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‘Mr. Monk Meets the Godfather’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Monk: Mr. Monk Meets the Godfather

305. Mr. Monk Meets the Godfather

Aired July 23, 2004

A mob boss, Salvatore Lucarelli (Philip Baker Hall), needs Monk's help investigating a shooting that took out members of his family. A reluctant Monk takes the case when an FBI agent promises to help him get reinstated.

Quote from Captain Stottlemeyer

Captain Stottlemeyer: You gave him your word.
Agent Colmes: The deal's void, Captain.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Let me tell you something, Colmes. Adrian Monk may be afraid of milk and germs and elevators and puppies, but you, you couldn't pack that man's lunch.
Agent Colmes: Uh, that's true, actually. I've seen that man pack a lunch. He's insane. It was great working with you, Captain.

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Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Hey, Vince. Vince, you know, you, you don't have to follow us around. If we have something to report back to you, I, I promise we're going to call.
Vince: Uncle Sal told me to keep an eye on you. It's for your own protection.
Adrian Monk: It's a little insulting. I haven't needed a babysitter since I was 19.
Sharona: You had a babysitter when you were 19?
Adrian Monk: Everybody did. It was the late '70s. It was a crazy time.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Okay, okay. Here's the thing. I can't have anything taped to my chest.
Agent Colmes: Oh, that's fine. Come here, let me show you this. Uh, you see, these days we can put a transmitter just about anywhere on the human body. We have six options.
Adrian Monk: Number one is out. Number two... Uh, you wouldn't actually shave me there, would you? Okay.
No, thank you. Number three...
Sharona: What if you have to sit down?
Adrian Monk: Right. Good point. Number four... Even if I die, don't let them do number four.
Lieutenant Disher: Number five.
Adrian Monk: I'll do. Okay, I'll, I'll try that.
Sharona: That's only for women.
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, right.
Adrian Monk: Oh, yeah. Uh, number six. Number six, I can do that.
Agent Colmes: Number six? Great.
Adrian Monk: Not four.

Quote from Sharona

Lieutenant Disher: Look, I know why you're attracted to him. I get it. You think he's dangerous. Some people think I'm dangerous.
Sharona: Yeah, people driving behind you.

Quote from Sharona

Adrian Monk: You know what? I really think you should talk to your uncle about your nickname. It, it doesn't fit you anymore.
Tony Lucarelli: I thought about it, but Uncle Sal is from another century, you know? He's kind of set in his ways.
Sharona: Yeah.
Tony Lucarelli: I get the feeling Mr. Monk's the same way.
Sharona: Well, he's either from another century or another planet. I can't decide.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Where the hell am I supposed to get $900? I haven't even seen a check from my ex in four months.
Adrian Monk: How are we going to get home?
Sharona: Well, I guess we're going to have to walk.
Adrian Monk: We could call a taxi.
Sharona: Taxis cost money. Are you going to pay for it?
Adrian Monk: I guess we'll walk.

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Adrian Monk: What's this?
Lieutenant Disher: From the gumball machine. The killers must have ripped it out. [picks up a gumball and eats it]
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, they used it to break the window in the back. That was their only way of escape, because there were two uniforms out front. Randy.
Lieutenant Disher: Hmm? Right. Sorry. Evidence.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, it's evidence. It's also been on the ground.
Sharona: Yeah, you're dangerous.

Quote from Sharona

Sharona: You know, he asked me out on a date, and, uh I told him I'd think about it.
Adrian Monk: Sharona, you know what kind of man he is.
Sharona: Yeah, but that's what I like about him. Look, I, I know you always want to check out my dates and find out what's wrong with them, but at least with Tony, I already know he's a criminal. I mean, I can't be surprised. I've been surprised enough, you know?
Adrian Monk: Well, as long as that makes sense to you.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Jimmy Lu: 98. No. Sorry. 99.
Adrian Monk: Uh, are you, are you stopping? Are you stopping? You just, you did 99. You can't just stop.
Jimmy Lu: Why not?
Adrian Monk: Well, it's not, it's just... It's not right. Why don't you do one more?
Jimmy Lu: 99 is plenty. 99 is my record.
Sharona: Uh, Mr. Lu, have you ever been to Salvatore's barbershop?
Adrian Monk: Let's just make it an even 100. Come on, one more. One more. Sharona, give him a little boost there.
Sharona: I'm not giving him a boost.
Jimmy Lu: How many can you do, Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. But I know this. if I ever did 99, I, I wouldn't stop. I'd dig down, deep down.
Jimmy Lu: All right. I'll do one more. Because you're a friend of Salvatore's. Tell Salvatore I'm sorry about what happened. It's bad business. Bad for everybody.
Adrian Monk: No. No. You just did two. Why did you do that? Now he's gotta do 99 more. Now you have to do 99 more. I'm just... I'm exhausted.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: What, what are you doing? He just confessed.
Captain Stottlemeyer: He did?
Adrian Monk: Didn't you hear that?
Agent Colmes: No.
Lieutenant Disher: No, we got nothing but static.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Your necktie, what happened to the stain?
Adrian Monk: I finally got it out.
Lieutenant Disher: What did you do to the tie?
Adrian Monk: I washed it, ironed it.
Agent Colmes: Excuse me. Ironed it? Are you insane? That transmitter cost $20,000.
Adrian Monk: But the stain is out.
Lieutenant Disher: Great, great, we blew it.
Adrian Monk: Maybe we can trick him into saying it again.
Agent Colmes: Oh, really? How are we gonna do that?
Adrian Monk: Well, I'll just go back there, sit down, and say... "What?" It might be worth a try.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Tell him about that noise your radio keeps making.
Sharona: That's my music.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: So you think I can drive it?
Mechanic: Oh, not like this. It's a death trap.
Sharona: What do you think?
Adrian Monk: Well, that death trap thing sort of concerns me.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Uh, no, not, not, not in the back seat.
Sharona: Wait, wait, wait, Vince, he has a thing about back seats.
Vince: Everybody sits in the back.
Tony Lucarelli: Uh, Mr, Mr. Monk. You can ride in the front with Vince.
Adrian Monk: Yeah. Okay.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Salvatore Lucarelli: Mr. Monk, thank you for coming on such short notice. It means the world to me. [shakes Monk's hand]
Sharona: [hands Monk a wipe] Oh, he does this all the time. He doesn't mean any disrespect.
Salvatore Lucarelli: I understand. I got blood on my hands.
Adrian Monk: Yes, you do.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Salvatore Lucarelli: Oh, Mr. Monk Are you right-handed or left-handed?
Adrian Monk: I'm right-handed. But I, I use my left hand, too. Almost every day.
Sharona: Yeah, you used your left hand this morning.
Adrian Monk: Right. That's right. I'm ambidextrous, really.
Salvatore Lucarelli: Yeah, well, why don't you think about that, too? This conversation is over.

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