Sharona: What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: This shelf. I can't sleep with a crooked shelf in the room.
Sharona: Well, when you turn off the light you won't see it.
Adrian Monk: I wish you could hear yourself sometimes. You live in a dreamworld.

Adrian Monk: Can I have the ring back?
Sharona: What ring?
Adrian Monk: The ring I loaned you. I-I-I'd like to hold on to it.
Sharona: This is Trudy's wedding ring, isn't it?
Adrian Monk: I wanna have it with me in case...
Sharona: Hey, hey.
Adrian Monk: You know, we don't, uh...
Sharona: Nobody's gonna die. Hold this. You know, before I was your assistant, I was your nurse. And you know what? That means I'm still your nurse. So I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, and you wanna know why? 'Cause it'll look bad on my resume.
Adrian Monk: [answers phone] Hello? Can't talk now. I'm trapped in a cave.

Sharona: Get your camera. I'm goin' in.
Adrian Monk: You can't.
Sharona: No, you can't. Adrian, I have to go in. Randy's depending on us. I promise I'll be careful. I'm just gonna take a few pictures. Don't worry.
Adrian Monk: I- I don't know how to not worry.

Dalton Padron: Don't stand on that, please. That chest is a hundred years old.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I'm sorry. I was just looking at the map.
Dalton Padron: Yes. It's... Well, it's very rare. It's a copper-plated engraved map, hand painted from 1845.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Dalton Padron: Pardon me?
Adrian Monk: There was no West Virginia until after the Civil War, unless I'm wrong, which I'm not.
Dalton Padron: Really?
Adrian Monk: It's a forgery. You might want to notify the person who bought it.

Sharona: Adrian, you have to sit. This is a picnic.
Adrian Monk: I- I don't sit on the ground. Animals do things on the ground. Terrible, terrible things.
Sharona: What if they're watching us? This is gonna look very weird. We're supposed to be doing that outdoor intimacy thing now.
Adrian Monk: So stand up.
Sharona: I'm not going to stand up. This is a picnic. Sit down.
Adrian Monk: You stand up.
Sharona: You sit down.
Adrian Monk: You stand up.
Sharona: Adrian, sit down!
Adrian Monk: Okay. Look, all right. How about this? How about if we both squat? See? This is what marriage is.
Marriage is compromise.

Adrian Monk: She never thought she was beautiful, which made her even more beautiful. She was 35 when she died. She was just starting to get, uh, some small wrinkles around her eyes. She hated them. I loved them.
I told her, "Those are my wrinkles." I gave them to her by making her laugh so much.
Sharona: You made Trudy laugh?
Adrian Monk: We laughed all the time.
Dr. Waterford: You two never laugh?
Sharona: Well, I've never seen him laugh. Not once.
Dr. Waterford: Oh, Adrian, your wife is in pain. I think she needs a hug, don't you?
Adrian Monk: No.
Dr. Waterford: Okay. Then we'll move on.

Adrian Monk: [gargles mouthwash]
Sharona: Now, that's just insulting.
Adrian Monk: We're gonna need more mouthwash. [brushing teeth]

Sharona: Here, sit down.
Adrian Monk: No way.
Sharona: There's a bench. I mean, I can understand your not wanting to sit down on the ground, but I've seen you sit on a bench before.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no. Not this one. Yesterday, when we arrived, there was a bird on it.
Sharona: You're impossible.
Adrian Monk: You married me.

Sharona: I think I've already read this one.
Adrian Monk: No. No, you didn't. A couple of them are identical.
Sharona: Oh, God. That's it. I'm goin' to bed.
Adrian Monk: You can't. We still have all these left to do.
Sharona: I'll wait for the movie. Wake me up if you find any gold. Good night.

Adrian Monk: What day is it?
Sharona: We were only in there for five minutes.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.