Natalie: All right, so they broke in, they killed a security guard, and stole an egg-eating robot.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, could the machine possibly be involved?
Captain Stottlemeyer: What'd you say?
Lieutenant Disher: Well, in science fiction, they sometimes come alive. They become sentient. If this were a movie, you'd believe me.
Captain Stottlemeyer: If this were a movie, I could walk out, Randy.

Dr. Bell: You're a lucky man. [off Monk's silence] Adrian? Talk to me. Come on.
Adrian Monk: What's the catch?
Dr. Bell: With what?
Adrian Monk: With Marge. What do you suppose she's after?
Dr. Bell: All right, Adrian-
Adrian Monk: Every time somebody wants to be my friend, it turns out they're after something. They have an angle.
Dr. Bell: No, not necessarily.
Adrian Monk: How could somebody- How could anybody love me unconditionally? I mean, come on. You've met me.
Dr. Bell: Adrian, I know you've been burned in the past, but you have to trust people. See, there's not always a catch.
Adrian Monk: Then how do you explain this? There's always a catch.

Lieutenant Disher: It looks like it's an inside job. Security tapes are missing, and the store gets re-supplied the first Tuesday of every month.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And that was yesterday, so he was plugged in somehow. We're putting together some names, going back ten years, everybody that's ever worked here.
Adrian Monk: You don't have to go back ten years. The manager only worked here for a year. The killer wore a ski mask, ergo, the killer was afraid he'd be recognized, ergo, the killer must have worked here recently.
Lieutenant Disher: "Ergo" the killer? What's that, Hungarian?
Captain Stottlemeyer: His name isn't "Ergo," Randy.

Marge Johnson: Morning. Is that thing broken again?
Adrian Monk: I don't know.
Marge Johnson: That light is always breaking down. I've called the traffic bureau about it twice. They don't listen to me. To them, I'm just a crazy old coot.
Adrian Monk: Well, I'm gonna give it another half-hour.
Marge Johnson: Nonsense. We're crossing this street.
Adrian Monk: It says, "Don't walk."
Marge Johnson: Oh, it's just a rule. There's nobody coming. Hey, be a pirate. It's fun to be a pirate.
Adrian Monk: Pirate?
Marge Johnson: Come on. [takes Monk's arm and walks him across the road] There. Now, wasn't that fun?

Miles Franklin: Excuse me. Is that absolutely necessary?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Is what necessary?
Miles Franklin: Removing the body. I'm Miles Franklin. I'm the curator here. As you can see, this is a world-record Museum.
Captain Stottlemeyer: So I gathered.
Miles Franklin: There was already one victim on the swordfish. That was already pretty impressive. You understand, this is like a godsend for us. We pray for things like this.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Sir, that's a human being. He had a name. He had a family.
Miles Franklin: We pray for things like this. This'll be bigger than those twins on the motorcycles.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Would you go stand over there, please?

Lieutenant Disher: Where's Togo?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Where's who?
Lieutenant Disher: Togo the egg-eating robot. He was right here.
Miles Franklin: He's right. I don't know how I missed that. Togo's been here for years. It's a mechanical display.
Natalie: Good work, Randy. How did you know it was missing?
Lieutenant Disher: I come here every year on my birthday. Kind of like a family tradition.
Captain Stottlemeyer: When you were a kid. [Disher is silent] You meant when you were a kid. Say, "yes," Randy.
Lieutenant Disher: Yes.

Natalie: What is that? Is that candy? Where did you get that?
Adrian Monk: A friend.
Natalie: What friend?
Adrian Monk: I made a friend. It could happen.
Natalie: It's that lady, isn't it? That sweet old lady, Marge. She gave you candy! That is so cute. You're eating her candy.
Adrian Monk: That's enough about the candy.

Natalie: Pirate?
Adrian Monk: It's more fun to be a pirate.
Natalie: That's good advice. Come on, boss. I'll make you some lunch.
Adrian Monk: What are we having?
Natalie: Ooh, chicken pot pie with a little Jolly Roger flag on top and a bottle of rum.
Adrian Monk: Okay, you don't have to beat it to death.
Natalie: Shiver me timbers, you look hungry.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, okay, how is that funny?
Natalie: It's funny.

Natalie: All right, the light is broken. I think we should just go.
Adrian Monk: No, it says, "Don't walk."
Natalie: But we've been here for 10 minutes. The light's broken.
Adrian Monk: It says, "Don't walk." All right, how about this? You stay here, I'm gonna go pick up our checks. I'll be back in ten minutes.
Adrian Monk: How about this? We don't do what you said, we both wait here, and we give it a little more time.
Natalie: Okay.
Adrian Monk: What are you doing? Are you insane?! It says, "Don't walk." What is your problem?
Natalie: Mr. Monk, there's no traffic. There are no cars. Are you coming? [Monk hesitates] All right. You stay here. I'll be back.

Natalie: There he is. You made it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, I heard you had a little disagreement with a "Don't walk" sign?
Natalie: But here you are. I knew you could do it.
Adrian Monk: Actually, I had a little help.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, don't tell me. A little old lady took you by the arm and helped you across the street.
Adrian Monk: She's not that little. That's her over there.