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Reese Drives

‘Reese Drives’

Season 3, Episode 13 -  Aired February 10, 2002

Reese is excited to finally be old enough to get his learner's permit. Craig asks Malcolm to set up his home entertainment system. Meanwhile, Francis digs himself into a hole by bartering services he can't afford.

Quote from Hal

Reese: Remember, Dad, you're picking me up from school to take me to the DMV.
Hal: I wouldn't miss it, son. [quietly to Lois] Dear God, what are we gonna do?
Lois: What can we do? He hasn't done anything wrong.
Hal: Oh, please, it's Reese! We just haven't looked hard enough.
Lois: Hal, we're gonna have to face it, that kid is gonna be mobile.
Hal: Reese surrounded by six thousand pounds of steel and 20 gallons of explosive fuel?! It's like giving a shark a sub-machine gun!


Quote from Reese

Reese: Dad, you sent the check to the driving school, right?
Hal: Yes, Reese.
Reese: You're sure you signed it, right? It's not gonna bounce or anything?
Hal: Everything is fine, Reese. Just go there straight after school tomorrow.
Reese: You guys are the best! I promise when you're old and crazy, I'll drive to the home and visit you. [like talking to a child] Maybe we can go for a drive round the park. Would you like that?
Lois: I can't wait.

Quote from Craig

Craig: I lied because I needed your help. I finally got my insurance settlement. This receiver works at both SRS 5.1 and DTS. Uni-directional subwoofer for surround sound, progressive-scan DVD player. Plays both AIFF and MP3/4 on either CDs or CDRs. I figured you'd be comfortable with this level of electronics. I mean, the guys at the store couldn't find the graphic equalisers with two hands and a flashlight.
Malcolm: You dragged me over here to hook up your stereo? Can't you get one of your friends to help you do this?
Craig: ... And tick off the other friends I didn't ask? Malcolm, this goes far beyond just a stereo. This is going to be the greatest entertainment center ever. Have you ever wanted to be the best at something? Not just good, I don't mean great, I mean the absolute best?
Malcolm: I don't know.
Craig: Well, I have. Ever since I was a kid watching Land of the Lost on my tiny black and white six inch. I knew there'd be a day, a day when I could create my high-def universe. A magical realm where fantasy and technology intersect on my every whim because I'm the King.
Malcolm: So your lifelong dream was to become the world's best TV watcher?
Craig: Yeah.
Malcolm: I'm in!

Quote from Lois

Lois: Just get him on the phone and let me handle this. I'm the only one who knows how.
Police Officer: Trust me, we have it under control.
Lois: Don't think I don't know what's gonna happen! You're gonna do your standard police thing and my son is gonna get killed in a hail of gunfure.
Police Officer: Ma'am, that almost never happens.
Lois: Just get him on the phone!

Quote from Reese

Jackie: Reese, that was amazing!
Reese: [gets out of the car] Listen, when the kids at school ask you about this, tell them I got under your bra. [Reese is tackled by police officers]

Quote from Reese

Reese: Awesome dinner, Mom! Those are the best fish sticks I've ever had! Seriously, I don't know how you do it.
Lois: The microwave.
Reese: But for the perfect amount of time. Well, I'd better clear my plate and get started my homework.
Malcolm: [to camera] At first, I thought he was sick, but tomorrow he's old enough to get his learner's permit. He's on his best behavior until after he passes the test.
Reese: Can I get anyone a nice cup of peppermint tea? Helps digestion.
Malcolm: [to camera] Mom and Dad have been looking for any excuse to ground him, but he hasn't screwed up once in, like, three weeks. It's actually getting kinda boring.
[Reese screams as Dewey stabs his leg with a fork. As Reese goes to punch Dewey, Hal and Lois turn around. Reese instead strokes his brother's hair.]
Dewey: Didn't think so.

Quote from Reese

Reese: I've been waiting for this my whole life! Once I'm driving, everything changes. All I have to do is stay out of trouble for the next 16 hours and I'm home free!
[Malcolm has tied Reese to his bed]
Malcolm: How's that?
Reese: A little tighter on this side.
Malcolm: OK, you're all set.
Reese: Now, remember, do not untie me until the morning, no matter what I say or how much I beg.
Malcolm: Got it.
Reese: Uh-oh, I gotta go to the bathroom.
Malcolm: Too bad.
Reese: Just testing. Thanks, buddy.

Quote from Dewey

[After Dewey finishes filling a sack of toys, he climbs on top of the bed that Reese is tied to:]
Dewey: Hi.
Reese: Dewey, I am warning you, if you even touch me, you can forget about me driving you anywhere for the rest of your life!
Dewey: I have nowhere to go.

Quote from Reese

Reese: I did it, I did it.
Malcolm: You passed the test?
Reese: I aced it!
Lois: You got five wrong.
Reese: Yeah, but I got eleven right. And that's good enough for my learner's permit. Man, if the DMV was running my school, I'd be, like, a C student!

Quote from Lois

Lois: Just let me talk to him and I can end this in five minutes!
Police Officer: I'm sorry, ma'am, I don't think that's a good idea. We have trained psychologists to handle kids in these situations. We know how they think.
Lois: Think?! My son doesn't think! He's just driving around in circles. He's made three laps around the city already!
Hal: There's our dry-cleaner again.

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