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‘Mr. Monk and the Buried Treasure’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Monk: Mr. Monk and the Buried Treasure

606. Mr. Monk and the Buried Treasure

Aired August 17, 2007

Dr. Kroger's son, Troy, asks Monk for help deciphering a treasure map he and his friends claim is a school assignment.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: There's a contest. It's like a promotional thing. Collect all the pieces, you get free refills for life. I've been looking for this one for six months. Ha, free refills for life. Captain. Captain, I drink four of these a day. I live to be 100, that's, like, a million dollars.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, a security guard was shot and killed. This is a homicide investigation.
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir, I know. This coupon is three weeks old. CSI guys just cleared it. It's not part of the case. Cap- Captain, you're a spiritual person. I mean, you believe in God, right? I think this happened for a reason. Him dying, me finding this.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What are you talking about?
Lieutenant Disher: Circle of life.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's The Lion King.
Lieutenant Disher: Exactly. Except instead of a lion, it's me. And instead of a baby cub, it's a Diet Coke.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy, I'm gonna let you have the receipt on one condition. You know what you just said about the lion, and the baby cub, and the Diet Coke? You don't ever repeat that again as long as I'm alive, understood?
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir.

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Quote from Dr. Kroger

Dr. Kroger: [phone buzzes] I'm sorry. Um, your mother? Any meals in particular that you might, uh-
Adrian Monk: You want to take that call?
Dr. Kroger: No, no. It's just Troy, my son. It's a message from his school. He didn't show up again.
Adrian Monk: Maybe he's sick.
Dr. Kroger: No, he's not sick. He's probably in some parking lot listening to trash metal music and skateboarding with his friends. You know, the truth is I'm at a loss here. I have been a therapist for 22 years. I- I don't know what to do with him.
Adrian Monk: Would you like me to talk to the boy?
Dr. Kroger: No. No, thank you.

Quote from Natalie

Natalie: Something is not right. I don't trust them.
Adrian Monk: Why not?
Natalie: Because they're guys, teenage guys.
Adrian Monk: So that automatically means they're lying?
Natalie: Yes, it does.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Troy Kroger: Mr. Monk, try- Mr. Monk, try not to think about where we are. Concentrate on something else. You solved the case, right? You said you solved the case? [Monk nods] Well, talk to me about it. Yeah, tell me about the case. There was a bank robbery.
Adrian Monk: It was a- It was an inside job. The branch manager, Connelly, must have masterminded the whole thing. It was him, Tony Gammalobo, and Connelly's brother, Jack. He made sure they beat him up, so nobody would suspect him. Then it went wrong. Connolly's brother was shot. Must have died a few hours later, so Connelly had a problem. He had to get rid of the body. If the cops found it, they'd identify him. They'd know it was his brother and they'd know it was an inside job. This wasn't a treasure map. This was where Connelly wanted his brother buried.
Troy Kroger: But there was money, $5,000.
Adrian Monk: Connelly put that money there later. He wanted you to find it. He didn't have time to dig up his brother. He made a big X and buried a few bucks. He figured if you found any amount of money, you'd be satisfied. You'd stop looking around and just go home.
Troy Kroger: So what do we do now?
Adrian Monk: I don't know about you, but I plan on suffocating. [wails]

Quote from Adrian Monk

Troy Kroger: Mr. Monk. Mr. Monk, look at me. Look at me! You're gonna be okay. I know, let's play a game. Yeah, you and me are gonna play a game, Mr. Monk. You can think of anything. Any word you want. Anything. Animal, vegetable, mineral, anything.
Adrian Monk: Mineral. It's a mineral.
Troy Kroger: Is it gravel?
Adrian Monk: Yes, it's gravel! It's gravel. Gravel! It's gravel! It's gravel, okay? Gravel! It's everywhere.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Troy Kroger: See, we kinda messed up. We're flunking out of the class. The truth is we've been ditching school.
Adrian Monk: Yes, your father mentioned that.
Pez: What's with all this plastic?
Adrian Monk: Oh, that couch is, um, what's the word? Mine.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: We hit a wall on that West Bay Trust robbery. I wanted to run a couple of things by you. We could have done this yesterday, but you were on your little road trip. What was that about?
Adrian Monk: Oh, I was helping Dr. Kroger's kid with his homework.
Lieutenant Disher: Who, Troy?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, the boy needs a role model, somebody to look up to.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What, you're gonna help him find one?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Troy Kroger: Okay, come on, keep going.
Adrian Monk: March 2nd 1967. It was partly cloudy. They said it was supposed to rain, but it never did.
Troy Kroger: Good. You're doing great. So, okay, next day?
Adrian Monk: March 3rd 1967. It was sunny. A little windy.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm not going to lie, Randy.
Lieutenant Disher: Can't you just say I had a hunch?
Captain Stottlemeyer: But you didn't have a hunch. You had to pee, and that's what I'm putting in my report.

Quote from Dr. Kroger

Dr. Kroger: What happened down there?
Adrian Monk: I had a little talk with the boy. Heart to heart. It's important to listen. That's- That's really the main thing, listening.
Dr. Kroger: No, listening, listening is good. Listening. Well, whatever you did, Adrian, thank you. You gave our family a wonderful gift.
Adrian Monk: Better than a watch?
Dr. Kroger: [chuckles] Yeah, better than a wristwatch.
Adrian Monk: Mention that to Harold.
Dr. Kroger: No, I don't think that's appropriate.
Adrian Monk: Call him right now. Natalie, where's your phone?
Dr. Kroger: Here, sit down. Why do you have his number?
Adrian Monk: I mean, a watch, give me a break.
Dr. Kroger: Did I ever say to you that it was Harold? I never said it was Harold.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: No, my mother was a wonderful cook. I can still remember coming downstairs. The aroma from the kitchen would just fill the... Is that a new watch?
Dr. Kroger: Oh, yeah, it is. It was actually a gift.
Adrian Monk: From your wife? It's not your anniversary.
Dr. Kroger: No, no, it's not from my wife. It's... not from my wife.
Adrian Monk: It's from a patient?
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, please, um... So we were talking about your mother.
Adrian Monk: Harold?
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, it's not important. Now, you were talking about your mother.
Adrian Monk: So what, he just gives you gifts? I didn't know patients were allowed to do that. I'd be glad to give you something.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, it's really not necessary.
Adrian Monk: I've thought about it. I've thought about it. A lot. I have. I mean, I I wouldn't even be wherever it is I am without you, Dr. Kroger. I mean, I'm grateful.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian.
Adrian Monk: I'm very grateful.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian. Adrian.
Adrian Monk: I wish I could think of-
Dr. Kroger: Adrian. Don't buy me anything. It's really not appropriate and it's very important, to me that you understand this. Okay?
Adrian Monk: So what are you, about a 42 regular?

Quote from Natalie

Troy Kroger: It's a map.
Adrian Monk: Yes, I can see that.
Natalie: And your English teacher drew this?
Troy Kroger: Yeah, we're all in the same class together. And we're reading Treasure Island.
Ridley: It's about pirates. I think it was written by a pirate.
Pez: Yeah.
Troy Kroger: Totally.
Natalie: No, Robert Louis Stevenson. Not a pirate.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Natalie, I can't say no. It's Dr. Kroger's kid. The Doctor's always been there for me. Three times a week. Weekends. Holidays. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out a way to pay him back.

Quote from Natalie

Ridley: Elle Decor?
Natalie: It's a home magazine. You wouldn't be into it.
Ridley: I could be. I'm into lots of stuff. I got a corn snake who eats mice.
Natalie: I'm old enough to be your mother.
Ridley: But you're not.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Troy Kroger: Hey, hey, guys. Over here. Check this out, we totally got something. Mr. M.?
Adrian Monk: Okay. I don't think this is "Route 44" because it's going north to south, and highways with even numbers always go east to west. I think it's a mile marker.
Troy Kroger: Didn't I tell you? He's a genius. Well, look, this is the reservoir, right? So that means this is Old Lake Road, mile marker 44.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

CSI Tech: We had two bad guys in the bank.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Guard shot one of them.
CSI Tech: Wasn't this guy. This is your basic, no-frills heart attack. Guess that's one way to catch a crook.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'll take it.
CSI Tech: Where's the money?
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's a good question. Here's another one. Where's his partner? Here's another one.
Who is he?
CSI Tech: So far, he's John Doe. No wallet. No cell phone. Somebody picked him clean. Probably his pal.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Maybe. Maybe some kids.
CSI Tech: Kids?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. Skateboarders. They were here earlier today. We got a ramp. We got skid marks. And we've got a scratch. It's fresh. I'd say three, maybe four hours.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Troy Kroger: So my dad talks about me in the sessions?
Adrian Monk: Sometimes.
Troy Kroger: What does he say?
Adrian Monk: Well, he's worried about you. He doesn't know why you're so angry.
Troy Kroger: He wouldn't. He's impossible. Have you ever tried talking to him?
Adrian Monk: Yes, I have. Three times a week.
Troy Kroger: No, you're paying him. He has to talk to you. With me, it's like he doesn't even try. He just regurgitates that psychobabble crap he learned in college. Wanna hear something funny?
Adrian Monk: No.
Troy Kroger: When I was a kid, guess what I wanted to be. A shrink like my old man.
Adrian Monk: Maybe you will.
Troy Kroger: Yeah, or maybe I won't have to work at all. Anyway, next time you're in session, tell him I said hi.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Captain Stottlemeyer: What is that, number three?
Lieutenant Disher: It's four. Used to pay $3.50 for these.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And you're still single. Go figure.
Lieutenant Disher: At some point, I'm gonna need a bathroom.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No kidding.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Captain Stottlemeyer: Do you recognize him?
Steven Connelly: No. No, was he one of them?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You tell us. You got the best look at them.
Steven Connelly: Uh, I was pretty busy opening the safe. Getting beat up. Besides, they were wearing masks.
Lieutenant Disher: [sighs] I think that's it.
Steven Connelly: Was he the one that was shot?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No. No, he died of a heart attack. We found him in a parking lot in Pacific Heights.
Steven Connelly: I'm sorry I can't help you.
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, I think that's it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Can you think of anything else? [Disher sighs]
Steven Connelly: Uh...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Anything at all? [Disher whimpers] Okay, if you do, please give me a call.
Steven Connelly: Absolutely.
Lieutenant Disher: I have a question. Where's your bathroom?
Steven Connelly: It's in the lobby, but it's out of order.
Lieutenant Disher: Do you have another one for executives?
Steven Connelly: No, we've been using the one in the deli around the block. No further questions. Captain, I'll meet you out front. [runs out]

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Kroger: Boy, you're in a good mood.
Adrian Monk: Oh, just finished a big case.
Dr. Kroger: Well, then, it must have gone well.
Adrian Monk: You could say that.
Dr. Kroger: Oh, it sounds interesting.
Adrian Monk: Wasn't a big case. But in same ways, it was the most important case of my career.
Dr. Kroger: Well, I am intrigued.
Adrian Monk: I'll bet you are.
Dr. Kroger: Well, what was it? What, for the city?
Adrian Monk: No. It was a private client. It was a chance to help a friend of mine, a very dear friend.
Dr. Kroger: Oh, I'm sure he appreciates it.
Adrian Monk: [chuckles] He doesn't even know about it. And I'm not gonna tell him. I don't want him to feel indebted.
Dr. Kroger: See, now that is the purest form of charity. You know, to help someone and not take any credit.

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