Adrian Monk Quotes Page 1 of 91

Quote from Mr. Monk Is At Your Service

Natalie: Are you afraid of frogs?
Adrian Monk: I don't know. I've never been this close to one. [A frog lands on Monk's shoe] Yes. The answer is yes. Put frogs on the list. Where's the list?
Natalie: I got it. I got it. Where does it go?
Adrian Monk: Put them between possums and, uh, soccer riots. No, no, no. Uh, after after soccer riots. And before, uh, before hailstones. Yeah, so it goes...
Natalie: I got it, I got it: Soccer riots, frogs, hailstones.
Adrian Monk: At least now we know. Information really is power.

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Quote from Mr. Monk and the Daredevil

Natalie: Where are you going?
Adrian Monk: Bathroom.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why? [Monk is silent] I'll go with you.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, let me go with you.
Natalie: We promised Dr. Kroger we wouldn't leave you alone.
Adrian Monk: I am not suicidal. I just wish I was never born. There's a difference.

Quote from Mr. Monk Gets Fired

Ms. Lennington: Mr. Monk, what would you say is your greatest strength?
Adrian Monk: Oh. Mm... [long, expectant pause] My decisiveness.

Quote from Mr. Monk and the Captain's Wife

Dr. Kroger: You know, I've been reading about this, uh, this sniper. That's, uh, really terrifying.
Adrian Monk: The police think it's union related.
Dr. Kroger: And what- What, you don't agree?
Adrian Monk: I think the second shooting was a diversion to throw us all off the trail.
Dr. Kroger: Hmm. Well, it's still a tough case. How do you feel?
Adrian Monk: I'm torn. Half of me is worried about Karen, and 40% is worried about Captain Stottlemeyer, and five percent is relieved that somebody finally understands what I've been going through.
Dr. Kroger: You know that's not 100%?
Adrian Monk: I know. I always keep part of me empty for... for emergencies.

Quote from Mr. Monk Gets a New Shrink

Adrian Monk: This isn't happening. This can't be happening.
Dr. Kroger: Adrian, I promise you, I'll get you another doctor. I'll- I'll call you next week.
Adrian Monk: Okay. So it's not true. You're not retiring. I mean, you can't, because- He- He can't retire. He can't possibly retire.
Dr. Kroger: [to Natalie] This is step one in the grieving process. Denial. Denial, yeah.
Adrian Monk: Damn you, Charles! Damn you to hell! I hate you. I hate you! You are dead to me.
Natalie: That's not denial.
Dr. Kroger: No. Step two, that's anger.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Okay, we're all adults here. We can work this out. I can hire you full time. I'll put you on the payroll.
Dr. Kroger: This is step three. It's bargaining. It usually doesn't go around this quickly.
Adrian Monk: Why me? Why is it always me? Everybody's always leaving me.
Natalie: Depression?
Adrian Monk: This just can't go on. It's just too much. Okay. You're right. It's not the end of the world. I'm just gonna have to find another doctor. I owe you so much. Thanks to you, I think I can get past this. Thanks, Doc.
Dr. Kroger: And finally, acceptance.
Natalie: Thank God that's over.
Adrian Monk: He can't retire! The man can't quit! Because he's not a quitter!
Natalie: Wait, what's going on?
Dr. Kroger: I don't know, I don't know. It's like he's starting all over again, like he's in a loop.
Adrian Monk: I hate you for this, Kroger! You are dead to me, you understand me? Dead!
Dr. Kroger: I- I really should be heading home.
Adrian Monk: Okay, okay, let's be reasonable. I'll come to your house. You'll never have to go to your office again. That's fair. [Kroger walks away] Why? Why me? Why always leaving me?

Quote from Mr. Monk and the Other Woman

Adrian Monk: She's always with me. Every time I close my eyes. She's always 34 years old. She's always wearing the same dress. And she's always so...
Dr. Kroger: Adrian? I have something to say. It's been four years since you lost Trudy. That- That's a long time.
Adrian Monk: It is?
Dr. Kroger: Yeah. Have you ever considered dating again?
Adrian Monk: No. I've thought about thinking about it.

Quote from Mr. Monk and the Very, Very Old Man

Adrian Monk: The feeding schedule goes up to last Friday. He's- He's- He's loose. He's somewhere in the house. Come- Come up- Come on up here. It's plenty strong.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm not getting on the table with you, Monk. I thought you were afraid of heights.
Adrian Monk: Snakes trump heights. It goes germs, needles, milk, death, snakes, mushrooms, heights, crowds, elevators...
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay, I don't need the entire list.

Quote from Mr. Monk Is On The Run (Part One)

Prosecutor: The bullet definitely came from his gun. It's been tested by two different laboratories.
Judge: Bail is set at $900,000.
[Monk confers with his lawyer]
Lawyer: With the court's permission, could you make it an even million?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, my God!

Quote from Mr. Monk Takes the Stand

[flashback:]
Lieutenant Disher: Were you alone?
Evan Gildea: No. I was with her. [removes a sheet covering a sculpture of a naked woman]
Adrian Monk: [squeaks]
[present, in the court room:]
Adrian Monk: [squeaks]
Harrison Powell: Mr. Monk, are you okay?
Adrian Monk: I'm fine.
Judge Santa Croce: You were making a noise.
Adrian Monk: I don't think so.
Judge Santa Croce: Could you read that back, please?
Stenographer: Witness: The defendant removed a sheet revealing a naked... [squeaks]

Quote from Mr. Monk and the End (Part One)

Adrian Monk: So, how long?
Dr. Malcolm Nash: Two, maybe three days. Now, you are gonna feel normal for awhile. Then there's gonna be some vomiting, followed by death.
Adrian Monk: [sits down] Vomiting?
Dr. Malcolm Nash: That's right, followed by death.
Adrian Monk: Vomiting?!
Dr. Malcolm Nash: Yes, followed by death.
Adrian Monk: [wails] Vomiting!
Dr. Malcolm Nash: Adrian, I really need you to focus on the last part of that sentence. There's gonna be some vomiting and then death.
Adrian Monk: Is there any chance death can come before the vomiting?

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