Trending ‘Malcolm in the Middle’ Quotes

Quote from Lois in Block Party

Malcolm: Enjoy it?! Doesn't anyone besides me get it? The whole neighborhood hates us. So much that they throw a giant celebration just because we're gone.
Lois: Malcolm, that's not news. I'm just surprised they're so organized.
Malcolm: It doesn't bother you that everyone despises us?
Lois: No. These people need somebody to be mad at. Having us to hate gives the whole neighborhood something to bond over.
Hal: Your mother's right, son. Communities seek out a common enemy. If it wasn't us, they'd all team up against someone else. Probably a minority.
Lois: Malcolm, you can't spend your whole life worrying about what people think about you. They'll like you, they'll hate you, they'll think whatever they want to think, and then you die.
Malcolm: Is that supposed to cheer me up?
Lois: I don't know why you need cheering up. You are a teenage boy with a block party right outside his door. Now, you can stay in here and sulk if you want to, but your father and I are gonna go have a good time.
Hal: Come on, honey. Oh, my God, it's a lawnmower parade.


Quote from Lois in Reese's Apartment

Malcolm: This football player wants to use an essay I wrote for his college application and pretend it's his own. I know it's dishonest, but I might be making too much of it. I wanted to get your advice.
Lois: You're hoping I can help you.
Malcolm: Yeah, I just said that. So, I don't think he should get into college under false pretenses, but are they really false pretenses if nobody thinks he's smart anyway? I don't want to be a part of his cheating, but I also don't want to take away his shot at going to college. I just don't know what to do.
Lois: You're uncertain... what action to take.
Malcolm: Yes! Why are you talking like a robot?
Lois: You want to know why I'm... talking like a robot.
Malcolm: I have a problem, and I need your help! All you're doing is mindlessly parroting back what I say!
Lois: You say one thing, and I restate it.
Malcolm: Forget it! If you're not going to help me, you don't have to mock me! [exits]
Lois: [to herself] We do not come from a family of criminals. You do not let him turn in that essay! [sighs] God, I knew listening to our kids would be a mistake.