Lieutenant Disher: What's that?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's cellophane. Monk's idea.
Adrian Monk: It's to protect the cake. Makes it more fun.
Lieutenant Disher: For what?
Adrian Monk: Well, when you blow out the candles, there's always a little, what I call, spittle.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Actually a pretty good idea. It's a birthday cake spittle shield. You know, that's the first idea that you've had that I might actually consider investing in.
Adrian Monk: Thank you.
Natalie: Make a wish. [Disher takes a long, thoughtful moment]
Captain Stottlemeyer: Blow out the candles, lieutenant.
[As Randy blows out the candles, the flames spread to the cellophane cover which ignites. As Randy tries to blow out the fire, Stottlemeyer uses a fire extinguisher.]
Adrian Monk: Hey, happy birthday.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I think I might reconsider that investment.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, I wonder how Natalie and Randy are doing. I love weddings. Did you know that I met Karen at a wedding? I love weddings anyway. [sees Monk is down] Yep. You know who had a great wedding? You did. You and Trudy. Now, that was a great day. Where is that photo album?
Adrian Monk: She was... Wow!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Beautiful.
Adrian Monk: I remember during the service she was crying so hard, she couldn't even say the words, "I do." Have you ever seen anybody cry so much?
Captain Stottlemeyer: That was you, Monk. And, no, I have not.

Natalie: You broke into her room? Is that legal?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You don't need a search warrant to go into a hotel room if it's after checkout.
Adrian Monk: Is that true?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't know.

Lieutenant Disher: Is that your dad?
Natalie: Robert Davenport. Everybody calls him Bobby.
Lieutenant Disher: What does he do?
Natalie: He inherits money.
Lieutenant Disher: What about your mom?
Natalie: That's Peggy. She has two hobbies. Tennis, and making me feel like dirt. She's a champion at both.

Peggy Davenport: Oh, now, sweetheart, I'm sorry about your friend. But there isn't anything that you can do. So now we just have to... what?
Natalie: We soldier on.
Peggy Davenport: That's right. We soldier on. Uh, now, the rehearsal dinner is in about 20 minutes, so...
Natalie: What's that?
Peggy Davenport: Uh, oh, I found this outside.
Natalie: But those are Randy's pants.
Peggy Davenport: Oh, yes, I thought that this color would be good to show the wedding planner for the tablecloths.
Natalie: Khaki?
Peggy Davenport: No, the blood! Crimson! The ones she picked were sort of raspberry. Didn't go with any of the flowers at all.
Natalie: Mom, that's an evidence bag.
Peggy Davenport: Yes.
Natalie: You can't just take it from a crime scene. That's a felony.
Peggy Davenport: Well, the tablecloths are a felony, darling. And I'm going to give it back.

Adrian Monk: Natalie, that gift shop does not have my toothbrush. They do not carry the Gertler 4000. What am I supposed to do?
Natalie: We're gonna worry about that later. Come on, we're late. The rehearsal dinner's in 20 minutes.
Adrian Monk: You said "we"? You said "we're late?" I heard you say "we."
Natalie: You're my date. Congratulations.
Adrian Monk: Oh, wait! Here's the thing.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, someone did this to Randy. Maybe somebody in my family. You're a detective, right? This is your chance to look around.
Adrian Monk: Here's the thing.
Natalie: Here's the thing! I can't go in there alone! You're my date!

Adrian Monk: Jonathan. Theresa. Just wanted to say a few words. I... Well, the truth is I don't really know either of you very well. But I do know a couple of things about marriage. My wife Trudy used to say that marriage is 90% love and 10% forgiveness. She was married to me, so she was sort of an expert in forgiveness. [chuckles] That's a true story.

Adrian Monk: Is there anything I can do? That wouldn't inconvenience me?
Natalie: Yes. You can come with me tomorrow to my brother's wedding. My date just canceled.
Adrian Monk: A wedding? No, uh I'm sorry. Natalie, I can't. It's a bad idea for for, for seven reasons. Wait, eight. Actually, now that I think of... Nine. Nine reasons.

Lieutenant Disher: This is great. This is awesome! I mean I can't believe you remembered.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Of course we remembered. How could we forget?
Lieutenant Disher: My mom called you, didn't she?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Every day for the past month.

Natalie: [answers the phone] Hey. What? No, Roger, you can't. Because you can't. Well, I can't find anybody else. Because the dinner's tonight, Roger. The wedding's tomorrow. So what did the doctor say? So it didn't technically burst. All right, fine, Roger, you take care of yourself. Bye. [hangs up] What does an appendix do, anyway? I mean, it's an appendix! That means it's extra, right?