Gail Fleming: Okay, I got one!
Sharona: It's a movie. Uh, six words.
Adrian Monk: The Man Who Came to Dinner.
Gail Fleming: How did you know that?
Adrian Monk: It's a movie about a houseguest who wouldn't leave. Six words. You were looking at me.

Sharona: Uh, Adrian, listen. Now that you're home, there's something we have to talk about.
Adrian Monk: Uh-oh.
Sharona: I haven't been paid since the earthquake.
Adrian Monk: Are you sure?
Sharona: Yeah. It's been three weeks. Here's your checkbook.
Adrian Monk: [speaks gibberish]
Sharona: That's not funny.
Adrian Monk: [speaks gibberish]
Sharona: Okay, will ya stop it? You owe me money.
Adrian Monk: [speaks gibberish]
Sharona: I know you're faking it.
Adrian Monk: I'm not faking it!
Sharona: You just spoke English!

Sharona: Gail, remember when I went out to visit Mom when she broke her wrist?
Gail Fleming: Yeah.
Sharona: And remember you said that you owe me big time?
Gail Fleming: Mm.
Sharona: Remember?
Gail Fleming: [sees Monk waiting behind a lamppost] Oh, no.
Sharona: I swear. I swear. He's gonna be good. Come on! Come on. You know, he's not as bad as he was. He's just freaked out about this earthquake. I can't leave him alone.
Gail Fleming: I guess he can sleep on the couch.
Sharona: Well, actually he's gonna need the guest room. He doesn't sleep on couches.

Darryl Wright: Benjy, it's my turn. You take it.
Benjy: Okay.
Darryl Wright: Off you go. A fast game is a good game.
Benjy: Um...
Sharona: It's a movie.
Adrian Monk: Spider-Man.
Benjy: He's right.
Adrian Monk: Well, he's seen he's seen the movie 20 times, and he was just reading the comic, so I figured...
Sharona: He's 11 years old. Let him have fun.

Benjy: [knocking] Mr. Monk? Mr. Monk, are you in there?
Adrian Monk: Don't come in. I'm taking a bath.
Gail Fleming: Are you taking a bath in mineral water?
Adrian Monk: Uh, the tap water was a little rusty.
Gail Fleming: Well, enjoy it because that bath is costing me $95.
Adrian Monk: Okay. Thank you.

Gail Fleming: Oh, hi. Can I, um... Can I help you?
Lieutenant Disher: Good afternoon. I'm Lieutenant Disher, San Francisco Police. I need to speak to Adrian Monk.
Gail Fleming: Oh, uh, he's in the bathroom right now washing up.
Lieutenant Disher: That would be Monk.

Sharona: Adrian, I have to tell you I'm very impressed. I mean, I thought you'd be a basket case. Everything's broken. Where were you when it happened?
Adrian Monk: [speaks gibberish]
Sharona: What?
Adrian Monk: [repeats gibberish] [speaks gibberish]
Sharona: Are you okay?
Adrian Monk: [speaks angrily in gibberish]
Sharona: Adrian, you're not speaking English. You know that, right?
Adrian Monk: [speaks gibberish]

Adrian Monk: [speaks gibberish]
Sharona: Oh, she'll be all right. What are you doing?
Adrian Monk: [speaks gibberish]... Not right about this room.
Sharona: Adrian, you can talk!
Adrian Monk: Of course I can talk. What is wrong with you?
Sharona: Nothing is wrong with me.

Sharona: I guess we're gonna have to find a hotel.
Darryl Wright: Good luck. I've been calling all morning. There's nary a room left in the whole city.
Sharona: "Nary a room"?
Darryl Wright: That's what I said.
Sharona: Well, we can always stay at Aunt Gail's.
Benjy: Why can't we stay at Mr. Monk's?
Sharona: Because I will go crazy slower at Aunt Gail's.

Gail Fleming: I just talked to Mom. She's freakin' out. She heard some guy on CNN talk about aftershocks. I could not get her off the phone.
Sharona: You should get caller I.D.
Gail Fleming: I have caller I.D. I had it before you.
Sharona: No, you didn't. I told you about caller I.D.
Gail Fleming: What?
Sharona: I had caller I.D. when I lived in Valencia. Remember, you came over and I showed you how it worked?
Gail Fleming: I had caller I.D. when I was living with Lenny in Seattle.
Sharona: Okay, you never told me that.
Gail Fleming: I know. I was avoiding your calls.