Adrian Monk: A self-cleaning vacuum. Do I wake or do I dream?
Natalie: I don't know, Mr. Monk.

Natalie: Well, maybe somebody injected him with something, like a needle.
Lieutenant Disher: No, I was there, I would've seen that. A blow dart, you know, a poison dart.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And what happened to the dart? It would have been sticking in his neck.
Lieutenant Disher: Not necessarily. There could have been a long, elastic wire attached to the blow dart. They're called Dartarangs.
T.K. Jensen: How do you know they're called Dartarangs?
Lieutenant Disher: 'cause they're probably called it. Or at least that's what they should be called.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [whispers] Just nod your head and say maybe.
T.K. Jensen: Maybe.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Interesting, Randy. Interesting.

Captain Stottlemeyer: I know she's been trying to throw you a party. And, she's going to.
Adrian Monk: No.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, she's gonna get you.
Natalie: I'm gonna get you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: But this is a murder victim's place of residence. Do you honestly think that she would do it here?
Adrian Monk: No, I don't. And that is precisely why I do. And because I do, I don't. So yes, I do.

Adrian Monk: Mr. Pressman, excuse I'm sorry to bother you. I just have to know, how does it work? I mean, where does all that dust go?
Kurt Pressman: It's a high voltage electronic filter. It's in the brochure. The dust is disintegrated.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, I didn't get a brochure. I'm here with the police.
Kurt Pressman: The police?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, we're here about, something else completely unrelated, but I think the work you're doing is historic. A self-cleaning vacuum is right up there with the wheel or Windex.

Adrian Monk: Let's get started, Captain. You're going to be Richard Meckler. He was standing right here. Right here. Natalie, you're his wife. So you were standing right there.
Lieutenant Disher: What about me?
Adrian Monk: You're you.
Lieutenant Disher: But I'd rather be Meckler.
Natalie: Why?
Lieutenant Disher: He has more to do.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, you're you.

Natalie: Is the child safety lock in the off position?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Natalie: Is the power switch on?
Adrian Monk: Yes.
Natalie: Is the cyclone cover tightened securely?
Adrian Monk: Cyclone cover, yes. I don't understand it. It was working perfectly. I was using it all morning. I cleaned the filter, and it just stopped.
Natalie: You cleaned the what?
Adrian Monk: I cleaned the filter.
Natalie: You cleaned the air-actuated ionized electronic filter?
Adrian Monk: That's right. I always clean the filter.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, it says do not clean the filter.
Adrian Monk: Where?
Natalie: Here, here, here, here, here.
Adrian Monk: I saw that, but it didn't make any sense. You always clean the filter. What did I do? What did I do? I'm so sorry. So sorry. It's true what they say. The good die young. Not this vacuum. Take me instead.

Natalie: The dumpster. The dumpster.
Adrian Monk: I can't.
Natalie: The port-a-john.
Adrian Monk: Have we met?
Natalie: Mr. Monk, you have to choose.
Adrian Monk: I choose death.

Natalie: That's it? Everybody left. That's your story? I'm so throwing you a party.
Adrian Monk: What?
Natalie: It's gonna be the biggest party of the year. It's gonna be a cotillion. We're gonna dance until dawn.
Adrian Monk: No, I can't. Not after what happened.
Natalie: Oh, Mr. Monk, that's the stupidest story I ever heard. I'm sorry but that is lame. Everybody left?
Adrian Monk: Well it was very traumatic.
Natalie: It's stupid, I mean, I have worse stories than that. Everybody does. Wait, why can't you tell Dr.
Bell?
Adrian Monk: I didn't think he could handle it.
Natalie: I am so throwing you a party, as God is my witness and I'm going to surprise you too.
Adrian Monk: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're gonna surprise me? You're not gonna surprise me.
Natalie: You don't think I'm smart enough? It is so on. I'm throwing you a party, boss. It could be anytime, anywhere.

Natalie: Is that the new vacuum? Where did you get it?
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah. The captain met this reporter from a consumer magazine. She let me borrow it.
Natalie: And how is it?
Adrian Monk: It's spectacular. See there's no dust bag. You don't have to empty it. And if it picks up a coin or something, look... There's a little tray. See, I think I'm in love.
Natalie: Well, I'm sure you two will be very happy.

Natalie: Why? Tell me why? There has to be a reason.
Adrian Monk: Okay, I'll tell you. But you can't tell anyone. I haven't even told Dr. Bell.
Natalie: Okay, I promise. [Monk closes the curtains] My God, what is it?
Adrian Monk: All right. I was ten years old, and there was this cowboy.
Natalie: A cowboy?
Adrian Monk: Cowboy Hank.
Natalie: Okay.
Adrian Monk: He was- He was on TV every week and he was my hero. When I turned ten my mother surprised me. She hired Cowboy Hank to come to my party. It must have cost her every nickel she had. And, um, he, he brought a rope with him.
Natalie: A rope?
Adrian Monk: Like a lasso.
Natalie: Oh, my God. What did he do with it?
Adrian Monk: Tricks. A lot of kids from my class were there. Cowboy Hank was really funny. He did all his tricks and then he left.
Natalie: He left.
Adrian Monk: As soon as he was gone, all my friends, my so-called friends, went home. They didn't stay for cake or anything. They didn't care about me. They just wanted to see Cowboy Hank.