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‘Mr. Monk and the Wrong Man’ Quotes

Monk: Mr. Monk and the Wrong Man

608. Mr. Monk and the Wrong Man

Aired September 7, 2007

Monk is racked with guilt when a man he put away fourteen years ago for a gruesome double murder is exonerated.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Lieutenant Disher: "Will you be reopening the case?"
Captain Stottlemeyer: We already have reopened the case. And, uh, as you know, there is no statute of limitations on murder. However, we... What the hell is going on?
Lieutenant Disher: [smiling] It wasn't me.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What wasn't you?
Lieutenant Disher: This screw-up. It wasn't me. It's always me. I can't believe it's not me. It's always me. This wasn't me. I wasn't even on the force back then.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You understand that this wasn't a traffic violation. An innocent man spent fourteen years of his life in a state penitentiary, and the son of a bitch that murdered those poor people is still out there.
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir. I know, but it wasn't me.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You're right, Randy. It wasn't you. It was Adrian Monk's case. I just talked to Natalie. Monk is devastated. I can't blame him. Can you imagine? The guilt. The pain. Adrian Monk had this much confidence to begin with, this'll probably kill him. What have you got to say to that?
Lieutenant Disher: It wasn't me.

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Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: He's- He's being released tomorrow morning. From the Seabrook Penitentiary. It's a 47-minute drive.
Dr. Kroger: [chuckles] I know where you're going with this.
Adrian Monk: You do?
Dr. Kroger: Yes, yes. And I think it's a great idea.
Adrian Monk: Really?
Dr. Kroger: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: Thank God. I'm so relieved. Just tell him how sorry I am.
Dr. Kroger: What is this?
Adrian Monk: It's a card. I wrote a little note on the back.
Dr. Kroger: No, Adrian, I thought you were going up there.
Adrian Monk: Me? I put the man away for 14 years. He'd crush me like a peanut.
Dr. Kroger: Well, Adrian, I cannot do this for you.
Adrian Monk: You're right. Sorry. You're absolutely right. I don't know what I was thinking.
Dr. Kroger: And Natalie can't do it either.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Cindy: His ex-wife used to work here. She quit four years ago.
Natalie: Max. Max, you're scaring everybody.
Cindy: I've tried to tell him. We haven't heard from her. Except for that one picture in a Christmas card.
Adrian Monk: Picture? Max? Max, can I see it? Come on. Give me a chance.
Natalie: Watch this.
Adrian Monk: Okay. She's in a hotel. Probably a resort near a beach. There's sand on the bedspread.
Max Barton: A- a resort?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. See? The- The card on the gift basket? It's in dutch, so she's probably in St. Martin.
Max Barton: St. Martin? She was always talking about that place.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. She's not alone. Two plates on the room service cart. It's probably a man, because the toilet seat is up. You can see it in... In the reflection in the mirror.
Max Barton: A man?!
Adrian Monk: Okay, did I Did I say a man? Look, I-I could be wrong. Max, I am not an expert on toilet seats. Did she stand up when she made water? Look, I could be wrong.
Natalie: Yeah, he's wrong a lot. I- I don't have to tell you that.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Captain Stottlemeyer: You're tracking down his ex-wife?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, and getting him a job. Natalie's father's gonna give him some work on the loading dock there.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why don't you just adopt this guy and make it legal?
Adrian Monk: You don't understand what it's like. I feel so responsible.
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, it must be tough. I mean, I wasn't involved in the case, but I can certainly appreciate... Well, I mean I can imagine what you must be going through.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why don't you just make a t-shirt that says, "It wasn't me"?

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Mr. Gelbertson: Michael, Matthew, these men are from the police.
Michael: Are they real police?
Mr. Gelbertson: Yes, they're gonna take a look around for a few minutes.
Michael: Why?
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, well, because a long time ago, before I was on the force, something happened in this house.
Matthew: Was it scary?
Lieutenant Disher: I don't know. I wasn't here. It was before my time.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Captain Stottlemeyer: They sold jewelry. They had a wall safe. It was loaded with merchandise. That's what the guy was after.
Mr. Gelbertson: I thought you caught him.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, so did we. It turns out we had the wrong guy. So, um, we've reopened the case.
Mrs. Gelbertson: Well, what can you find now? I mean, after 12 years?
Lieutenant Disher: Actually, 14 years. I've only been on the force for 9. It was 5 years before that. So it's 14 years.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: The wall safe was here. We found bloody footprints over there. There was a whole trail of blood all the way through here. Splattered all over. I remember we found a piece of the thumb over there. The wife broke free. She crawled across the playroom... Out over the patio. Yeah. Yeah, he killed her out there. Right where your sandbox is. Do you guys play outside? You ever found anything unusual out there?
Matthew: Like what?
Adrian Monk: 9mm shell casing, bone fragments... No? Nothing like that? Hacksaw blade?
Matthew: No.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Parole Commissioner: Mr. Monk, 14 years ago you were the chief investigator of this crime scene. It was your testimony that put Max Barton behind bars. As you know, Mr. Barton's eligible to be paroled at the end of this month. I understand you'd like to make a statement before our final decision.
Adrian Monk: Yes, sir. Thank you. I've been a homicide investigator for more than 20 years. I have seen more crime scenes than I could possibly count. Well, 410, but that's not the point. What I saw that morning in that house was beyond imagination. What he did to those people, the- The husband had been tortured. We found the wife in the backyard. She had- She had tried to crawl away...
Parole Commissioner: Take your time, Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: I've tried to forget it, but I can't. And I'm sure that Sarah McNally, who found the bodies, will never forget it either. Putting people like Max Barton behind bars is the reason I became a cop. In my opinion, he should never be released. He should never be considered for release. He-
2nd Commissioner: Ms. Lawrence. Is there a problem?
Lawyer: Excuse me. Commissioner, members of the board, Mr. Barton would like to withdraw his application for parole.
Parole Commissioner: Withdraw?
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir. This is Daniel Crosby of the Innocence League. The federal appeals court has exonerated Mr. Barton. He will be released by the end of the week.
Adrian Monk: Uh, what- What's going on?
Parole Commissioner: It's a new DNA test.
Adrian Monk: DNA?
Parole Commissioner: They've retested the crime scene evidence. Apparently, the blood at the scene under the victim's fingernails does not belong to Mr. Barton.
Sarah McNally: May I say something?
Parole Commissioner: I'm afraid it's too late, Ms. McNally. There's been a mistake.
Adrian Monk: Uh... A mistake?
Parole Commissioner: Looks like you got the wrong man, Mr. Monk.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: I should just quit.
Dr. Kroger: Quit?
Adrian Monk: Why don't I? Just quit. Now. Today. Never leave the house again. If I had any decency at all I...
Dr. Kroger: I won't let you quit, Adrian. You're too good a detective.
Adrian Monk: I haven't been sleeping. Been up all night. Reviewing my old cases. How many other mistakes have I made? What else did I miss? How many other innocent people are sitting in some cell right now because-
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, it was one case.
Adrian Monk: One case is enough. I used to think the worst mistake I could make was letting a killer go free. But this is worse. Sending that man to prison for fourteen years...
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, what you're feeling here now, this remorse, this is actually healthy. You're- No, you're connecting with another person. This Max Barton. What you're feeling is empathy. It will make you a better detective. It might even make you a better human being.
Adrian Monk: You should've seen him at that hearing. Staring at me. He hates me. At least we have that in common.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Max! Mr. Barton. I Just wanted to say sorry. Sorry. I'm- I am sorry. I'm- I'm really sorry. This is Natalie Teeger, my assistant. Natalie, this- This is Max.
Natalie: Hello.
Max Barton: You know the best thing about getting sprung? I don't have to listen to you.
Adrian Monk: Right. Max, this is for you. Uh, it's a little... Little something.
Marci Maven: Yeah? Are there 14 years of my life in there?
Adrian Monk: No, just, mostly caramels.
Natalie: Chocolate pretzel.
Adrian Monk: And a chocolate pretzel.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Listen, I-I just wanted to explain about what happened. It was an honest mistake. I mean, look at all the evidence. The killer used an upholster's knot. You were an upholsterer. You had a criminal record. Your fingerprint was on the doorknob.
Max Barton: I made a delivery there the week before. I told you that. But you didn't listen.
Adrian Monk: There was an eyewitness. Mrs. McNally swore she saw you leaving the house. Plus, the killer was left-handed. I proved that. And you're left-handed.
Max Barton: Yeah, not anymore. My first week here, they stomped on it.
Natalie: Why?
Max Barton: Because I looked at a guy, that's why.
Adrian Monk: I'm against that. Stomping on hands. I've always been against that.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: Do you need a lift?
Max Barton: No thanks.
Adrian Monk: Somebody picking you up? Your wife?
Max Barton: My wife? You mean the woman who stopped visiting me nine years ago? Who divorced me five years ago? That who you mean? You really want to help me, Monk? Why don't you curl up in a corner and die?
Natalie: [to Monk] Well, at least you tried.
Adrian Monk: I have to do something. I have to help him.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, I don't think he wants your help.
Adrian Monk: How do you know?
Natalie: Well, the "curl up and die" thing was sort of a hint.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: [pointing to Max Barton's tattoo] I'm sorry, is that Steven Rudner? The district attorney?
Max Barton: That's right.
Adrian Monk: Is that- Is that me? That looks like me. It is me.
Natalie: Is that a knife?
Adrian Monk: [as Barton does bicep curls] Heh. It looks like... Looks like you're stabbing me.
Max Barton: Right between the eyes.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Max Barton: Invite me to what?
Adrian Monk: I don't know if you're hungry. We, uh, just did some shopping, and we have plenty of food.
Max Barton: You made me a sandwich, Monk? You think that's gonna put things right?
Adrian Monk: We have chips.
Max Barton: Admit it, Monk. You're not here for me, you're here for yourself. The pain, the guilt, it's- It's crushing you. Am I right? Yeah, you wanna hear those three magic words, "I forgive you." Well. You want me to give you absolution? You want me to release you?
Adrian Monk: Please.
Max Barton: Sorry, detective. It's not my job. Why don't you go talk to a priest?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Ow.
Natalie: You okay?
Adrian Monk: I can feel it. That knife tattoo going into my head. It's like voodoo.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, there's no such thing. It's all in your head.
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: What- What are you doing?
Natalie: I'm hungry. What?
Adrian Monk: I made that sandwich for Max.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, I don't think he's coming.
Adrian Monk: What if he changes his mind? He'll come in here, see you eating his sandwich. He'll never forgive me. Ow.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: I think you should date him.
Natalie: Mr. Monk. I'm not gonna date him. I don't even know him.
Adrian Monk: Okay, okay. It doesn't have to be a date. Just make out with him.
Natalie: All right.
Adrian Monk: Really?
Natalie: No.
Adrian Monk: Come on! As a favor to me.
Natalie: No.
Adrian Monk: What would it take? You're telling me you can't spare five minutes? You're so busy?
Natalie: Mr. Monk, I'm kinda choosy who I make out with.
Adrian Monk: What? You made out with a leper.
Natalie: That's different. You sent him to prison. Why don't you make out with him?
Adrian Monk: ... No. Ow, ow, ow. He's working out again.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Michael: What's he doing?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Him? He's a detective. Like on TV.
Mrs. Gelbertson: Oh, we don't let the boys watch television. It's too violent.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, yeah, I can't blame you. I got two boys myself.
Mr. Gelbertson: The realtor did mention something when we bought the house. Something about a robbery?
Adrian Monk: It's a home invasion. Double homicide. Husband and wife. Tortured. Then killed.
Mrs. Gelbertson: Were they drug dealers?
Adrian Monk: No. They were a nice couple. About your age.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: What do you got?
Adrian Monk: Scratch marks. From a dog.
Mr. Gelbertson: They were there when we moved in.
Adrian Monk: No. Can't be. I don't remember a dog 14 years ago.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, according to this, the victims did have a dog. It died the day before the murder.
Captain Stottlemeyer: The day before? What are the odds of that?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, well... They buried it out there. Under a pine tree.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, let's go find it. We'll dig it up. There's gotta be enough hair, skin, skeletal remains. Enough to test for poison. You boys wanna help dig a hole?

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Captain Stottlemeyer: Doberman pinscher, 85 pounds. I guess the killer didn't want to have him around.
Lieutenant Disher: With penzedrine?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah they use it during heart operations. It's very rare, which is good news for us. I need you go to back 14 years. I want you to compile a list of anyone who had access. That's, uh, medical supply. Pharmaceutical companies.
Lieutenant Disher: 14 years?
Captain Stottlemeyer: We're looking for somebody with a rap sheet. Somebody who might've missed work the day of the murders.
Lieutenant Disher: Wasn't my case.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Excuse me. What did- Did you just say it wasn't your case?
Lieutenant Disher: No, sir. I said, "Your cousin has a face." Just get me the names.
Captain Stottlemeyer: My cousin has a face.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Justin: Do you know this guy?
Sherry: He's a cop. He worked on Max's case. What do you want, Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk: First off, congratulations. You look radiant. I know this is a bad time. Here's the thing. Fourteen years ago, I made a terrible mistake. The biggest mistake of my life. Sherry, Max Barton is an innocent man. If I hadn't screwed up, you two would still be together.
Justin: We know the whole story. We've been reading about it.
Adrian Monk: No, you don't know the story. The real story is about a man who never gave up. [signals for the organist to play] Put yourself in his place. Falsely accused. Unjustly convicted. Spending fourteen years. Fourteen horrible, lonely years in that- That- I'm gonna say it. Hell. I sent that man to hell. You know how he survived, sherry? You know what sustained him? You. Even after you stopped coming to visit. Memories of you. Dreams of you.
Justin: Can we do this later? Later is too late.
Adrian Monk: Sherry, don't make the same mistake I did. Don't lock him away. Again.
Max Barton: [runs in] Sherry!
Adrian Monk: I want you to look at this man. Look into his eyes. This Is a good, good, good man.
Sherry: I- I don't know.
Adrian Monk: I think you do know. If you have any feelings for him at all, don't you owe it to yourself to stop, take a day, take a week, look into your heart? Max, show her. [Max removes his jumper to reveal his tattoos] That's you.
Sherry: The dragon?
Adrian Monk: No. No, next to the dragon. Inside-
Justin: That's a man.
Adrian Monk: No, that's the district attorney. Across from the man, inside the broken heart.
Sherry: What does it say?
Natalie: "Sherry. My love. My life."
Sherry: Oh, max.
Max Barton: Baby!

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: Well, you did it. You happy?
Adrian Monk: Eh.
Natalie: Why not?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. Something... I don't know.
Justin: I hate you.
Adrian Monk: Join the club.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sarah McNally: How could you?
Adrian Monk: What are you doing here? This is Sarah McNally. She was the eyewitness 14 years ago.
Sarah McNally: I've been following you. Watching you. You've been helping him.
Natalie: No, Max Barton has been exonerated. The police found some evidence-
Sarah McNally: I don't care about any new evidence. I know what I saw. I saw him leaving that house. He's a monster.
Adrian Monk: Ma'am, a lot of people were wrong about this case. It's not your fault. You were in your house. You were 45, maybe 50 yards away.
Sarah McNally: 42 yards. You measured, remember? Your measuring tape broke. You sent Lieutenant Culkin to get a new one.
Adrian Monk: Culkin. You- You remember his name?
Sarah McNally: I remember everything. It's a curse.
Sarah McNally: You were wearing the exact same thing. Except it was a gray blazer with white buttons.
Adrian Monk: That's right. She's right.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sarah McNally: Ask me anything. Lieutenant Culkin's badge number, 3241. You were driving a white Chevrolet with one of those green air fresheners.
Natalie: Photographic memory.
Sarah McNally: Like I said, I know what I saw. I heard screaming. I went to the window. And I saw him. Max Barton. Leaving that house. I will never forget it. How he walked down the street, his hands in his pocket, like he didn't have a care in the world.
Adrian Monk: His hands were in his pockets?
Natalie: What, what, what, what?
Adrian Monk: The killer used an acetylene torch to break into the safe. We never found it. If the man you saw wasn't carrying anything...
Natalie: There was a second man. An accomplice.
Adrian Monk: An accomplice. That's whose DNA they found. I was right the first time. He was there. I never figured on a second man.
Natalie: Let's call the Captain.
Sarah McNally: It's too late. He's been exonerated. It's called double jeopardy. You can't try a man twice for the same crime.
Natalie: Wait, wait, that's it? He gets away with murder?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: The blood type matches. I'm sure the DNA does too. He is definitely the guy.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, the other guy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Thank you, Randy. The other guy.
Natalie: Who was he?
Captain Stottlemeyer: His name was Pauly Flores. He and Barton were pals, high school buddies. We found him this morning hanging from this door by his own belt.
Natalie: Suicide?
Lieutenant Disher: Yep, what they call prison style. I guess he freaked out when he heard that his pal had been released. Guilt, flashbacks, I guess we'll never know.
Natalie: And he had access to that drug?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Penzedrine. That's affirmative. He worked as a security guard at Lavallee Pharmaceuticals for 15 years. That's how we found him. Computer spit out his name this morning.
Lieutenant Disher: You know, we figure he and Barton were in on it together. They poisoned the family dog, broke in the next day.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Looks like you were right the first time.
Adrian Monk: Half right. Didn't know about him.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: I spoke to the D.A.'S office. They said there's nothing they can do. Double jeopardy. They've closed the case. He's gonna walk. Can you live with that?
Adrian Monk: Could you? Wait. Wait.
Natalie: What?
Adrian Monk: We got him.
Captain Stottlemeyer: We got who?
Adrian Monk: Barton. Max Barton. We can nail him.
Lieutenant Disher: No, it's double jeopardy. You can't-
Adrian Monk: Not for the first thing. For this. We got him on this. [picks up belt with his pen]
Captain Stottlemeyer: Can we prove it?
Adrian Monk: I think so.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Minister: Max. Sherry. Marriage is an act as ancient as the history of the human race.
Adrian Monk: [bangs on door]
Minister: Help me, lord, it's the same guy.
Adrian Monk: Sherry! Thank you again. Excuse me. Sorry. Hello again. Sorry, sorry. Sorry! Sorry. This- This'll only take a minute.
Max Barton: What do you want, Monk?
Adrian Monk: Sherry, you can't marry this man. No, he is a very, very dangerous man. He's killed three people.
Captain Stottlemeyer: That we know of.
Sherry: But you said-
Adrian Monk: I know. I know, but this time, I'm positive. I want you to look at this man. Look into his eyes. This is a bad, bad, bad man. Sherry, I made a mistake, and then I compounded the mistake. Don't you make the same mistake by compounding... my other mistake. My first...

Quote from Adrian Monk

Max Barton: Sherry. Baby. This is our day. Our moment. If Pauly decided to hang himself with his own belt, well, that's his problem.
Adrian Monk: Actually, Max, he didn't use his own belt. Lieutenant? This is the belt we found. This is your belt, isn't it, Max? I was there when you were being released. You said you'd lost some weight, remember? That you needed to punch another hole into it.
Max Barton: What does that prove? A lot of people punch holes in their belt. Nobody's gonna believe you anyway, Monk. Not after last time. This guy is still out to get me. I mean, he's obsessed or something, I-I
Adrian Monk: You're right, Max, there's no way we can prove that this is your belt. But we can prove that the belt you're wearing belonged to Pauly Flores. The man you killed. You strangled him with your own belt, Max. You hung him from the door to make it look like suicide. But then you made a mistake.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Where's Pauly's belt? We can't find it. It's not in his apartment, and we just checked your room.
Max Barton: What are you talking about? A belt's a belt. You can't prove any of this anyway.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, we caught a little bit of a break there, Mr. Barton. Pauly's belt's part of his uniform. It's company issue. Their logo's stamped on the inside.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Sir, remove your belt.
Max Barton: What are you, crazy? I'm not taking off this belt. Can you believe this?
Sherry: Take off the belt, Max.
Lieutenant Disher: Max Barton, you're under arrest for the murder of Paul Flores.
Adrian Monk: We all make mistakes, Max.
Natalie: Just means you're human.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: Randy.
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir?
Captain Stottlemeyer: That was Judge Heller's office. She's not giving us a search warrant on that Chinatown thing. She said she never got the coroner's report.
Lieutenant Disher: Oh. That, uh, I'm sorry. It's my bad. I brought it- I brought it home last night, and I was gonna... I forgot. I forgot. I'm gonna go get it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You're too late. She's gone. She's gone on vacation for two weeks.
Lieutenant Disher: What? Aw. Captain, I'm sorry. If there's anything I can do. I'm gonna call the coroner. We can get a hold.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Just to be clear, this was you. You screwed this up.
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir, and I feel terrible about it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Wasn't me. Wasn't Monk.
Lieutenant Disher: Wasn't you and it wasn't Monk.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It was...
Lieutenant Disher: It was me.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It was you.
Lieutenant Disher: I promise it won't happen again.
Captain Stottlemeyer: God's in his heaven, all's right with the world.


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