Captain Stottlemeyer: Disher told me that you put the grenade in the refrigerator.
Adrian Monk: Yeah.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And then he said you went back and opened it again. You just had to straighten something out, didn't you? I'm gonna ask the Mayor to give you a medal for what you did. And then I'm gonna ask the Mayor to take that medal back. Because you just had to open that door, didn't you?
Adrian Monk: So it's a wash?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, it's a wash.

Adrian Monk: What are you- What are you doing?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I'm eating a doughnut. It's food.
Adrian Monk: W- Why that one?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Because I like the coconut.
Harold Krenshaw: Now you have to eat a sugar one.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I don't want a sugar one.
Adrian Monk: Or you could take three more coconuts and two chocolate.
Harold Krenshaw: Or one coconut and two glazed.
Adrian Monk: Or you could just eat them all. That would probably be easier, huh?
Harold Krenshaw: That's a good idea.
Adrian Monk: Probably be easiest.
Harold Krenshaw: Yeah.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Or I could do this. [squishes box] There. Now there's one doughnut. One big damn doughnut.
Adrian Monk: [to Harold] You see what you did?

Captain Stottlemeyer: Could we get back to this? Mr. Krenshaw, where were you at 10:30 this morning?
Harold Krenshaw: I was at Dr. Kroger's office. I had my my appointment.
Adrian Monk: Your appointment ends at 10:00.
Harold Krenshaw: It was a double session.
Adrian Monk: [whispers to Stottlemeyer] Dr. Kroger doesn't do double sessions anymore. I'm just telling you.
Harold Krenshaw: He made an exception for me. If you don't believe me, call him. Do you want his beeper number?
Adrian Monk: I have his beeper number, okay?
Harold Krenshaw: Well, if that doesn't work, try his cell phone.
Adrian Monk: He gave you his cell phone number?
Harold Krenshaw: Mmm-hmm.
Adrian Monk: That's a lie. He's lying, Captain.
Harold Krenshaw: Hmm.
Adrian Monk: 'Cause Dr. Kroger would never give anybody his cell phone number, ever. Not ever.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, I really don't care.
Harold Krenshaw: I've been to his home.
Adrian Monk: Have you no shame?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Excuse me. A man died today.
Harold Krenshaw: I met his daughter.
Adrian Monk: Liar! Liar!

Adrian Monk: Captain, captain, it's not me, is it? Am I? Just tell me, am l... Am I that guy? Am l am I that far gone?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Relax, Monk, you are completely different. You put the chocolate doughnuts in the middle, which makes perfect sense, because that way the different groups are together.
Adrian Monk: Exactly! That's all I'm saying.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And he put the chocolate donuts on either end, which j-just isn't as good, because that way, they're they're separated.
Adrian Monk: Hello!
Captain Stottlemeyer: No comparison.
Adrian Monk: I told you. He will he will drive you crazy.
Lieutenant Disher: So, is he the guy?
Adrian Monk: Uh, no. I wish he was, but he's not the guy. He never would have misspelled Natalie's name on the note.
Captain Stottlemeyer: How do you know?
Adrian Monk: Because... Because I wouldn't have.

Natalie: Hmm, brings back memories, huh?
Adrian Monk: Yeah. But what are you gonna do?
Natalie: I used to love tetherball.
Adrian Monk: It wasn't really my game.
Natalie: What was your game, Mr. Monk?
Adrian Monk: Keep-away. I played a lot of keep-away.
Natalie: Keep-away?
Adrian Monk: I was usually the jumper. That was my position. It was good exercise, too. The ball was movin' around... Cardiovascular. Jump. Now, now! Jump! Oh, this kid's timing is way off. It's all about timing. Now, now he's crying? I usually started crying a lot earlier. But everybody's got a different style.
Natalie: You played this a lot?
Adrian Monk: All through high school. Some college. Got pretty good at it. The secret to keep-away is you have to have a lot of other hats at home, and not get too attached to any of them. It was a good match.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay. We need to sweep the campaign office for explosives every morning.
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I want a lockdown. Two uniforms, round the clock. Even when she's not there.
Lieutenant Disher: Yes, sir.
Captain Stottlemeyer: And I am assigning you a bodyguard. Lieutenant, thank you for volunteering.
Natalie: He's my bodyguard?
Captain Stottlemeyer: 24-7.
Natalie: I'm still not droppin' out.

Moderator: Next, we'll hear from her opponent, Mr. Harold Krenshaw.
Harold Krenshaw: Hello. I'm Harold Krenshaw. You all know me. You know where I stand. Reduce the budget, lower taxes. If that means consolidating a few of our schools, then that's what we have to do. Yeah.
Moderator: Okay. Who has the first question? Please state your name.
Adrian Monk: My name is Adrian Monk. Uh, my question is for Mr. Krenshaw. Mr. Krenshaw, during this campaign, you have made a number of statements. I wonder if you might be able to substantiate one of those statements for us right now. You said that you have been to Dr. Kroger's house.
Natalie: Oh, God.
Harold Krenshaw: That's right.
Adrian Monk: In fact, I believe you said that you had Christmas dinner with him last year.
Harold Krenshaw: Yeah.
Adrian Monk: But Dr. Kroger is Jewish. He doesn't celebrate Christmas, does he, Mr. Krenshaw?
Harold Krenshaw: His first wife, Alisha, was Jewish. But Madeline, his fiancee, is Irish Catholic. They celebrate both.
Adrian Monk: His fiancee?
Harold Krenshaw: Yeah. I introduced them.
Adrian Monk: That is a lie. Dr. Kroger never said anything to me about a fiancee. Let me repeat that for you. Dr.
Kroger never said anything to me about a fiancee.
Harold Krenshaw: Go to hell, Monk.
Adrian Monk: You- You can go to hell. You go to hell!
Harold Krenshaw: You! You!
Moderator: Okay. Thank you. Natalie, you have 30 seconds for rebuttal.
Natalie: Uh, l I don't know where Dr. Kroger is this evening, but our prayers are with him.

Reporter: Hello. Uh, I'm with the Fairfield Eagle. We're doing a story on the election. Why did you decide to volunteer?
Adrian Monk: I'm not a volunteer. I'm her boss.
Reporter: That's an interesting angle. Not every boss would allow his employee time off to run for office.
Adrian Monk: Well, I didn't have a choice. She just said she was doing it.
Reporter: Now, what do you think is the most important issue in this campaign?
Adrian Monk: For me, there's really only one issue here. If Natalie wins, who will take care of me? No, I'm asking you. Who? Do you know? No.
Reporter: No, sorry.

Adrian Monk: Where did you find them?
Natalie: They heard about the shooting and wanted to help.
Captain Stottlemeyer: I can't protect you out here. There are too many rooftops, too many windows.
Natalie: That's a risk I'm willing to take. Thank you.
Adrian Monk: You have to think about Julie.
Natalie: I am thinking about Julie, Mr. Monk. More than you know.

Natalie: I'm not quitting.
Adrian Monk: Natalie, look. We- We- We don't know who this guy is. We don't know what's going on.
Natalie: Then figure it out, Mr. Brilliant Detective, figure it out, because I'm not quitting. I can't quit.
Adrian Monk: Of course you can! [notices picture of Mitch] I see. You can't quit because Mitch was a hero.
Natalie: You don't understand. I can't quit because Mitch wasn't a hero. Close the door. What I'm about to tell you dies with you. Do you understand?
Adrian Monk: Okay.
Natalie: My husband and two crewmembers were shot down over Kosovo in 1998. They crash-landed behind enemy lines. Mitch didn't make it out. But they rescued the other crewmembers. And when they got back, they said They said he panicked. They said that after the crash, he ran off with the radio and all their supplies. They said he was a coward.
Adrian Monk: Oh, my God.
Natalie: And the Navy can't prove their version of the story, but it's in the record. It's in a file somewhere.
Adrian Monk: Natalie.
Natalie: I don't know what the real story is. But all I know is some day, Julie is going to start asking questions about her father. He's not here. But I'm here. I'm all she has. I can't be a coward, too.