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‘Mr. Monk and the Airplane’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Monk: Mr. Monk and the Airplane

113. Mr. Monk and the Airplane

Aired October 18, 2002

After Sharona drags Monk on a flight to see her aunt in New Jersey, he suspects a man of killing his wife before take-off.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Oh, my God, that is Tim Daly! I love him!
Adrian Monk: What is he, some kind of actor?
Sharona: Yeah. Yeah. He was on that show, Wings.
Adrian Monk: Never saw it. Was it good?
Sharona: Well, he was.

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Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: Okay. I got good news and bad news. What do you want to hear first?
Adrian Monk: Neither.
Sharona: Well, you gotta pick one.
Adrian Monk: I don't want to. If you tell me the good news first, I won't enjoy it, because I'll be worrying about the bad news, which is coming next. But if you tell me the bad news first, I won't get a chance to enjoy the good news, because I know...

Quote from Sharona

Sharona: Now, do you want the aisle or the middle?
Adrian Monk: Okay. I'll take the... Aisle.
Sharona: You sure?
Adrian Monk: Aisle. Aisle. Middle. Middle. Oh, middle. Aisle! Aisle! I'm just gonna wait. Aisle. Middle.
Warren Beach: Mister. Mister. Take this one. I won't mind.
Sharona: Oh, no, no, no. Please don't offer him a third choice. His head will explode.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Leigh: Let me guess. First time on a plane?
Adrian Monk: Oh, no, no. I've been on a plane before.
Leigh: Where'd you go?
Adrian Monk: Well, uh... Didn't actually go anywhere. Before we took off, I was crying so much, they asked my mother and me to leave the plane.
Sharona: Tell her how old you were.
Adrian Monk: I was, uh, 27.

Quote from Adrian Monk

[Monk repeatedly presses the assistance button]
Leigh: We meet again.
Adrian Monk: Excuse me, that woman back there is coughing and coughing. She's not covering her mouth.
Leigh: I'm not her mother.
Adrian Monk: I know, it's the air. It's all recirculating, and it feels like she's coughing right on me.
Leigh: We have a special supply of fresh air up front. I'm not supposed to do this, but I'm gonna have the captain pipe it directly into your blower. Okay?
Adrian Monk: Okay.
Leigh: Ah, don't tell anybody else.
Sharona: Thank you.
Adrian Monk: She was patronizing me, wasn't she?

Quote from Sharona

Sharona: Is that a new script?
Tim Daly: Yeah. I can't decide whether or not to do it.
Sharona: Hit Man's Diary. Hmm. If you do it, are you gonna shave your goatee?
Tim Daly: Why?
Sharona: Well, it's-it's just something that I notice. Um, when you're clean-shaven, whatever you're in is a big hit.
Tim Daly: Really?
Sharona: Mm-hmm. Well, think about it. You got Diner, Wings, Earth to the Moon, they were huge.
Tim Daly: That's true. And I got an agent, a lawyer and a manager, and they never noticed that.
Sharona: And when you had a mustache in Year of the Comet, it...
Tim Daly: Bombed.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Warren Beach: You really think he killed his wife?
Sharona: He always thinks people are killing each other.
Adrian Monk: That's true. And I'll tell you why. Because they are.

Quote from Sharona

Adrian Monk: What time does she get in?
Sharona: Any minute. We have to hurry.
Adrian Monk: All right. I finally get to meet the famous Aunt Minn.
Sharona: Yep.
Adrian Monk: Have you told her about me?
Sharona: I think your name's come up once or twice.
Adrian Monk: What did you say?
Sharona: I told her the truth. Sorry.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Little Girl: Do you like riddles?
Adrian Monk: Oh, yes.
Little Girl: Good. 'Cause I have one.
Adrian Monk: Did I say yes? I meant no.
Little Girl: Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?
Adrian Monk: Repeat.
Little Girl: Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?
Adrian Monk: Repeat.
Little Girl: Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?
Adrian Monk: ... Repeat.
Little Girl: Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Ticket Clerk: I can assure you, Mr. Monk, this particular aircraft has an excellent safety record.
Adrian Monk: Could I see it?
Sharona: Adrian. He doesn't have the safety record with him.
Adrian Monk: How long would it take you to get a copy?
Woman: Now he wants to see the safety record. Ugh! He's gonna sit right next to me. I know it.
Adrian Monk: And the last time the plane was disinfected was when, would you say?

Quote from Adrian Monk

Sharona: I am telling you, it's gonna be fine. It's the safest way to travel.
Adrian Monk: I know. Statistically, it's very safe. But here's my problem: You see that plane taking off? I know it happens 10,000 times a day, but it's really it's really not possible, is it, when you really I mean, how can they fly? They're made of metal. They weigh 200 tons. Plus, now you're adding all the magazines...

Quote from Adrian Monk

Warren Beach: That's pretty sharp. You ought to be a detective.
Sharona: Oh, he is a detective. That's why he notices little things like that.
Warren Beach: "Noticing little things"? Basically, that's all a salesman does. Listen, if you ever need a job, call me.
Adrian Monk: "Extension cords"?
Warren Beach: The largest distributor of extension cords in the world. We have 65% of the domestic market. We make three-footers, six-footers, nine-footers, that's our big seller. It's 50% longer than the six-footer.
Adrian Monk: That's right. That's all you sell.
Warren Beach: I'm fulfilled. I mean, everybody takes extension cords for granted. But just try to imagine how the world would be without them.
Adrian Monk: I guess all the furniture would be a lot closer to the walls.
Warren Beach: Exactly. "If it doesn't reach, call Warren Beach."

Quote from Adrian Monk

Leigh: Welcome to Nationwide Airways Flight 635 nonstop to Newark, New Jersey. In the unlikely event of loss of cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop automatically from the overhead compartment.
Adrian Monk: I'm sorry. You were talking so fast. Th-The overhead what, what, what?
Leigh: Compartment. Simply place the mask over your nose and mouth and breathe normally.
Adrian Monk: Could you just say that little part again? I couldn't see.
Leigh: "simply place the mask over your nose and mouth and breathe normally."
Adrian Monk: Maybe we should test them.
Leigh: We don't need to test them.
Adrian Monk: But how do we know that they're working?
Leigh: They all work, okay? There are four exits in the aircraft. Two in the for...
Adrian Monk: [to woman behind] Excuse me. Excuse me. Uh, shh! "Two in the forward section," go on.
Leigh: And one over each wing. In the event of an evacuation, we are asking passengers seated nearest to the exits...
Adrian Monk: I'm so sorry. How can we be sure that we have the best people sitting near the exits?
Leigh: If you don't think that the cabin is safe, perhaps you'd be more comfortable flying downstairs in the cargo bay? [passengers applaud]
Warren Beach: She got ya, Adrian.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Warren Beach: How do you feel now?
Adrian Monk: I feel better.
Warren Beach: Good. Forget your problems. Go to a happy place. Go to SeaWorld.
Adrian Monk: I don't like crowds.
Warren Beach: It's closed! It's a holiday. You're there alone. Easy. There was no murder, was there?
Adrian Monk: No.
Warren Beach: There are no killers aboard.
Adrian Monk: No killers.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Warren Beach: Well, this is a flight I'll never forget although I'll sure try to. Adrian, I've been thinking over your theory about the French couple, and I've come to a conclusion. I'd like my card back. Thank you. Bye!

Quote from Sharona

Sharona: Adrian. Undo your pockets and put your stuff in here.
TSA Agent: You didn't have to put them in Baggies, sir.
Sharona: No, he did.

Quote from Sharona

TSA Agent: Nail clippers. You can't bring these on board.
Adrian Monk: Sorry. So, she can't fly. Is that what you're saying? We have to stay here.
TSA Agent: No, we have to confiscate them.
Adrian Monk: You sure you wanna go without your nail clippers?
Sharona: I'll buy new ones when we get there.
Adrian Monk: They may not have that exact model.
Sharona: Ah, I don't care.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Leigh: Mr. Monk! It's nice to have you with us.
Adrian Monk: [nervous chuckle]
Sharona: Oh, he's just a little nervous.
Leigh: There's nothing to be nervous about. [tries to take Monk's ticket] You're gonna have to let go of that ticket.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Wait. Okay, take it. Take it. Quick. Quick.
Leigh: [to her colleague] Trouble ahead.
Male Attendant: Oh, yeah.

Quote from Adrian Monk

Warren Beach: Good choice. So, business or pleasure?
Adrian Monk: Uh, w-we're going to visit her aunt in New Jersey, so... Neither.
Warren Beach: I'm Warren Beach. "Beach," like Coney Island.
Adrian Monk: Oh. Adrian Monk.
Warren Beach: Hi, Adrian. [shakes Monk's hand] How are you? [Sharona hands Monk a wipe] What's the matter? I'm not sick.
Sharona: No, he is.

Quote from Sharona

Adrian Monk: What is that?
Sharona: Oh, um, that's a diagram. It shows you what to do in case there's an emergency.
Adrian Monk: How much time do we have to study this?
Sharona: [chuckles] Oh, he's not exactly a frequent flyer, you know.

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