Sharona: Sir, you have to stop that train! He's all alone!
Police Officer: Okay, okay, okay. Shh, calm down. Calm down, calm down, calm down. Ma'am, this happens all the time. What's his name?
Sharona: Um, Adrian Monk.
Police Officer: Okay, how old is he?
Sharona: He's 45.

Lt. Plato: If it's any consolation, your friend showed great courage. After he was run over, he crawled inch by inch through the mud and garbage trying to get help.
Sharona: He crawled through what?
Lt. Plato: Mud and garbage.
Sharona: He's not dead.
Capt. Alameda: Pardon me?
Sharona: It's not him!
Capt. Alameda: Senorita, your friend is gone.
Sharona: It's not him. Maybe it's the guy that stole our suitcases?
Lt. Plato: How can you be sure?
Sharona: Adrian Monk would die before he'd crawl through mud and garbage.
Capt. Alameda: But he was dying.
Sharona: You don't understand.

Sharona: I thought at the most they were gonna offer me five to ten grand, but this is real money. This will pay for Benjy's college. Not just community college. Any college. He can go anywheres that he wants.
Natalie: Sharona, that is so great. I mean, congratulations! I'm sorry about the circumstance.
Sharona: Oh, no, no, it's okay. I only met the guy twice. Oh, my God. Is this what good luck feels like? I mean, because I never actually had it, you know?
Adrian Monk: Huh.
Natalie: What? Is there a problem?
Adrian Monk: There's something wrong here.
Sharona: Don't you say that. Don't find anything, because if this is not an accident, then they're not responsible, and then they don't have to pay. Do you understand?
Adrian Monk: Right. Okay...
Sharona: No, I want you to stop looking at this. It was an accident, okay? Say it was an accident. No, I want you to say it was an accident! [sighs] I know that look. I remember that look. I hate that look.

Natalie: But they weren't alone. The caddy was there.
Sharona: The caddy saw the whole thing.
Adrian Monk: That's the beauty of it. It was a perfect plan.
Sharona: I don't understand.
Adrian Monk: I'll tell you later.
Sharona: No, you have to tell me now. Say "Here's what happened."
Adrian Monk: Well, he's right there.
Sharona: Just tell me. Say "Here's what happened."

Sharona: Forget about the damn stove, okay? You are on a job here. You're a private consultant.
Adrian Monk: I know, but I smelled it and I think...
Sharona: You gotta shut up. The department thinks you're nuts. You're never gonna get reinstated, you're never gonna get hired again, and we are both gonna be unemployed. Do you understand the importance of what I am saying? [Adrian nods] Now, pull your twisted self together, concentrate and be brilliant. You're brilliant.

Sharona: You still have some schmutz over there.
Adrian Monk: Where?
Sharona: Right there. Hold on, hold on. [hands Adrian a wipe from the drawer]
Adrian Monk: Hey, you still got it.
Sharona: It's like riding a bike.
Adrian Monk: [chuckles] Oh, man.
Sharona: A very clean, very unusual... Very sad bike.

Sharona: Wow. This is where you grew up?
Adrian Monk: Are you surprised?
Sharona: Nah, I just always pictured something different.
Adrian Monk: Like what?
Sharona: I don't know. Like a laboratory.

Sharona: Look, I might have told her some things that weren't exactly true.
Adrian Monk: Like what?
Sharona: Like, Benjy's on the honor roll.
Adrian Monk: Oh, okay. No problem.
Sharona: Okay, thanks. Oh! Oh, oh, oh. And... And I also told her that my rent is only $900 a month. And-And-And- And I broke up with Steve, the florist I was dating. He didn't break up with me. Oh, oh. Oh, oh. And also that I am seeing a really nice guy, Ronnie, who's a stockbroker, but he's out of town this weekend. Oh, oh! Oh, oh. And- And you you have a full medical plan, including dental. And, uh, I'm not your assistant. I'm your partner. Is that okay?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. Wow! Congratulations.
Sharona: Thank you.

Sharona: Scabs go home! Scabs!
Adrian Monk: All right.
Sharona: Scabs. Union! Union! Scabs go home! Union! [dog barks]
Adrian Monk: What are you doing?
Sharona: Well, I'm a union girl.
Adrian Monk: Since when?
Sharona: Since I started working for you. Scabs go home! I should start my own shop.
Adrian Monk: Do it. I'll join you.
Sharona: You're not allowed. You're management.
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah? Good. Get rid of the dog.

Sharona: Adrian, you were right. He's my uncle. I know I only met him twice, but twice is enough. I guess I never... [trips]
Adrian Monk: Sharona.
Natalie: Are you okay?
Sharona: Oh, my God, I think I broke my arm.
Gary Hanks: I can't believe they never fixed that.
Sharona: This is my lucky day. Benjy's going to college. [groans] Oh, God. Oh.