Lieutenant Disher: There's a contest. It's like a promotional thing. Collect all the pieces, you get free refills for life. I've been looking for this one for six months. Ha, free refills for life. Captain. Captain, I drink four of these a day. I live to be 100, that's, like, a million dollars.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, a security guard was shot and killed. This is a homicide investigation.
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir, I know. This coupon is three weeks old. CSI guys just cleared it. It's not part of the case. Cap- Captain, you're a spiritual person. I mean, you believe in God, right? I think this happened for a reason. Him dying, me finding this.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What are you talking about?
Lieutenant Disher: Circle of life.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's The Lion King.
Lieutenant Disher: Exactly. Except instead of a lion, it's me. And instead of a baby cub, it's a Diet Coke.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, I'm gonna let you have the receipt on one condition. You know what you just said about the lion, and the baby cub, and the Diet Coke? You don't ever repeat that again as long as I'm alive, understood?
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir.

Dr. Kroger: [phone buzzes] I'm sorry. Um, your mother? Any meals in particular that you might, uh-
Adrian Monk: You want to take that call?
Dr. Kroger: No, no. It's just Troy, my son. It's a message from his school. He didn't show up again.
Adrian Monk: Maybe he's sick.
Dr. Kroger: No, he's not sick. He's probably in some parking lot listening to trash metal music and skateboarding with his friends. You know, the truth is I'm at a loss here. I have been a therapist for 22 years. I- I don't know what to do with him.
Adrian Monk: Would you like me to talk to the boy?
Dr. Kroger: No. No, thank you.

Natalie: Something is not right. I don't trust them.
Adrian Monk: Why not?
Natalie: Because they're guys, teenage guys.
Adrian Monk: So that automatically means they're lying?
Natalie: Yes, it does.

Troy Kroger: Mr. Monk, try- Mr. Monk, try not to think about where we are. Concentrate on something else. You solved the case, right? You said you solved the case? [Monk nods] Well, talk to me about it. Yeah, tell me about the case. There was a bank robbery.
Adrian Monk: It was a- It was an inside job. The branch manager, Connelly, must have masterminded the whole thing. It was him, Tony Gammalobo, and Connelly's brother, Jack. He made sure they beat him up, so nobody would suspect him. Then it went wrong. Connolly's brother was shot. Must have died a few hours later, so Connelly had a problem. He had to get rid of the body. If the cops found it, they'd identify him. They'd know it was his brother and they'd know it was an inside job. This wasn't a treasure map. This was where Connelly wanted his brother buried.
Troy Kroger: But there was money, $5,000.
Adrian Monk: Connelly put that money there later. He wanted you to find it. He didn't have time to dig up his brother. He made a big X and buried a few bucks. He figured if you found any amount of money, you'd be satisfied. You'd stop looking around and just go home.
Troy Kroger: So what do we do now?
Adrian Monk: I don't know about you, but I plan on suffocating. [wails]

Troy Kroger: Mr. Monk. Mr. Monk, look at me. Look at me! You're gonna be okay. I know, let's play a game. Yeah, you and me are gonna play a game, Mr. Monk. You can think of anything. Any word you want. Anything. Animal, vegetable, mineral, anything.
Adrian Monk: Mineral. It's a mineral.
Troy Kroger: Is it gravel?
Adrian Monk: Yes, it's gravel! It's gravel. Gravel! It's gravel! It's gravel, okay? Gravel! It's everywhere.

Troy Kroger: See, we kinda messed up. We're flunking out of the class. The truth is we've been ditching school.
Adrian Monk: Yes, your father mentioned that.
Pez: What's with all this plastic?
Adrian Monk: Oh, that couch is, um, what's the word? Mine.

Captain Stottlemeyer: We hit a wall on that West Bay Trust robbery. I wanted to run a couple of things by you. We could have done this yesterday, but you were on your little road trip. What was that about?
Adrian Monk: Oh, I was helping Dr. Kroger's kid with his homework.
Lieutenant Disher: Who, Troy?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, the boy needs a role model, somebody to look up to.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What, you're gonna help him find one?

Troy Kroger: Okay, come on, keep going.
Adrian Monk: March 2nd 1967. It was partly cloudy. They said it was supposed to rain, but it never did.
Troy Kroger: Good. You're doing great. So, okay, next day?
Adrian Monk: March 3rd 1967. It was sunny. A little windy.

Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm not going to lie, Randy.
Lieutenant Disher: Can't you just say I had a hunch?
Captain Stottlemeyer: But you didn't have a hunch. You had to pee, and that's what I'm putting in my report.

Dr. Kroger: What happened down there?
Adrian Monk: I had a little talk with the boy. Heart to heart. It's important to listen. That's- That's really the main thing, listening.
Dr. Kroger: No, listening, listening is good. Listening. Well, whatever you did, Adrian, thank you. You gave our family a wonderful gift.
Adrian Monk: Better than a watch?
Dr. Kroger: [chuckles] Yeah, better than a wristwatch.
Adrian Monk: Mention that to Harold.
Dr. Kroger: No, I don't think that's appropriate.
Adrian Monk: Call him right now. Natalie, where's your phone?
Dr. Kroger: Here, sit down. Why do you have his number?
Adrian Monk: I mean, a watch, give me a break.
Dr. Kroger: Did I ever say to you that it was Harold? I never said it was Harold.