Lieutenant Disher: Did you hear anything? I mean, anybody yelling or screaming for help?
Natalie: Yeah, me. Does it ever get to you? Seeing people dead?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, it did for a while. But I got used to it.
Natalie: That must be awful. Getting used to it.
Lieutenant Disher: You know, it was pretty awful. But I got used to it. It's the worst part, you know. Getting used to it. Something you never really get used to.

Adrian Monk: It's not straight.
Natalie: Ha! The bubble's right in the middle.
Adrian Monk: The level's broken.
Natalie: The level is not broken, Mr. Monk. It can't be broken. It's a bubble on a stick. You have two levels?
Adrian Monk: I use this level to check the other levels. It's my level-checking level.
Julie Teeger: How do you know that one's not broken?
Adrian Monk: That's a good question. I take my level-checking level to the hardware store twice a year to have it recalibrated.

Adrian Monk: Could you turn this? Thank you. Well, that's good.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What is this thing?
Adrian Monk: It's a humidifier.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What's that one?
Adrian Monk: It's a dehumidifier.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, don't they cancel each other out?
Adrian Monk: Exactly.

Reggie Dennison: The pizza box with my prints on it. What was it in? A carton, a bag, or what?
Natalie: My boss recycled it. He separates everything into piles exactly 20 inches high. Then he puts each pile into a green, double-ply trash bag, which he double-tapes shut. Then he puts that bag into another bag, which he wraps with twine four times counterclockwise and ties each end twice. Once he's completed that...
Reggie Dennison: Are you screwing with me?
Natalie: No, I swear. He's very persnickety.

Natalie: [answers phone] Hello.
Adrian Monk: Natalie. Natalie, it is me, Adrian Monk.
Natalie: Yes, Mr. Monk. We were just talking about you.
Adrian Monk: Natalie, you have to come back.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, I can't right now. I'm at the pizzeria, talking to the manager.
Adrian Monk: It's Ebola.
Natalie: Excuse me?
Adrian Monk: I have the Ebola virus.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, you don't have the Ebola virus.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I'm pretty sure I do. I have all the symptoms. I have the fever and the headache and the massive internal bleeding.
Natalie: You have massive internal bleeding?
Adrian Monk: I believe I do. That is my opinion.
Natalie: No, Mr. Monk, you have the flu. But I'm glad you called. I'm talking to Mr. Gorman. He's the manager. Hold on.
Mr. Gorman: [takes phone] Hello. I don't know. I think they're in Atlanta.
Natalie: What's he talking about?
Mr. Gorman: He's asking about the Center for Disease Control.

Adrian Monk: How am I?
Natalie: Huh! 99.9.
Adrian Monk: Oh, no. Oh, no.
Natalie: [presses thermometer to lamp] There you go. An even 100. You happy?

Natalie: [on the phone] I'm not leaving here until I find it.
Adrian Monk: Find what?
Natalie: I don't know. I don't know. I just, I need proof. Mr. Monk, just please help me. I don't know what I'm looking for. The fireplace. Ah, ah. He was burning something. Hold on, hold on. There's a woman. It's him. He's with a woman, but I can't make it out. They're at a hotel, the Oakley Inn.
Adrian Monk: Whoa, uh, Oakley Inn? Oakley Inn. Natalie, is, is this guy a lawyer?
Natalie: Okay now, how did you know that? I smell something. It's bleach. Okay, I'm in the bathroom. He must have just cleaned it. It smells like... It smells like your bathroom.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Don't get up. I'm Leland Stottlemeyer, homicide. This is Lieutenant Disher. We wanna talk to you about Jillian Garr.
John DeLancy: Who?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Judge Jillian Garr. You threatened her in court, and then you rammed her car in a parking lot. And now she's missing.
John DeLancy: What are you talking about?
Lieutenant Disher: Captain.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hang on, Randy. Hey, you like Tie food? [dips the man's tie in his soup] Huh? How's your memory now?
Lieutenant Disher: Captain, this isn't table six. Chart was upside down.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Um I, uh I'm sorry. I, um, I made a mistake. I thought you were somebody else. Uh, hey, look. Uh, here. Take my, my tie. This is a it's a $100 tie. It was a Christmas gift, okay? There.
John DeLancy: Get out of here.
Captain Stottlemeyer: [to Disher] We'll talk about this later. Where is table six?
Lieutenant Disher: Okay, uh Hold on. Here's the window. Oh. My bad. That was table six. I was right.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Are you sure?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, I just gave him my tie. Plus, I've lost a little bit of authority with him.
Lieutenant Disher: No, I don't think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, you don't think so?
Lieutenant Disher: Well, I'm sure he'll understand. Everybody makes mistakes, sir.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Natalie, look, it's kind of crazy right now. Say, how's our patient?
Natalie: He has the flu.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What's he doing about it?
Natalie: Complaining. Driving me nuts.

Adrian Monk: How did the killer get him to stop? There are no houses here. No store fronts here.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, I was wondering the same thing. Uh, maybe he waved him down? Or maybe he hid out in the vehicle. Like, uh, do you remember there was that, um, the carjacking in Mendo ci... [Monk holds up his hand] What? What?
Adrian Monk: [sneezes] Wipe. Wipe, wipe!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Gee, I'm fresh out.
Adrian Monk: Wipe.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, I don't have a wipe. I don't work for you.
Adrian Monk: Oh, God. I'm getting a cold.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It was one sneeze. That's nothing.
Adrian Monk: No, no, no, no. It's a cold. It's a cold. I can feel it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, don't panic.
Adrian Monk: I'm, I'm not panicking. Where's the ambulance?