Malcolm: Are you excited about this Courtesy Award?
Stevie: I'll need... your help... with my... acceptance speech. There are... so many... people to... thank.
Malcolm: Have you thought about a blanket thank you?
Stevie: I have... a plan.

Reese: Oh, my god. This is so cool. Did you know that underneath your skin, there's more skin? Why have I always been so careful?

Abe: Thank you so much for letting us be a part of Dewey's birthday. You enjoying your special day, son?
Dewey: I expect nothing and I'm still let down.

Reese: You guys have to see this. You know how you thought I would never do anything with my life? Well, prepare to be blown away. I'm going for the full body, head to toe. One continuous skin. It'll be the greatest thing ever.
Lois: Reese, get that off my chair, and get out of here. We're discussing something important.
Reese: Fine. You're not getting one dime of the film rights.

Frank Ralston: Well, the best part is yet to come. So, let us give a warm, courtesy welcome, to this year's gallant. No goof is he. Our own Stevie Kenarban. [cheers and applause]
Stevie: [on tape] Ladies and gentlemen, friends and family, esteemed colleagues of courtesy, you honor me. But I can't let this occasion pass without remarking that you all..." Blow. Blow. Blow. Blow. It means so much and requires so little to take a moment to... Kiss. My. Butt. [crowd gasps] In conclusion, I feel the evening would be incomplete without telling that world that I am actually... A. Lady. Thank you. Go. To. Hell.
Hal: He can talk! He's cured!

Stevie: Most of all... I'd like... to thank... my father.
Malcolm: Got it.
[As Malcolm plays back a recording of Stevie with all the pauses removed, Stevie mimes the speech]
Stevie: [on tape] Ladies and gentlemen, friends and family. Esteemed colleagues of courtesy who honor me, but I can't let this occasion pass without remarking that you all share this award. Tonight helped me raise a better partiality as we strike a blow for stability. As we kiss rudeness goodbye, and wish it well. And furth-

Malcolm: Reese, we're working on Stevie's speech.
Reese: I'm at a critical juncture, here. I've hit a mole, and I'm trying to decide whether I should work around it, or try to dig it out. The roots are pretty shallow.
Malcolm: That's grotesque, Reese.
Reese: You don't understand the important work I'm doing here, Malcolm. I'm creating a new Reese. Shedding my old life. That's how snakes live forever.
Malcolm: You're an idiot.

Lois: I hope you like your present, honey. You know, birthdays are going to be a little thin around here until we get back on our feet.
Dewey: No, I love my "Quarters of America".
Hal: You see, we started you out with California and the Maine. Oops, these are both Maine. Well, guess you won't be needing this one.

Francis: You need another roll in there, Dewey?
Dewey: [o.s.] Shut up!
Francis: I'm really sorry. I got carried away. I just... I missed you guys. And let's face it, torture and humiliation are the only ways we have ever known to say we love each other.
Dewey: You know you're only making yourself feel better.
Francis: Okay, okay. I want to give you something, Dewey. Something special. I've never even told Reese or Malcolm about it. It's like the ultimate defense against Mom and Dad. It's totally bullet-proof.
Dewey: I'm listening.
Francis: In Mom and Dad's bedroom, on the nightstand next to Mom's side is a big vanilla candle, have you seen it?
Dewey: Yeah.
Francis: Mom and Dad like to use that candle, when they, uh... lock their door and do grownup stuff.
Dewey: You mean sex?
Francis: I'm afraid so. Now it's gotten to the point that every time that candle is lit, all they can think about is... going back to their room. I have never seen it miss.
Dewey: [opens door] Wow. Thanks.
Francis: We are now Brothers of the Candle.
Dewey: Francis, you've got to stop that.

Lois: Reese, stop it. You're going to give yourself leprosy!