave you two alone. Enjoy your little stakeout.
Natalie: Well, you have to admit, he's pretty good. What? He was right. I was thirsty.
Natalie: What?
Adrian Monk: How do you feel?
Natalie: Uh, I feel fine. What?
Adrian Monk: It just occurred to me. If there's poison in that lemonade, we could go to the D.A., and we'd have all the evidence we need.
Natalie: [spits out] It just occurred to you, and you didn't say anything? My God, Mr. Monk, I have never seen you like this. [pours the lemonade away]

Adrian Monk: What?
Natalie: Nothing. I was just thinking about the case and how you solved it. You really are amazing.
Adrian Monk: Well, thank you.
Natalie: No, you really are my hero.
Adrian Monk: Okay.
Natalie: I know this sounds crazy, Mr. Monk, but could I have your autograph?
Adrian Monk: Oh, please.
Natalie: Please, just to have it for myself, like a keepsake. Come on, it'll just take a second.
Adrian Monk: All right, if it really means something to you. Okay.
Natalie: Thank you.
Adrian Monk: That's Linda Kloster's check.
Natalie: Which you just endorsed. I'll be right back. I'm going to the bank.

Adrian Monk: "Payable to Natalie Teeger."
Natalie: My four favorite words.
[As Monk very carefully tears the check out of the book, Natalie has time to leave the room and return with a book and a drink]
Natalie: Thank you.
Adrian Monk: Thank you very much.
Natalie: Um, excuse me. Where's the rest of it? I worked Tuesday night, remember? That was overtime.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I thought you were just hanging out.
Natalie: No, Mr. Monk, I wasn't just hanging out. I spent seven hours reorganizing the utensil drawer. That was work.
Adrian Monk: But you said it was fun. I distinctly remember that. I said, "Isn't this fun?" And you said, "Uh-huh." So...
Natalie: You mean unless I'm complaining, you're not going to pay me? Is that the new rule?
Adrian Monk: Even if I wanted to, I've already torn it out of the checkbook.
Natalie: Yeah, so you just void it out. Void. Write "void." And then you just write another one.
Adrian Monk: Natalie, I can't do that. I wish I could. If it were up to me-
Natalie: Of course it's up to you.
Adrian Monk: I need you to use your inside voice.
Natalie: What- Oh, my God! God!
Adrian Monk: I'm a little short of cash right now, okay? But I'm good for it. You know I'm good for it. Just keep track-
Natalie: Yeah, I have been keeping track. It's over $1,800, Mr. Monk.
Linda Kloster: [enters] I'm sorry, the door was open. I thought I heard screaming.
Natalie: Oh, no, that's just me. I scream every payday.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Forget about him. Look, just get a cruiser out there. Park it out front until further notice.
Natalie: You can't arrest him for anything?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, apparently there's no law against giving your wife the willies.
Lieutenant Disher: Captain, we just got a call.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay.
Lieutenant Disher: You better put down the cup.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Just tell me who called.
Lieutenant Disher: Just put the cup down, or finish it, or drink half of it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why?
Lieutenant Disher: Because you're probably gonna drop it, I'm gonna have to clean it up. Just have a sip. How 'bout a sip? [Stottlemeyer puts the cup down] Linda kloster's dead. Her housekeeper just found her. [Stottlemeyer throws the cup against the wall]

Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, you don't seem to understand. This Patrick Kloster thing is a big, bad headline just waiting to happen. Now I know that you're upset. I know that this case is very important to you. But we need real hard evidence. Maybe if you found some powder already ground up in a little bottle inside his house. Maybe then.
Adrian Monk: In a bottle? Right, we wouldn't even need his fingerprints. We could just say he wore gloves.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What'd you say?
Adrian Monk: Nothing. Nothing.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Can I talk to you for a minute? Come here, I want to show you something.
Adrian Monk: What is it?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Down the hall there's a sign I think is a little crooked. I want your opinion.
Adrian Monk: Crooked. I'll be right back.

Adrian Monk: Can I help you?
Linda Kloster: My name is Linda Kloster. My husband is Patrick Kloster.
Adrian Monk: Patrick Kloster the chess player.
Natalie: I was just reading about him. He's some sort of super genius, like off the charts.
Linda Kloster: Yes, Patrick has an I.Q. of 180. Four points higher than Albert Einstein's.
Adrian Monk: What can I do for you?
Linda Kloster: Well, it's my husband. He's gonna kill someone.
Natalie: How do you know?
Linda Kloster: He told me. He talks about it all the time. He says he has a perfect plan. He says it's foolproof. And that he'll never get caught.
Adrian Monk: And did he say who he's going to kill?
Linda Kloster: Yes. It's me. He's gonna kill me.

Natalie: Where is he now?
Adrian Monk: He's playing a tournament in Vancouver. I've been following it.
Linda Kloster: That's right. He's in Canada until Tuesday.
Natalie: Well, at least you're safe until then.
Linda Kloster: Am I?
Adrian Monk: Mrs. Kloster, I have friends at the department.
Linda Kloster: Oh, I really appreciate that, Mr. Monk. But the police can't protect me. Patrick is smarter than all of them put together. My husband's gonna murder me. I'm already dead. And there's nothing you or anyone can do about it. Here's a check for $5,000.
Adrian Monk: I'm a little confused. If- If you don't think he can be stopped--
Linda Kloster: I'm hiring you to catch him.
Adrian Monk: You mean after?
Linda Kloster: That's right. After he's killed me. Mr. Monk, you are the only man smart enough in this world to make him pay for what he did. Or, rather, what he's gonna do.
Adrian Monk: I can't. I can't. I don't know what to say.
Linda Kloster: Say yes, Mr. Monk. Promise me. Promise me you won't let him get away with it.
Adrian Monk: I promise.