Trending ‘Monk’ Quotes

Quote from Adrian Monk in Mr. Monk on Wheels

Natalie: What happened, are you okay? What's wrong?
Adrian Monk: I stepped on something. It crackled when I stepped on it. Then it sort of smooshed. Then there was this tiny pop. What is it? What is it?
Natalie: You mean what was it?
Adrian Monk: Do something. Do something!
Natalie: All right. I'm taking off your shoe, I'll wipe it off.
Adrian Monk: No, just throw it away.
Natalie: I'm not going to throw it away.
Adrian Monk: Throw it.

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Quote from Adrian Monk in Mr. Monk and the Paperboy

Lieutenant Disher: Wow. How'd you clean up so fast?
Adrian Monk: I cleaned up last night.
Lieutenant Disher: Did you sleep at all?
Captain Stottlemeyer: He can sleep while he cleans. I've seen it.

Quote from Adrian Monk in Mr. Monk Goes to a Wedding

Adrian Monk: When I was just a lad...
Theresa Scott: We're gonna go.
Natalie: [to Julie] Good job, good job.
Adrian Monk: Well, not a lad. You know, more of a young fella. You know, adolescent. A teenager, really.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer in Mr. Monk, Private Eye

Natalie: Ms. Fusco, can we help you?
Linda Fusco: Yes, I would like to drop this off. Here is an estimate from the body shop. My new bumper's going to cost $900. And when you find this son-of-a-bitch, I want you to make him eat this.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Wait a minute. This is your big case? A fender bender. How'd you keep this out of the paper?
Linda Fusco: It is important to me, Captain Leland Stottlemeyer. By the way, sorry about the divorce. I've been in real estate for 14 years, and I can smell divorce from 100 yards away. Whose couch are you sleeping on?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Actually, I'm not sleeping on a couch.
Linda Fusco: It's a futon.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Thank you, Randy.
Linda Fusco: Well, when you are ready for your own apartment, why don't you give me a call?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Maybe I will.
Linda Fusco: Oh, I know you will. As a matter of fact, I could show you a couple of things right now.
Captain Stottlemeyer: As a matter of fact, I've got a little time right now. My car or yours?
Linda Fusco: No, I always do the driving.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'll bet you do. Let's go.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher in Mr. Monk and the Leper

Natalie: He's not at all contagious. We talked to a specialist. Randy, I think you might know him. Dr. Polanski?
Lieutenant Disher: No.
Natalie: Aaron Polanski?
Lieutenant Disher: Can't say that I do.
Natalie: Really? Because we thought we saw your picture hanging up in his office.
Lieutenant Disher: Right. It was a case. I was undercover, posing as a kid, a teenager with bad acne. Captain, you remember that case?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You're on your own, Randy.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher in Mr. Monk and the Leper

Lieutenant Disher: Oh, hey, I, uh, I hear you're dating a friend of mine. Natalie Teeger. [puts hand on Polanski's shoulder]
Dr. Polanski: Oh, yeah, she's amazing. But I don't think it's gonna happen. Well, she reacted pretty badly when I told her I used to have leprosy.
Lieutenant Disher: [takes hand off Polanski's shoulder] Really? She couldn't handle it, huh? Some people.
Dr. Polanski: Actually, I-I've been trying to reach her to give her a heads up. I think Derek Bronson lied to her. I mean, he told her he's been living on Camino Island. But I checked this morning, and it turns out the leper colony there has been closed for two years.
Lieutenant Disher: Really?
Dr. Polanski: I mean, maybe that guy wasn't really Bronson. I mean, all those bandages.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, no, I mean, the wife met him. It's funny, though. We- We're working on another case, missing persons. We were gonna talk to Monk about it. We found a makeup kit and a book on skin diseases. Huh. I think I'm gonna stop by and have a chat with the wife. Thanks, Doc.
Dr. Polanski: Can I come with you? If- If- If Natalie is in trouble, I'd just, I'd like to be there.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, sure.
Dr. Polanski: Oh, that's great. Thank you.
Lieutenant Disher: Why don't we, uh, take separate cars?
Dr. Polanski: Randy, I'm not contagious.
Lieutenant Disher: No, that's not what I meant. Is that what you thought I meant?
Dr. Polanski: I mean, is that what you... Seemed like that.

Quote from Adrian Monk in Mr. Monk Makes a Friend

Hal Tucker: Well, now you know.
Adrian Monk: You did some time.
Hal Tucker: I bought some coins in Turkey. Beautiful pieces. 11th century. Turns out they were hot. I did eight months. I was gonna tell you earlier, but then I found out you were a cop. And... If you wanted to go home right now, I mean, I wouldn't blame you.
Adrian Monk: Why would I want to go home? I'm havin' a great time.
Hal Tucker: Really? So we're still on for tomorrow, then?
Adrian Monk: All right.

Quote from Natalie in Mr. Monk Is At Your Service

Natalie: What does that prove?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Are you kidding? It proves everything. There's nothing to discuss.
Natalie: Captain, we were there yesterday. There's no reception. He couldn't have made that call.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That happens all the time, Natalie, for a million different reasons. Different cell phones, terrain... Read the coroner's report. April 9th, one year ago, Camilla Buchanan died in the accident upon impact. Ralph Buchanan died of a heart attack.
Natalie: He did it. I know he did it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why? Because he made you cry in homeroom?
Natalie: Because I know him and guys like him. They think they own the world, and you know what? Because they do.

Quote from Adrian Monk in Mr. Monk Is At Your Service

Sylvia: I'll have some quail, please.
Adrian Monk: He took the quail. We're alternating.
Sharona: I'd prefer the quail.
Adrian Monk: It's just we've been going quail, duck, quail, duck, quail, duck-
Sylvia: I don't like duck.
Adrian Monk: Then you'll have to sit over there.
Sylvia: I have to change seats?!
Adrian Monk: Fine. Here. Two quails right next to each other. [stabs a fork in it] Enjoy.

Quote from Adrian Monk in Mr. Monk Is On the Air

Natalie: Mr. Monk, maybe we should wait for the Captain.
Adrian Monk: No, no. Look.
Natalie: What are those?
Adrian Monk: Those are golden bullets.
Natalie: What are you talking about? What are those cards? What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: Don't worry. It's in the bag.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher in Mr. Monk and the Man Who Shot Santa Claus

Lieutenant Disher: Everything's there. Except for one rubber snake. It's for my nephew. I didn't think you'd mind.
Captain Stottlemeyer: He doesn't have a nephew.
Lieutenant Disher: I have nephew.
Captain Stottlemeyer: He doesn't have a nephew.
Lieutenant Disher: Benjamin. His name's Benjamin. He's nine years old. See. [quickly flashes wallet]