Malcolm in the Middle Quotes
- Episodes
- Season 1
- Season 2
- Season 3
- Season 4
- Season 5
- Season 6
- 601 Reese Comes Home: Part 3
- 602 Buseys Run Away
- 603 Standee
- 604 Pearl Harbor
- 605 Kitty's Back
- 606 Hal's Christmas Gift
- 607 Hal Sleepwalks
- 608 Lois Battles Jamie
- 609 Malcolm's Car
- 610 Billboard
- 611 Dewey's Opera
- 612 Living Will
- 613 Tiki Lounge
- 614 Ida Loses a Leg
- 615 Chad's Sleepover
- 616 No Motorcycles
- 617 Butterflies
- 618 Ida's Dance
- 619 Motivational Speaker
- 620 Stilts
- 621 Buseys Take a Hostage
- 622 Mrs. Tri-County
- Season 7
Malcolm in the Middle
As if coping with his dysfunctional family wasn't difficult enough for boy genius Malcolm, his social life is turned upside down when he's sent to the gifted class at school. At home, Malcolm battles with his no-nonsense mother, Lois. Malcolm's father, Hal, is a loving dad who's stuck in a dead-end corporate job. Malcolm is at turns getting into trouble or on the receiving end of it from his cruel older brother, Reese. Both Malcolm and Reese are fond of tormenting their curious younger brother, Dewey. And of course Malcolm's favorite brother, Francis, was sent off to military school.
Starring:
Frankie Muniz, Jane Kaczmarek, Bryan Cranston, Christopher Kennedy Masterson, Justin Berfield, Erik Per Sullivan, Craig Lamar Traylor, David Anthony Higgins.
Recurring Actors:
Emy Coligado, Cloris Leachman, Gary Anthony Williams, Daniel von Bargen, Chris Eigeman, Kenneth Mars, Meagen Fay, Evan Matthew Cohen, Kyle Sullivan, Tania Raymonde, Hayden Panettiere.
Original Run: 2000-2006.
Quote of the Day
Quote from Malcolm in Malcolm Dates a Family
Malcolm: Isn't it great when the girl asks the... [gasps] Angela. I totally forgot. Oh, man, I've got two dates to the Spring Dance. It's sort of like that old episode of... well, every show. If you think about it, it's actually a pretty interesting challenge. [Stevie's wheel gets stuck] I mean, Urkel did pretty well with the identical cousin trick until he got greedy and made himself a duke. And Potsie doesn't count because one of his turned out to be a dude. Stevie, are you even listening to me?
Stevie: Two girls... ...two families. I don't have... two lungs!
Malcolm: What does that have to do with...
Stevie: People with... your luck... aren't allowed... to be creeps. Just... choose!
Malcolm: Yeah, all right. [walks off and leaves Stevie stuck]
Popular Quotes
Hal: I have Kobe beef.
Reese: No way.
Hal: Yes!
Reese: That's like $60 an ounce.
Hal: I know. I won it in a Minesweeper tournament at work. Years of practicing eight hours a day has finally paid off.
Quote from Dewey in Goodbye Kitty
Dewey: Mom, I have a proposal for you. Now, before you start poking holes in it, I'd like you to hear me out. All I want is no more school and no more big boy clothes. I'd liked to be bathed and rocked before I go to sleep and have all my food mashed up. In return, I'll be adorable and...
Lois: Are you wearing a diaper?
Dewey: I want you to know my level of commitment. [clenches face]
Lois: [o.s.] Oh, my God!
Quote from Reese in Baby: Part 2
Fran: When your milk duct is blocked, it's called mastitis. It's important that you let your baby suck the obstruction out of the breast, and don't be alarmed if the baby then vomits up a cottage cheese-type substance. Now, join me over here...
Dewey: Like I needed another reason to hate cottage cheese.
Reese: I've been kind of zoning in and out here, but did she just say milk comes out of those things?
Malcolm: Reese, that's what they're for.
Reese: My God! Women are the cows of people!
Trending Quotes
Quote from Malcolm in Halloween
Hal: Shouldn't you be in bed?
Malcolm: I got sick of lying there, so I thought I'd look on the Internet for stuff about the murders. I got police reports, crime photos, newspaper articles... There's a ton of stuff.
Hal: Really?
Malcolm: The guy's name was Gareth Stringer. Normal guy, Scout master, everybody loved him. So, one day, out of nowhere, he comes home from work and murders his entire family. They say he lived here with five headless bodies for a week before he finally killed himself.
Hal: For a whole week, huh?
Malcolm: That's where the wife's body was found. [Hal whimpers and moves] He put all the tongues in a pile right there. [Hal moves every time Malcolm points to another location] So I guess that must have been skin wall. And that was hair corner. Over there were... finger puppets?! Oh, finger puppets. Wow, the really freaky stuff happened in the kitchen. Oh, and in the bathroom and the bedrooms, too.
Hal: Malcolm, is there any place in this house where bloody pieces of dismembered bodies weren't found?
Malcolm: Well... Yes. Right there.
Hal: Right here?
Malcolm: That's where they all begged for mercy. [Hal whimpers]