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‘Billboard’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Malcolm in the Middle: Billboard

610. Billboard

Aired February 13, 2005

When Lois catches the boys vandalizing a billboard for a strip club, they are too afraid to come down from the platform.

Quote from Malcolm

[Malcolm stands in front of the vandalized billboard which now has a speech bubble containing "I WANT RESPECT"]
Malcolm: We can't come down because we are protesting this offensive depiction of women!
Lois: What?!
Reese: What?
Malcolm: We've come up here to make a difference in the world!
Reese: Yeah!
Malcolm: To speak for women like this one who can't speak for themselves!
Reese: Yeah, because they're billboards!
Malcolm: Shut up. We're not coming down until women everywhere get the respect they deserve! No matter how long it takes, we're staying up here!
Lois: Oh, for the love of God. I don't know who you think you're fooling.

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Quote from Reese

Lois: Oh, my God!
Dewey: Did you hear something?
Lois: What are you boys doing up there?
Malcolm: It's Mom!
Dewey: How'd she know where to find us?
Reese: I told you she's got tracking devices in our fillings! If you two geniuses had ripped them out like I did, we wouldn't be in this mess!

Quote from Lois

Lois: I am their mother, and I say this has gone on long enough! Don't you have snipers with tranquilizer guns or a giant net?! What do I pay taxes for?!

Quote from Lois

Lois: Excuse me, I have something to say. [to the news cameras] I want the world to know how proud I am of my boys for making this statement, despite the wind and the cold and little Dewey's medical condition. And I want to thank the Police Commissioner for letting my son stay up there, even if it means rolling the dice on a diabetic coma. It's nice to see someone who cares about principles more than they care about the life of a little boy.
Police Commissioner: [to the police officer] Get 'em down.
[Dewey wakes up to a police officer rising to the platform on a cherry picker]
Dewey: Malcolm! Reese!
Malcolm: Oh, my God!
Police Commissioner: We'll have you in your mother's arms in a minute, little Dewey!
[Dewey tries to grab hold of the stripper's cleavage as he clings to the billboard]
Dewey: No!

Quote from Hal

Reese: What are you doing?
Lois: Saving your minds from turning into mush. You've been sitting on that couch watching TV for hours.
Malcolm: So what? There's nothing else to do.
Dewey: There's never anything to do around here.
Lois: Because you have no imaginations, because you sit in front of that idiot box all day long.
Hal: Your mother's right. It's a sad day when three healthy boys can't think of anything to do with a beautiful Saturday. You could take a walk. You could roll a hoop. You can start a rock collection. There. That's three ideas in five seconds. I hope you're embarrassed.
Lois: You boys have no idea how lucky you are. The day will come where you won't be able to complain about having nothing to do.
Hal: That's right. You'll have responsibilities and a career and children. And then you'll ask yourself, "Hey, where's my boredom now?"

Quote from Reese

Dewey: Maybe she didn't see us.
Lois: Reese, Malcolm, Dewey! You get down here this instant!
Reese: [foreign accent] Missus, I don't know who you are thinking we are. Your boys are very different boys than we are being. [billboard lights come on]
Dewey: Oh, no!
Reese: Where's the back door on this thing?
Malcolm: It's a billboard!
Dewey: We are so dead! This time she'll finish us! What are we gonna do?!
Reese: Oh, God! Oh, God! Why do billboards have to be so visible?

Quote from Malcolm

Lois: [on the phone] Before you say anything, I want you to listen carefully. There are a couple ways we can handle this. If you come down right now, I can go as low as three weeks in your room. If there's no more trouble, you get two meals a day and enough light to read by. You should think about this very carefully, but you've only got ten minutes until this offer expires. Then all bets are off. [hangs up]
Reese: Oh, my God.
Dewey: I know.
Malcolm: She's negotiating. She's never negotiated anything before.
Reese: We found a weakness. All these people and the TV cameras. She must be scared.
Malcolm: I didn't think this was possible.
Dewey: Suddenly, she looks so small.
Malcolm: People, the battle before us may be long, but we will not stop until we end the oppression! Women of the world... Unite! [crowd cheers]

Quote from Malcolm

Dewey: Why do you get the one with the cherry?
Reese: I just grabbed one. I don't care.
Dewey: If you don't care, then let me have it.
Reese: I already took it.
Malcolm: Hey, I'm here, too. I want the cherry.
Reese: You always do this. You only want it because I have it.
Malcolm: I don't care what you have. Reese, you're not the center of everything- Wait. Why would they only put a cherry on one cupcake? This is Mom. [loudly] There may be those who will try to drive a wedge between us. But if we learn nothing else tonight, we will learn to stand together! [crowd cheers] [Malcolm drops the cherry off the platform]
Lois: Damn it.

Quote from Reese

Reese: Hey! Hey, everybody! You can take us down, but first I have something to say. I realized something up here. This woman is beautiful, she's sexy, and perfect and gigantic, but you know what? She isn't real. If she was real, she'd be different. I know that if I was real, I'd want people to listen to me. I'd want people to care about what I think and not ignore me. I guess what these protesters are trying to say is, that women - real women - aren't that different from regular people. They want the same things that men want. Only men don't have to hold a big protest to get them. And women shouldn't have to either. [smattering of applause]

Quote from Reese

Hal: Oh, my God.
Lois: What?
Hal: Did you see this? Look what Jamie wrote.
Lois: Oh, my God.
Hal: He knows his letters. There are actual words here. I mean, it's crude, and it's not clear what he's communicating, but Jamie is a genius.
Reese: There's my homework! [off their looks] What? I do my homework once in a while.

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