Adrian Monk Quotes Page 1 of 92    

Quote from Mr. Monk Is At Your Service

Natalie: Are you afraid of frogs?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I've never been this close to one. [A frog lands on Monk's shoe] Yes. The answer is yes. Put frogs on the list. Where's the list?
Natalie: I got it. I got it. Where does it go?
Adrian Monk: Put them between possums and, uh, soccer riots. No, no, no. Uh, after after soccer riots. And before, uh, before hailstones. Yeah, so it goes...
Natalie: I got it, I got it: Soccer riots, frogs, hailstones.
Adrian Monk: At least now we know. Information really is power.

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Quote from Mr. Monk and the Daredevil

Natalie: Where are you going?
Adrian Monk: Bathroom.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why? [Monk is silent] I'll go with you.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, let me go with you.
Natalie: We promised Dr. Kroger we wouldn't leave you alone.
Adrian Monk: I am not suicidal. I just wish I was never born. There's a difference.

Quote from Mr. Monk Gets Fired

Ms. Lennington: Mr. Monk, what would you say is your greatest strength?
Adrian Monk: Oh. Mm... [long, expectant pause] My decisiveness.

Quote from Mr. Monk and the Captain's Wife

Dr. Kroger: You know, I've been reading about this, uh, this sniper. That's, uh, really terrifying.
Adrian Monk: The police think it's union related.
Dr. Kroger: And what- What, you don't agree?
Adrian Monk: I think the second shooting was a diversion to throw us all off the trail.
Dr. Kroger: Hmm. Well, it's still a tough case. How do you feel?
Adrian Monk: I'm torn. Half of me is worried about Karen, and 40% is worried about Captain Stottlemeyer, and 5% is relieved that somebody finally understands what I've been going through.
Dr. Kroger: You know that's not 100%?
Adrian Monk: I know. I always keep part of me empty for... for emergencies.

Quote from Mr. Monk Gets a New Shrink

Adrian Monk: This isn't happening. This can't be happening.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, I promise you, I'll get you another doctor. I'll- I'll call you next week.
Adrian Monk: Okay. So it's not true. You're not retiring. I mean, you can't, because- He- He can't retire. He can't possibly retire.
Dr. Kroger: [to Natalie] This is step one in the grieving process. Denial. Denial, yeah.
Adrian Monk: Damn you, Charles! Damn you to hell! I hate you. I hate you! You are dead to me.
Natalie: That's not denial.
Dr. Kroger: No. Step two, that's anger.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Okay, we're all adults here. We can work this out. I can hire you full time. I'll put you on the payroll.
Dr. Kroger: This is step three. It's bargaining. It usually doesn't go around this quickly.
Adrian Monk: Why me? Why is it always me? Everybody's always leaving me.
Natalie: Depression?
Adrian Monk: This just can't go on. It's just too much. Okay. You're right. It's not the end of the world. I'm just gonna have to find another doctor. I owe you so much. Thanks to you, I think I can get past this. Thanks, Doc.
Dr. Kroger: And finally, acceptance.
Natalie: Thank God that's over.
Adrian Monk: He can't retire! The man can't quit! Because he's not a quitter!
Natalie: Wait, what's going on?
Dr. Kroger: I don't know, I don't know. It's like he's starting all over again, like he's in a loop.
Adrian Monk: I hate you for this, Kroger! You are dead to me, you understand me? Dead!
Dr. Kroger: I- I really should be heading home.
Adrian Monk: Okay, okay, let's be reasonable. I'll come to your house. You'll never have to go to your office again. That's fair. [Kroger walks away] Why? Why me? Why always leaving me?

Quote from Mr. Monk and the Very, Very Old Man

Adrian Monk: The feeding schedule goes up to last Friday. He's- He's- He's loose. He's somewhere in the house. Come- Come up- Come on up here. It's plenty strong.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm not getting on the table with you, Monk. I thought you were afraid of heights.
Adrian Monk: Snakes trump heights. It goes germs, needles, milk, death, snakes, mushrooms, heights, crowds, elevators...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, I don't need the entire list.

Quote from Mr. Monk and the Other Woman

Adrian Monk: She's always with me. Every time I close my eyes. She's always 34 years old. She's always wearing the same dress. And she's always so...
Dr. Kroger: Adrian? I have something to say. It's been four years since you lost Trudy. That- That's a long time.
Adrian Monk: It is?
Dr. Kroger: Yeah. Have you ever considered dating again?
Adrian Monk: No. I've thought about thinking about it.

Quote from Mr. Monk Takes the Stand

[flashback:]
Lieutenant Disher: Were you alone?
Evan Gildea: No. I was with her. [removes a sheet covering a sculpture of a naked woman]
Adrian Monk: [squeaks]
[present, in the court room:]
Adrian Monk: [squeaks]
Harrison Powell: Mr. Monk, are you okay?
Adrian Monk: I'm fine.
Judge Santa Croce: You were making a noise.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Judge Santa Croce: Could you read that back, please?
Stenographer: Witness: The defendant removed a sheet revealing a naked... [squeaks]

Quote from Mr. Monk Visits a Farm

Jimmy Belmont: You know, there are no secrets in a town like this. I know all about you, former Detective Adrian Monk. I heard you were dancing with Sheriff Butterfield last night. Badly. Heard you were askin' about me. Well, here I am. Now, you wanna ask me something, you go right ahead.
Adrian Monk: Okay, what's back there? Let me guess. Fields of reefer.
Jimmy Belmont: Fields of reefer? What kinda cop were you?
Adrian Monk: You know what I mean. Ditchweed. Boo. The old Ali Baba.
Jimmy Belmont: What makes you think that I'd actually--
Adrian Monk: Magic dragon, bambalachi, Yellow Submarine, Black Bart, Dr. Giggles, Kentucky Blue. You know what I'm talkin' about. I'm talkin' about Railroad Weed, that's right. The Devil's Parsley. Skunk, Splim, Splam, Mooster. Side Salad.
Jimmy Belmont: Side Salad?

Quote from Mr. Monk and the Other Woman

Adrian Monk: We used to come here all the time.
Monica Waters: You and your wife?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, it's so different. That blackboard was over there, and I think the salt and pepper shakers are new.
Monica Waters: Is that it?
Adrian Monk: Yeah, that- That's it.
Monica Waters: You don't like change, do you?
Adrian Monk: I have no problem with change. I just don't like to be there when it happens.

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