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‘Mr. Monk and the Sleeping Suspect’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Monk: Mr. Monk and the Sleeping Suspect

207. Mr. Monk and the Sleeping Suspect

Aired August 8, 2003

When a series of mail bombs target three wealthy siblings, Monk's attention falls on the brother who's in a coma.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Kroger: Okay. I'm sorry, but, uh, our time is up.
Adrian Monk: Okay, well, I'll see you Thursday.
Dr. Kroger: No! No, uh, don't you remember? I'll be in Costa Rica.
Adrian Monk: Costa Rica?
Dr. Kroger: Yeah. For three weeks. It's my vacation.
Adrian Monk: I've never been to Costa Rica.
Dr. Kroger: Uh, no, Adrian. You're not coming. It's a vacation. But if- If you like, I can refer you to another doctor.
Adrian Monk: Uh-
Dr. Kroger: Or- Or not. Or not.
Adrian Monk: Why didn't you tell me?
Dr. Kroger: I did. I told you every week for the past month. But I guess you just, um, blocked it out.
Adrian Monk: Is that possible?
Dr. Kroger: Apparently.
Adrian Monk: I guess I did. I blocked it out. No problem. We'll talk about it on Thursday.

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Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Are they gone?
Sharona: No! What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: Playing a game.
Sharona: What game?
Adrian Monk: It's called... It's called, "Are they gone?" Are they gone?
Sharona: No.
Adrian Monk: Then the game's not over.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Adrian Monk: He's the guy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Who's the guy? [Monk signals to the comatose patient] Him? Monk, he's a vegetable. He's not even a vegetable. He hopes one day to be a vegetable.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Well, we know who did it and we know why. We just don't know how.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, again, he's in a coma.
Adrian Monk: He's the guy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: In 20 seconds, Agent Grooms is gonna come walking through that door, and he's gonna ask me what I think. Give me something else, for the love of God.
Lieutenant Disher: Okay, wait. I have an idea. Maybe he had an accomplice.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes. Somebody else mailed the damn thing.
Sharona: Why not? I already had that idea. Tell him.
Adrian Monk: There was no accomplice. Why would Brian Babbage hire one? He didn't know he was gonna be in a coma.
Sharona: It's not exactly something you can plan.
Adrian Monk: All right. Anyway. Why would an accomplice bother to go through with it? There was no reason to. The guy who hired him was in a coma.
Captain Stottlemeyer: All right, so, Brian built the bomb. And then, Brian mailed the bomb. By himself.
Adrian Monk: That's right.
Captain Stottlemeyer: While he was in a coma.
Adrian Monk: You gotta admit. It's a pretty good alibi. It's rock-solid.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, I have known fifteen thousand criminals in my life time, here's what they all have in common: They're conscious!
Adrian Monk: Nonetheless.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Is your shrink coming back soon?

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Adrian Monk: You said there was another brother?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. Brian. But he's a dead end.
Lieutenant Disher: Or practically dead.
Sharona: What do you mean?
Captain Stottlemeyer: The guy's in a coma. We saw it happen. Four months ago, he got T-boned by a pickup truck. Cracked his skull. It was really unnecessary. The guy just baited me and Randy and-and stepped on the gas.
Lieutenant Disher: It was my first car chase.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That didn't count. The guy didn't go half a block. You didn't get the car in gear.
Lieutenant Disher: It counted.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It wasn't a chase, Randy.
Lieutenant Disher: We ran to the car.
Adrian Monk: Anyway, uh... Four months ago. So he wouldn't have known that his sister had moved.
Lieutenant Disher: It counted.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Lieutenant Disher: Captain. A.T.F., 3:00.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, gimme somethin' else. Anything. Any theory besides the coma guy. If you were to tell me that Howdy Doody was behind this, it would make more sense.
Adrian Monk: [shouts] Howdy Doody? Why would Howdy Doody be sending people mail bombs? Wasn't he a puppet?
Sharona: He was just using that as an example.
Adrian Monk: Or maybe he was just using that as an example!

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: Can I be honest with you, sir?
Captain Stottlemeyer: [over radio] All units, clear the air. We're in pursuit of a hit-and-run. He's eastbound on Union.
Lieutenant Disher: This is my first car chase. I been waitin' for this my whole life. [crashing sounds]
Captain Stottlemeyer: Chase over. What'd you think?

Quote from Sharona

Adrian Monk: Sigmund Freud never took a vacation.
Sharona: Well, Sigmund Freud never met you.
Adrian Monk: I need somebody to talk to.
Sharona: He'll be back soon. Don't worry about it. I mean, everybody needs some time off. Except, apparently me.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Why don't you try a different doctor for a few weeks?
Adrian Monk: No. No, no, no. It takes me eight months to break in a new therapist. Most of them don't make it.
Two took an early retirement.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: His name is Trevor. Trevor Howe. He just shows up after six years, out of the blue. At the kid's birthday party. Can you believe it? Benjy loves him, of course. I- I really appreciate you letting me talk like this. My regular doctor's out of town. I'm glad you could squeeze me in. Anyway, about this Trevor guy, Sharona's so happy to see him, I can't figure it out. He treated her so badly. He was never faithful. He drank, he gambled. I guess I never appreciated how lonely Sharona's been. She wants to forgive him. She wants to believe in him. Am I jealous? Is that it, do you think? Or maybe-maybe I'm afraid he's gonna take her away. What do you think? Or maybe I'm... I'm just feeling bad about Benjy's birthday. Ah, he hated my gift. I could tell. A rock-polisher. What was I thinking? Why couldn't I just buy him a regular toy? I'm so tired being different. I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted, l... I don't have to tell you about being exhausted. You don't know how lucky you are. Sleeping. Sleeping through it all. Not a care in the world. Take my advice. Savor these moments.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Adrian, I'm gonna visit you all the time.
Adrian Monk: When are you going?
Sharona: Friday.
Adrian Monk: Friday? This Friday? Just like that. You're just leaving me in the lurch.
Sharona: You're not in the lurch.
Adrian Monk: I'm in the lurch! This is the lurch! I can feel it!

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Well, first off I'd like to thank United States postal worker Tamil Swarma for helping us out here today.
Tamil Swarma: We're glad to help our brothers and sister in the law enforcement community. We just wear a different shade of blue, that's all.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah! [claps] Yeah.
Adrian Monk: Brian Babbage wanted to kill his brother and sister. He found a way to mail a bomb in May but not have it be delivered until August. It was quite brilliant, really.
Tamil Swarma: Yes, it was. Although by doing so, he violated two federal laws, and a score of postal regulations. Go on.
Adrian Monk: When I recently saw some wallpaper peeling off a wall it reminded me of the ketchup bottles in Brian Babbage's closet. They were glued to the ceiling. The glue was the key.
Agent Grooms: There was no glue in the bomb.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It wasn't part of the bomb. It was part of the delivery mechanism.
Adrian Monk & Tamil Swarma: Exactly!
Adrian Monk: It was an experiment. A stress test. The ketchup bottles weighed about the same as the mail bombs. He was trying to find out how long they would stick before they fell off.
Agent Grooms: I don't get it.
Adrian Monk: Tamil. Four months ago, Brian Babbage went around the city late at night. Cracked open the panel on a couple of these mailboxes.
Tamil Swarma: These locks are pretty simple to pick I've talked to my supervisors, but they don't listen.
Adrian Monk: Tamil.
Tamil Swarma: Don't make waves, you know? Everybody just wants to hit their 20 and get out.
Adrian Monk: I can take it from here. Brian put the bombs in the mailboxes, but he didn't put them on the bottom with the rest of the mail. He glued them to the top. You see, it's a blind spot. Nobody ever looks up there. Why would they? Four months later, the glue dries up, the bomb falls down, and the next day, the mailman picks it up with the rest of the mail.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It was like a time-released mail bomb.
Tamil Swarma: The U.S. Post Office unwittingly became the messenger of evil. Who'd have thunk it?
Adrian Monk: Well put, Tamil.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Hey! Thought you might be here. How ya doin'?
Adrian Monk: I'm good. I'm great. I'm living a dream. Where's Trevor?
Sharona: Went home.
Adrian Monk: I'm sorry. I missed you.
Sharona: I missed you too. God, I really did. Maybe I should see a shrink, too.
Adrian Monk: Stick around. Dr. Kroger will be here any minute.

Quote from Benjy Fleming

Adrian Monk: [shakes present] It's a jigsaw puzzle.
Benjy: Is he right? [a boy nods] How many pieces?
Adrian Monk: 700?
Benjy: Didn't I tell you?
Sharona: But Benjy, Mr. Monk isn't a toy.
Benjy: Sure he is.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Okay, how about an automatic card shuffler? Says "Fun for all ages." I know he enjoys having fun. He mentioned that once.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, I can see that you're anxious about this, but the important thing to remember is that Benjy loves you, so whatever you get for him, Benjy will love.
Adrian Monk: He didn't love the pajamas I bought him last year. I saw it on his face. The... The disappointment. I- I hate that look. I- I never want to see that look again.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, why don't you just ask Sharona what he would like?
Adrian Monk: She said to pick out the gift myself, so it would really come from me.

Quote from Sharona

Sharona: Lieutenant.
Lieutenant Disher: Sharona, Monk.
Sharona: Is that a new tie?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah. It's a gift from my girlfriend.
Sharona: She has very good taste. In ties, not in men.
Lieutenant Disher: Ooh, do I detect a hint of jealousy?
Sharona: If you do, it's the only detecting you've ever done.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: Adrian Monk, old buddy, old pal, old chum.
Sharona: "Old buddy"? What have you done with the real Captain Stottlemeyer?

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Lieutenant Disher: The feds are here?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, up the wazoo. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. They're in charge, and they're not shy about saying so. Monk. If you can make me look good here, I would really appreciate it. I'd love to show these bastards up. Wouldn't hurt our careers either.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Agent Grooms: Who the hell is that? Marion the Librarian?
Captain Stottlemeyer: It's Adrian Monk. He's consulting with us.
Agent Grooms: But he's not consulting with us.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Agent Grooms, you said you'd keep us local bumpkins in the loop. Give my man a couple of minutes, okay?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Who's "Marion"?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You are. "Marion the Librarian."
Adrian Monk: So it's like a put-down.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yup. It's a derogatory remark, Monk.

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