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‘Mr. Monk Falls in Love’ Quotes Page 1 of 3

Monk: Mr. Monk Falls in Love

706. Mr. Monk Falls in Love

Aired August 22, 2008

As Monk investigates the slaying of a cab driver, he falls for a woman and refuses to believe she could be the murderer.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Adrian Monk: He is carrying something. Could be St. Christopher. He's the patron saint of travelers.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay. Likes to travel.
Adrian Monk: What is that, a lion?
Lieutenant Disher: Zoo, zoo, zoo, zoo... zookeeper! A traveling, dancing zookeeper.
Captain Stottlemeyer: This is not a game show, Randy.
Natalie: Well, it could be an astrological sign. So she's a leo.
Captain Stottlemeyer: A leo.
Adrian Monk: What is that? Looks like a ruby.
Natalie: Yeah.
Lieutenant Disher: Rubies, so that's jewelry. She makes jewelry. She's a dancing zookeeper's daughter who makes jewelry!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay! I'm making an announcement. If our suspect turns out to be a dancing zookeeper's daughter who makes jewelry, I'm gonna retire.

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Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: We're friends of Leyla's. She's in trouble. She's in very big trouble.
Adrian Monk: Mrs. Zlatavich, we know- We know you killed this man. Your daughter is in jail now. Leyla is protecting you. You came here on her birthday, didn't you? To surprise her.
Mrs. Zlatavich: [speaks native language]
Natalie: Y- Y- You were giving her a gift. A bracelet.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, yeah. You landed at the airport. And you got into a taxi, but you had the wrong address. Look. Algonquin Avenue, right? That was her old address. You didn't know she had moved.
Mrs. Zlatavich: [gives a "Here's what happened" summation in her native language]

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Captain Stottlemeyer: We found this in the cab. It's got a design on it. Could be an invitation or something. And we found this under the backseat. There's blood splatter on it. We think the killer was wearing it.
Adrian Monk: A charm bracelet. Trudy had one of these. Usually, these aren't just decorative, though. Each one of these little charms could mean something. "L.Z." Probably her initials.
Captain Stottlemeyer: L.Z. That's good. There can't be a lot of Zs out there.
Natalie: Ballet slippers. Maybe she's a dancer or used to be.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That's good.
Adrian Monk: There's a man with a beard.
Natalie: Looks like Santa Claus.
Lieutenant Disher: Maybe she likes Christmas!
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm not going to write down that she likes Christmas.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Leyla Zlatavich: I feel so foolish. I didn't recognize you when we spoke yesterday at the refugee center. You are the famous detective. Today, some policemen came. They brought me to the police station. They asked me a lot of questions. They think I'm a suspect. They think I killed a taxi driver. How could they think that? I don't understand.
Adrian Monk: They only think that because of all the evidence against you. Some policemen have this thing about evidence.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Leyla Zlatavich: Did you like this?
Adrian Monk: It was wonderful. It was just-- It was just wonderful. Thank you for bringing me here. So, where do you want to eat?
Leyla Zlatavich: Oh, no, no, no. We're eating here. This is our food.
Adrian Monk: Hey, I don't think so.
Leyla Zlatavich: Pezni. "Pezni" means delicious.
Adrian Monk: Oh, pezni.
Leyla Zlatavich: What did you think he was doing?
Adrian Monk: I-I don't know. I thought it was some kind of way, way off-Broadway cabaret-type thing.
Leyla Zlatavich: It's an old Zemenian tradition. They prepare the food in front of you to whet your appetite.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, yeah. But he was juggling the food, I mean, and then it went in his hat. Then it came out of his hat. I mean, I've never seen a recipe that included the word "hat", really. [The cook serves their food] You know what? I just remembered, I had Zemenian for lunch.
Leyla Zlatavich: Detective Monk, I don't believe you.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Adrian Monk: Well, it could be a birthstone, right? What is ruby?
Sanchez: Uh, my mom wears one. A ruby is July. If she's a leo that was born in July, that narrows it down to nine days between July 23rd and the 31st.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Alright, here's what we know. We're looking for a woman whose initials are L.Z., maybe she's a dancer. She likes to travel or works with people who travel, and she was born between July 23rd and July 31st.
Lieutenant Disher: I can't think of anyone.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I thought maybe we'd use the computer for this one, Randy.
Lieutenant Disher: That's a good idea.

Quote from Adrian Monk

[As Monk straightens up the "Zemenian" flag in the refugee center:]
Leyla Zlatavich: [speaks native language]
Adrian Monk: Uh. Flag was falling. Falling.
Leyla Zlatavich: That's good! Your English is really good. Keep practicing. You're frightened. I can tell. But you're safe here. Everything will be all right. Do you understand? We'll get you some clothes so you can fit in. No one is going to laugh at you anymore. Would you like that?
Adrian Monk: [chuckles]
Leyla Zlatavich: Would you like some water?
Adrian Monk: [groans]
Leyla Zlatavich: I'll be right back.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Barber: [pours water on a homeless man] This ain't a hotel. Go on, get outta here.
Leyla Zlatavich: What are you doing? You can't treat people like that.
Barber: Lady, this is none of your business.
Leyla Zlatavich: This man is a human being.
Barber: Barely.
Leyla Zlatavich: I know your kind. I've seen it my whole life. You're a hooligan. You're a bully! He could've had a heart attack.
Barber: Lady, get outta my face before I call a cop.
Adrian Monk: Hey, I'll save you the time. [flashes wallet] I am the cops.
Barber: Where's your badge?
Adrian Monk: I'm a former cop. You wanna know why they kicked me out? You don't wanna know why they kicked me out! [hands the homeless man the barber's towel]
Leyla Zlatavich: Why did they kick you out?
Adrian Monk: Nervous breakdown.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Leyla Zlatavich: I never imagined that such a thing was possible in America. To be sent to prison for something I didn't do.
Adrian Monk: You are not going to prison. All we have to do is figure out what happened. Here. They found this bracelet in the taxicab. All the charms seem to point to you. It has your initials, see.
Leyla Zlatavich: Yes, the police showed this to me. Yeah, but it isn't mine. I told them I've never seen it before.
Adrian Monk: Okay, what about your alibi? Where were you Monday night?
Leyla Zlatavich: Monday night was my birthday. I went home alone. I turned my telephone off. Lit a candle, made a wish, went to bed early. Pretty exciting life, huh?
Adrian Monk: Is- Is that it? That's your alibi. That might be the worst alibi I've ever heard. Ever, in my life. Which is good. Because if you were guilty, you would have come up with something better, right?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Leyla. How's she doing?
Leyla Zlatavich: It should be me in there. You know I wanted to go.
Adrian Monk: I know. I know. The D.A. just called. Everybody understands what happened. Why she did what she did. She'll be out in two years. Probably less with good behavior.
Leyla Zlatavich: Two years?
Adrian Monk: I'm sure it'll be less. She seems like a very well-behaved older woman. I only met her the one time, but...
Leyla Zlatavich: Why did you do it? Why did you bring her in?
Adrian Monk: Because... Because she did it.
Leyla Zlatavich: My mother is going to jail.
Adrian Monk: Okay, let's-- Let's go somewhere and talk about it.
Leyla Zlatavich: No. Not now. Go back to your wife, Detective Monk.
Adrian Monk: Did you- Did you just say "wife" or "life"?
Leyla Zlatavich: Both.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: Taxi, taxi! Come on.
Amanda: It's freezing.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, it is cold out here. That's all right. We'll get one. I'm good at getting cabs. I'm kinda like the cab whisperer.
Amanda: That's a nice blazer.
Lieutenant Disher: Thank you very much. It's a gift from, uh... Well, from me. I wish I'd taken the lining out of it, though. Sometimes it gets really hot.
Amanda: Really?
Lieutenant Disher: You're shivering.
Amanda: You noticed.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, I notice everything.
Amanda: Thank you.
Lieutenant Disher: That's my job. I'm a good cop.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: Thanks for waiting, man. Uh, 88 Underhill Avenue, please.
Amanda: You're my hero. Do you want your coat back? Uh, no, why don't you keep it.
Lieutenant Disher: I'll get it in the morning.
Amanda: You're pretty sure of yourself, huh?
Lieutenant Disher: Uh, well, I am a cop. I read the situation. It's all in the details. Noticing all those little things that other people miss. For example, you usually wear glasses. I saw you squinting at the menu.
Amanda: You're pretty good.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah. Well, I've been doing it for years. It's second nature by now.
Amanda: We're not moving. [sees cab driver] Randy, oh my God!

Quote from Adrian Monk

Lieutenant Disher: The coroner puts the time of death around 9:20. Multiple puncture wounds from an antique hat pin.
Adrian Monk: A hat pin? Can I see that?
Captain Stottlemeyer: So, we're looking for a woman that's a start.
Adrian Monk: Oh, your "l" is a little crooked, there.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, it's not.
Adrian Monk: Yes, it is. It really is. It's hanging down on the bottom there. Yeah, it's still a little off. Now it's-
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk! This is a homicide task force. You want me to run downstairs and get a t-square So all the letters are even?
Adrian Monk: It doesn't have to be you necessarily. You could send...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk! Could we move on?

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Adrian Monk: Are there any witnesses?
McKiernan: Randy was there, so no, there weren't any witnesses.
Lieutenant Disher: I wasn't in cop mode. I was in date mode.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: She's beautiful.
Lieutenant Disher: Hmm, like Mother Theresa. Only hotter.
Natalie: "Only hotter"? You're gonna get hit by lightning.
Adrian Monk: She didn't do it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: How do you know that? We haven't even talked to her yet.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: What did she say?
Adrian Monk: She's not the guy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, you keep saying that. But how do you know?
Lieutenant Disher: Captain, check this out. It's from the collection box. A Zemenian ten dollar bill. That's the piece of paper we found in the cab.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Nobody bats a thousand, Monk. That's a perfect match.
Adrian Monk: What? perfect? You don't know that it's perfect. Don't you think I'd be the one to know if it's perfect? Well, it's not. Probably.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, we'll go to the lab and make sure it's perfect.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: Are you okay? You look a little flushed to me.
Adrian Monk: What?
Natalie: You're- You're blushing!
Adrian Monk: No, what are- What are you talking about?
Natalie: Oh, my God! You like her!
Adrian Monk: What? stop it! That's crazy talk!
Natalie: You're staring right at her.
Adrian Monk: No! I'm looking at- Over there. All right, yes. I'm looking at her. Okay, because she fits the profile. But she didn't do it. I'll go wait in the car. And she didn't do it! And that scrap of paper doesn't mean a thing.
Natalie: You like her.
Adrian Monk: I don't like her. And don't say that again! I don't like anybody. I'm gonna wait in the car.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: As you can see, all roads lead to our suspect, Leyla Zlatavich. Monk, you can shake your head all you want to, but you're not going to shake all of this away. All the charms on the bracelet match. Her initials, her birthday...
Lieutenant Disher: She works with travelers, she used to dance.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And if that's not enough, and it is, we found this Zemenian currency at the scene.
Adrian Monk: It's not enough.
McKiernan: I don't believe this.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, it's more than enough! Look, last year we got that conviction on that guy by virtue of the air he blew into a beach ball.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Wait! Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Let me think. [long deliberation] Where's the motive? You need a motive.
Sanchez: She had the oldest motive in the world. She wanted cash.
Adrian Monk: But the cabbie still had his wallet!
Captain Stottlemeyer: She was interrupted by Lieutenant Disher. She didn't realize he was still in date mode. She ran away.
Natalie: Okay, wait- What about the other suspect? You said there were two women who fit the profile.
McKiernan: We checked. The other woman's been dead for seven years.
Adrian Monk: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, wait. Wait, whoa. Hm. Interesting, right? It's fascinating, really. Let's look at this. Wow. A woman who's been dead for seven years hails a taxi, kills the driver, and then...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, she's the guy. Leyla's the guy.
Adrian Monk: But she's not the guy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay. Let's put it to a vote. All those who think we should bring Ms. Zlatavich in? [all except Monk & Natalie raise their hands] Those opposed? [Natalie and Monk raise their hands] You cannot vote, Monk!
Adrian Monk: Why not?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Because you obviously have a crush on this woman.
Adrian Monk: What? What? that's insane! How could I like her? I'm a married man. I have not taken this off in 18 years. I love my wife. Everybody knows that! You can all go to you know where. ... Hell.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: Well, she's just up the street. She's gonna be here in two minutes.
Adrian Monk: Two minutes. She's coming here. Oh. In two minutes, she's coming here. Yeah, you just said that.
Natalie: You're excited. I can tell.
Adrian Monk: Who's excited? I'm not excited. You're the one who's excited. You obviously can't stop thinking about her. I think you might be obsessed with this woman, the way you keep talking about her.
Natalie: I'm not talking about her.
Adrian Monk: Well, you're listening about her. You can't deny that.

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