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‘Polly in the Middle’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

Malcolm in the Middle: Polly in the Middle

517. Polly in the Middle

Aired April 25, 2004

Hal and Lois set their babysitter Polly up with Abe and Craig. Meanwhile, Malcolm is annoyed by Dewey's insistence he has a "lucky" shirt.

Quote from Stevie

Malcolm: [to camera] Since Stevie's mom deserted him, he's been living a little more dangerously. Yesterday he read a book in dim light. Now he's making his first prank phone call.
Stevie: [on the phone] Hello... is your... refrigerator... Yeah... it's me.

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Quote from Abe

Hal: So, Abe, how's the divorce going?
Abe: It's a nightmare, Hal. Kitty is out of control. She wears these outrageous miniskirts to court, flirts with the judge...
Hal: What did your lawyer do?
Abe: He asked me if she could sit at our table.
Hal: Whoa. You know, Abe, it's been a while. Maybe you should think about getting out there again.
Abe: Oh, I've taken care of that. I've decided to spend the rest of my life in misery and die alone.

Quote from Malcolm

Malcolm: It's not a lucky shirt.
Reese: You shouldn't criticize things you're not equipped to understand, Malcolm.
Malcolm: It's a shirt. It's just fabric. There's nothing in there but atoms.
Reese: Luck atoms.
Malcolm: There are no luck atoms.
Reese: Everyone has some kind of luck, Malcolm. Like you, you're lucky at taking tests.
Malcolm: I bust my ass to get good grades.
Dewey: Why does my lucky shirt make you so mad?
Malcolm: Because believing in that kind of nonsense isn't smart or healthy or good for society. The world doesn't work by magic or superstition. It's rational.
Dewey: Maybe you believe that because all you're good at is thinking, and if the world isn't logical then you're lost.
Malcolm: Okay, fine. You know what, Dewey, luck this.
[When Malcolm throws a baseball at Dewey, it hits and the wall and bounces back into his own nether regions. ]
Malcolm: [gasps] This... proves nothing.

Quote from Abe

Abe: Oh, my God. That woman fell out of the sexy tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Hal: Abe, you dog. Why don't you ask her out?
Abe: Oh, no, no, no, I couldn't. To be honest, I didn't even ask Kitty out. My dad asked her dad, and we gave her family a ham.

Quote from Hal

Polly: Thanks so much for inviting me. I really needed something to take my mind off of my love life.
Hal: Well, that's why God invented baseball. And war.

Quote from Reese

Malcolm: What are you doing?
Reese: Playing with ants. [holds magnifying glass above ants] Looking for a little picnic, huh? Looks like you've come to the wrong place.
Malcolm: There's one on your hand.
Reese: Ha, ha... [holds magnifying glass above hand] He's got a little surprise coming. Stupid ant.

Quote from Dewey

Dewey: It's not in there either. I can't find my lucky shirt.
Malcolm: Your what?
Dewey: My lucky shirt. The shirt that gives me good luck. I wear it and I'm lucky.
Malcolm: Lucky shirt. You ever hear anything so stupid?
Stevie: You're asking me... about luck?
Dewey: Here it is! That's better. I don't know what I would've done without my lucky shirt.
Malcolm: It's not a lucky shirt.
Dewey: Hey, look. An M&M. [eats candy from the floor]

Quote from Hal

Abe: But maybe you could ask her for me.
Hal: No. I don't do that anymore. My setups have a way of not working out.
Abe: You just told me I should get out there and now you're crushing my dreams.
Hal: Abe, you read about the guy who woke up in a tub full of ice with his kidney gone? One of my setups. And I had a really good feeling about that one.
Abe: Please. I need this.
Hal: Oh, all right. But I'm warning you, I have a really good feeling about this one, too.

Quote from Abe

Abe: And after the movie we took off our shoes and walked barefoot through the mall. I tell you, Hal, I feel like a new man. Yesterday I was watching a Pepe LePew cartoon and I thought, "So he doesn't get the cat.
Is that anything to cry over?"
Hal: Wow. That is a real breakthrough, Abe.
Abe: I'm definitely going to see her again.
Hal: Well, she's here tomorrow. I'll ask her...
Abe: No, no, I already asked her out. Myself. It was amazing. I was like some magnificent beast. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to add my own fabric softener.

Quote from Piama

Piama: Francis, look at this Visa bill. What did we say about expenditures over $100?
Francis: I needed a new hat.
Piama: Give me your card.
Francis: Piama, this is stupid.
Piama: Give me your card.

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