Sharona: You okay?
Adrian Monk: I'm not really in my comfort zone here.
Sharona: You have a comfort zone?
Adrian Monk: Yes, I have a comfort zone.
Sharona: I've never seen a comfort zone.
Adrian Monk: It's not very big. It's, uh It's kind of small. I-I don't have a comfort zone.

Sharona: My fear is irrational? As opposed to what, your fears?
Adrian Monk: Well, the stuff I'm afraid of is, you know, based on fact.
Sharona: It is?
Adrian Monk: Like germs.
Sharona: Like, uh, crooked paintings? And-And sidewalk cracks? And- And food touching? And the wind?
Adrian Monk: Hey, the wind can kill. Hurricane Edna?
Sharona: Milk?
Adrian Monk: At least they're things people actually encounter. You have to make an appointment to see an elephant. You have to sign up for a safari or something.

Adrian Monk: Is this a dollop?
Sharona: What?
Adrian Monk: A dollop. It says, "Add one dollop of whipped cream."
Sharona: I don't know. I think a dollop's, like, a teaspoon.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, it doesn't say "teaspoon." It says "dollop."
Sharona: It doesn't matter. It doesn't have to be exact. I- l- It's like a pinch.
Sharona: How many pinches to a dollop?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. Well, maybe it's more like a schmear. I think it's three pinches to a schmear. Or, uh... Ah, forget it. Forget it! Let's make something else.
Sharona: What? You're throwing it out?
Adrian Monk: Nobody can make this cocoa. The recipe's impossible.

Adrian Monk: She's still not talking to me. She says I don't get it.
Dr. Kroger: Well, I think maybe she's right.
Adrian Monk: What don't I get? I don't understand.
Dr. Kroger: I can't tell you that.
Adrian Monk: You mean, you know, but you won't tell me?
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, you're gonna have to figure this one out for yourself.
Adrian Monk: I'm sorry. Uh... I want to make sure I understand this. I have a problem. You know the answer.
Dr. Kroger: That's right.
Adrian Monk: I'm paying you.
Dr. Kroger: That's right.
Adrian Monk: But you won't tell me.
Dr. Kroger: That's right. Adrian, the answer is inside you.
Adrian Monk: No, Doctor, the answer is inside you. If you told me, I would hear it, and then the answer would be inside me!

Sharona: When I was seven, I went to the zoo. I saw a baby girl fall into the elephant pit.
Adrian Monk: And she was hurt?
Sharona: No, she was fine. They got her out. But it scared me to death. And now, ever since then, whenever I see an elephant, l-l-I freak out, and I start shaking. Can't help it. I hate 'em.
Adrian Monk: [laughs] Oh, brother.
Sharona: What's that supposed to mean?
Adrian Monk: Oh, come on, Sharona. You're not a kid anymore. You just suck it up. We're on a job here. I need you now.
Sharona: What did you just say?
Adrian Monk: I said, I need you.
Sharona: No, no, no, no, no. Before that. Did you just tell me to suck it up?
Adrian Monk: No.
Sharona: You know, I can't believe you, Adrian! You have thousands of phobias and quirks that I have to deal with every single day, and I am always there for you! Aren't I? Answer the question! Yes or no?
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Sharona: Right! I am. And now I have just one tiny, little problem, and you have the nerve to tell me to suck it up? Don't you have any compassion? You're the most selfish, inconsiderate man I have ever met.
Adrian Monk: Great. Now I'm upset.

Adrian Monk: Are you all right? You must have been so frightened. See, I'm empathizing with you. I'm putting myself in your shoes.
Sharona: Will you shut up?
Adrian Monk: Okay, now that's you getting annoyed at me because I won't shut up. So I'm... That's me being compassionate and sensitive. I... I feel your pain.
Sharona: Oh, God.
Adrian Monk: I'm feeling your pain.
Sharona: I've created a monster.
Adrian Monk: I hear that. I'm hearing what you're saying.

Sgt. Myers: I can't believe it! Man, we really lucked out. That's Adrian Monk.
Lieutenant Disher: Who?
Sgt. Myers: He's the best crime scene investigator in the department. We studied all his cases at the academy.
Lieutenant Disher: Huh. Really? Never heard of him.
Sgt. Myers: Oh, I can't believe he's here. It's like meeting Mick Jagger. Oh, that's Sharona, his nurse.
Lieutenant Disher: He has a nurse?
Sgt. Myers: When his wife was killed, he didn't leave the house for, like, three and a half years until he met her. Now he can't do anything without her. She's pretty hot, huh?
Lieutenant Disher: Oh, you think so? Hey, maybe they're together.
Sgt. Myers: No. Monk's not with anyone. He's still hung up on his late wife. That's the one case he can't solve. Look at him. Adrian Monk. Oh, he's the man!

Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, there. What's your name, son?
Sgt. Myers: Myers.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Officer Myers, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the area.
Sgt. Myers: Me? What did I do?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Nothing. It's your socks. They don't match.
Sgt. Myers: My socks? Wha- I lost one, sir, so l... They're pretty close, sir.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Look, I couldn't care less about your socks. It's Monk. You're distracting him. He can't concentrate.

Adrian Monk: Where is the sugar?
Lieutenant Disher: Sugar?
Adrian Monk: Sugar cubes. This bowl's empty. All the other bowls are full.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Right. What's that mean?
Adrian Monk: I... don't know.

Adrian Monk: What happened next?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, the getaway. Which is why you're here. I thought this might be right up your alley.
Lieutenant Disher: No pun intended.
Adrian Monk: What pun is that?
Lieutenant Disher: Because of the alley.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Shecky, can I continue?