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‘Mr. Monk Gets Hypnotized’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Monk: Mr. Monk Gets Hypnotized

708. Mr. Monk Gets Hypnotized

Aired September 12, 2008

Jealous of how well-adjusted Harold Krenshaw seems lately, Monk makes a secret appointment with his hypnotist, Dr. Lawrence Climan (guest star Richard Schiff). Meanwhile, Stottlemeyer and Disher investigate the abduction of an actress in an unhappy marriage to a billionaire.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Lieutenant Disher: All right, well she told some paramedic that she loosened one of those baseboards. She pretended to be asleep. When he came back to check on her. Bam. Side of the head. [Monk laughs]
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, do you have something you'd like to share with the rest of us?
Adrian Monk: I can see his butt.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, the man is dead.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, of embarrassment! Sorry. I've got it. Here's what happened. Tuesday night, Larkin abducted his wife from that parking lot. He overpowered her. Maybe he drugged her. Then, he brought her up here. He kept her prisoner. For three days, he taunted her. He humiliated her. Something about some jewelry. He- He even refused to feed her. But last night he went a little too far. In all the excitement, his pants fell down. He killed himself. He didn't have a choice. She'd seen his hiney. [laughs]
Captain Stottlemeyer: I think we're done here.

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Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Lawrence Climan: We are going to take a little trip together, you and I. We are going back in time. Going back before the pain. Before the fear.
Adrian Monk: Before the fear.
Dr. Lawrence Climan: Good. You're with Trudy now.
Adrian Monk: No, no! Trudy. I'm gonna lose her again. I'm gonna lose her again!
Dr. Lawrence Climan: Okay, okay. We're moving on. We're- We're- We're moving back a little further. Now, you're in high school.
Adrian Monk: It's third period. It's gym class. They're gonna make me climb that rope. I can't climb that rope.
I can't, please don't make me climb that rope.
Dr. Lawrence Climan: Okay, okay, no, no. We're moving back, moving back. Further back. Way back. Before the fear. Here we go. We are going back. [Monk smiles] Is that a smile? Are you happy? [Monk nods] Adrian, where are you? Where are you?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Lieutenant Disher: We're going to have to search all of these, with your permission, of course.
Aaron Larkin: Yeah, sure, be my guest. Whatever you need. You might not believe this, but, I want my wife found as much as you do. I've got nothing to hide.
Adrian Monk: Oh, I think you do. I think you have plenty to hide. He's in love with her.
Emily Carter: What?
Adrian Monk: I bet they want to get married, and go on a honeymoon, and, you know, kiss.
Emily Carter: Who, who is this person?
Adrian Monk: Look at his face. He's turning all red. Just admit it. You want to marry her. It's all over town.
Emily Carter: What does that mean?
Aaron Larkin: It's all right, Emily. This is Adrian Monk. He's famous. He's the best detective in California. And yeah, it's true. Emily and I are involved. As a matter of fact, I was with Emily the night Sally disappeared.
Lieutenant Disher: Well, if that checks out, it looks like you have an alibi then.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why didn't you tell us before?
Aaron Larkin: Well, Captain, it's a little, complicated.
Emily Carter: I'm technically still married.
Aaron Larkin: We've been keeping it secret for three years, But you saw right through it in two minutes, Mr. Monk. Well done. I am curious, though, how did you... What gave us away?
Adrian Monk: Cinchy. I saw you drinking out of her water bottle without wiping it off. You weren't afraid of her cooties.
Emily Carter: My cooties.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Lawrence Climan: You're safe. Okay? All your doubts, All your fears, are falling away. They're falling away. Can you feel them? Can you feel them falling away? Don't say anything. Just nod your head.
Adrian Monk: I'm nodding my head.
Dr. Lawrence Climan: But don't say you're nodding your head. Just nod your head.
Adrian Monk: I'm nodding my head.
Dr. Lawrence Climan: No, don't say you're nodding your head. Just nod your head.
Adrian Monk: I am nodding my head.
Dr. Lawrence Climan: Okay, forget the nodding.

Quote from Harold Krenshaw

Harold Krenshaw: Indecent exposure? There's no such thing. The human body is a beautiful thing! It is beautiful! The whole world is beautiful! You are beautiful. And so are you. Come on, let's all get naked. Let's all get naked! Free yourself! We were born free, just free yourself and let... [two police officers cuff Harold] I'm free.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Here's what happened. Your husband never abducted you. No one abducted you. It was a setup from the very beginning. You did spend three days in that cabin, but you weren't a prisoner. You were hiding out. You were waiting. You chained yourself up so the bruises would be real. And you starved yourself.
You were an actress, preparing for the biggest performance of your life. Then, last night, you went back to your house. You brought a rug from the cabin and you put it down to the floor. Then, you waited in the shadows. You killed him there, then dragged his body back to the cabin. It was show time. To the world, you were a woman who had escaped from her sadistic husband. You were a hero. A very wealthy hero.
Sally Larkin: Well, that's a very nice little story, Detective Monk.
Adrian Monk: It's more than a story. I can prove that you didn't spend three days in that cabin, chained to the floorboards. You made one mistake. While you were missing, we went to your house to question your husband. The captain was chewing some gum. He had some trouble. He ended up spitting it out. Last night, after the murder, you accidentally stepped on the same piece of gum. [removes gum from mouth] This piece of gum. The one that was stuck to your shoe.
Sally Larkin: You can't prove that's the same piece of gum. Gum is gum.
Adrian Monk: Not this gum. This is Disher-Mint gum. Diet blueberry. It's homemade. It was on your shoe.
Sally Larkin: You've been chewing that piece of gum for five hours?
Adrian Monk: No. I've been chewing this piece of gum for five and a... Half. Oh, my God. Chewing this gum for five and a half hours! [throws gum on the ground]

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: It's a double rainbow. I've never seen one before. Aren't you gonna look?
Adrian Monk: I believe you. It's a double rainbow. Yeah, that must be her car.
Natalie: But, Mr. Monk, you have to look.
Adrian Monk: Why?
Natalie: Because it's beautiful and it's rare. Don't you have any sense of wonder?
Adrian Monk: Sure, I do. I wonder where the missing woman went.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, please just turn around.
Adrian Monk: Why, is this your rainbow? Did you commission this rainbow?
Natalie: No, it's your rainbow, at least it should be. Come on. Turn around. What do you think?
Adrian Monk: Not really a double rainbow, is it? "Double" implies equal. The top one is 40% smaller.
Natalie: Don't you see that? Don't you see how beautiful that is?
Adrian Monk: I'm trying. I just wish they were even.
Natalie: I'm so sorry.
Adrian Monk: Sorry about what?
Natalie: Sorry for you. You'll never know what you're missing.

Quote from Harold Krenshaw

Harold Krenshaw: Hey, buddy! What's going on? Natalie? Wow, you look fantastic.
Natalie: Oh, well, thank you, Harold. I think.
Harold Krenshaw: Do you get out of bed looking like that?
Adrian Monk: Harold, what are you doing here?
Harold Krenshaw: I'm just jogging by, enjoying the day. Oh, I love the city after it rains. It smells like perfume.
Adrian Monk: Does it?
Harold Krenshaw: Have you seen the double rainbow?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, yeah, I know. They're not even.
Harold Krenshaw: Really? I didn't notice.
Adrian Monk: [chuckles] Right, me neither.

Quote from Harold Krenshaw

Harold Krenshaw: Look, I don't want to interrupt your work. I know you're busy. It is another murder?
Adrian Monk: You know what, Harold? Maybe.
Harold Krenshaw: They're lucky to have you. Listen to this man. He is a genius.
Adrian Monk: He doesn't mean that. You don't mean that.
Harold Krenshaw: Sure, I do. I do. I don't play that competitive game anymore. That was an emotional dead end. I have a new therapist. [sighs] I'm in a whole different place.
Adrian Monk: You, you have a new guy?
Harold Krenshaw: He's great.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, my new guy's great too. His first name is Neven. It's a palindrome.
Harold Krenshaw: Ah, I guess it is.
Adrian Monk: Oh, it is. It is.
Harold Krenshaw: I know that stuff is important to you. I guess I'm just a little more result-oriented these days. His name is Climan. Lawrence Climan. Give him a call.
Adrian Monk: Hypnotherapist? He's a hypnotist?
Harold Krenshaw: Mmm-hmm. Worked for me.
Natalie: Yeah, I- I guess it did.
Harold Krenshaw: Anyway, good luck. See you around campus. I just cannot get over that rainbow! It just makes you feel glad to be alive, doesn't it? Oh, I love this song! [sings] 16 girls standing in a row One says "hi," the other says "hello".

Quote from Lieutenant Disher

Captain Stottlemeyer: What the hell is this? "Disher-Mint"?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, I made it myself.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You made the gum?
Lieutenant Disher: Yeah, from a kit. I got it online. In my basement, I'm experimenting with a bunch of different flavors right now. Guess what this one is.
Natalie: Tar?
Lieutenant Disher: No, it's supposed to be diet blueberry. [Stottlemeyer gags] Is there too much citric acid?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, hell. Where'd it go?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Oh, it's driving me crazy. How did he do it?
Natalie: Who?
Adrian Monk: Harold! Did you see him? He looked so not unhappy. And he wasn't acting, either. I could tell.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt you. But this guy says that, he never left the house. That he was here all night.
Adrian Monk: He's lying. What if it really works?
Natalie: What? What, hypnotism? Mr. Monk, just because Harold seems to be doing a little better doesn't mean it'll work for you. I mean, everybody's different. Especially you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Excuse me again, sorry. How do we know he's lying?
Adrian Monk: The umbrella. Look, maybe it's real. It says "certified."
Natalie: What does that mean? Certified by who?
Adrian Monk: Whom.
Natalie: Whom. Mr. Monk, I just read this article on hypnotism. It's not even medical. It's a short cut.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Sorry, excuse me, one more thing. What about the umbrella?
Adrian Monk: Well, the green one on the end. It's monogrammed, it's obviously his. It's still wet from the rain.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Right, thank you.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Dr. Lawrence Climan: Adrian, I need you to relax.
Adrian Monk: Okay.
Dr. Lawrence Climan: I think you could do better than that. Here, I need you to get comfortable, okay?
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Dr. Lawrence Climan: I need you to un-clench. I need you to open every door. Open every door. There. Okay. What are you thinking about?
Adrian Monk: Harold Krenshaw.
Dr. Lawrence Climan: Okay, okay. Forget about Harold Krenshaw. He doesn't exist.
Adrian Monk: He doesn't exist.
Dr. Lawrence Climan: He doesn't. He doesn't exist. I know. I know you have doubts. You're a skeptical man. But you came to me for a reason. You have to make a leap here. Uh-huh. Leap, and a net will appear.
Adrian Monk: Who's Annette?
Dr. Lawrence Climan: No, a net, to catch you.

Quote from Dr. Bell

Natalie: What do you think?
Dr. Bell: I think you should have called me. Hypnotism is no substitute for real treatment. I am aware of this Dr.
Climan. I've been cleaning up his messes for years.
Adrian Monk: I told him not to call that guy. I made him promise.
Lieutenant Disher: Can't you just... [clicks fingers] You know, snap him out of it, doc?
Dr. Bell: It doesn't work like that, Lieutenant. Even if I could I wouldn't recommend it. It might trigger some deeper depressive reaction. He's returned to an earlier ego state. Emotionally, he's about six and a half, seven years old.
Lieutenant Disher: Is he reliving his childhood?
Dr. Bell: Not at all. No, he's living the childhood he always wanted. You might call it a, wish fulfillment.
Adrian Monk: We're outta syrup! We're outta syrup!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Natalie, he couldn't live like this forever, right?
Dr. Bell: No, of course not. No, not like that. But the good news is, at some deeper level, Adrian knows that too. Eventually, he'll snap himself out of it. Don't worry. He'll come back to us.
Adrian Monk: We have a syrup emergency here! Grenade!
Dr. Bell: Hey, good shot!

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sally Larkin: I always knew Aaron was crazy, but I- I never dreamed that he would... [sobs] I mean, three days in that horrible room.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You know, you could do this tomorrow, if you'd like. [Monk flicks a pencil at Sally]
Sally Larkin: No, thank you, I would just rather get it over with today.
Lieutenant Disher: Okay, all right. What- What did he say? What did he want?
Sally Larkin: He was just acting crazy, asking me about my jewelry. I hid most of it. He just wanted to know where I kept it. And I know that as soon as I told him where it was, he would've killed me.
Adrian Monk: She's a liar. [blows raspberries] There is no way she spent three days in that cabin. No way.
Lieutenant Disher: And why not?
Adrian Monk: There's no TV, so it's impossible. She would have died.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: What's the matter with short cuts? Short cuts are your friend. They get you where you wanna go. Only faster.
Natalie: Mr. Monk, we need to call Dr. Bell.
Adrian Monk: Ah, All Dr. Bell wants to do is talk. Here's Dr. Bell. "Blah, blah. "Tell me about your mother. Yack, yack, yack. "How does that make you feel? Words, words, words."
Natalie: That's your impression of Dr. Bell?
Adrian Monk: I'm sick of talking. I've been talking for 11 years. I want to get better. I wanna look at rainbows, and...
Natalie: I know you do, Mr. Monk. I know you do. But this is the thing: we don't know anything about this guy. We don't even know if he's a real doctor. Promise me. Promise me you will not call him until we talk to Dr. Bell.
Natalie: Promise.
Adrian Monk: Yeah, all right.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Natalie: Mr. Monk, it's pretty high up. You might wanna stay in the car.
Adrian Monk: Do I have to?
Natalie: Do you have to? No. You're the boss.
Adrian Monk: It's such a nice day. Might be fun to run around.
Natalie: You wanna run around?
Adrian Monk: Oh, there's the Captain. Come on!

Quote from Adrian Monk

Captain Stottlemeyer: Terrain's a little rough. Try to stay in formation. Eyes forward and down.
Lieutenant Disher: We're looking for anything unusual. Signs of a struggle, freshly dug dirt, articles of clothing.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Any questions?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, what do we win?
Captain Stottlemeyer: What do we win?
Adrian Monk: If we find the body.
Lieutenant Disher: You don't win anything. Right?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: Everybody, I got something!
Lieutenant Disher: What is it?
Adrian Monk: Okay, but I saw it first.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You saw it first? Who the hell cares?
Adrian Monk: I care. That's who.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, so you saw it first. What is it?
Adrian Monk: Okay, but here's the rule: you guys can't touch it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I understand. We're all cops here.
Adrian Monk: I can touch it. Natalie can touch it. Just me and Natalie, and nobody else. See? [holds a forg] I'm gonna- I'm gonna call him Hoppy. Because he likes to, you know, hop. Isn't there a shoe box in your car? That could be Hoppy's house. Let me go get it. Let me go get it.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Adrian Monk: I have a frog. It's in the car.
Doris: Really?
Adrian Monk: Is it your birthday?
Doris: Yes, it is.
Natalie: Happy birthday.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, congratulations.
Doris: Thank you.
Adrian Monk: How old are you?
Natalie: Mr. Monk.
Adrian Monk: Are you over or under 100?
Natalie: What are you doing?
Doris: I'm 57.
Natalie: You look great.
Adrian Monk: 57, wow. 57. So you're really getting up there.
Doris: Well, I wouldn't say that.
Adrian Monk: I would.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Aaron Larkin: I'm sorry to keep you waiting. So have you heard anything?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Not from your wife. We've spoken to a number of local merchants, however.
Lieutenant Disher: Apparently she was, trying to sell some jewelry.
Aaron Larkin: Well, that's. That's unusual. Normally, she's buying.
Adrian Monk: Guess how old she is.
Doris: I think I'm gonna take my break.
Aaron Larkin: Yeah, sure.
Adrian Monk: Do you have to make?
Natalie: Make what?
Lieutenant Disher: Is he drunk?

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