Malcolm in the Middle Quote of the Day
Sunday, August 7, 2022
Malcolm: My dad's fine. He's just taking some time off from work because he hates his job. You know, it's actually kind of got me thinking. What am I going to do when I grow up?
Eraserhead: You mean you don't have a plan in place?
Lloyd: That's okay, Malcolm. I mean, it's not too... [sobs] Excuse me, allergies.
Malcolm: You guys already have your careers planned?
Dabney: You don't just luck into running a particle accelerator, you know.
Stevie: With my intelligence... and tokenism... the sky's... the limit.
Saturday, August 6, 2022
Dewey: Live, live, die. Live, live, live, live, die.
Hal: Hey, what happened to the judicial system presided over by a tribunal of wise elders?
Dewey: I had 'em lined up and shot.
Hal: Ah. You know, son, maybe you've been spending too much...
Dewey: Silence! Seize him!
Hal: All right, son, I think it's time you goose-stepped off to bed.
Dewey: Dad! You're embarrassing me in front of my men.
Friday, August 5, 2022
Malcolm: [trumpet plays] We're gathered here today to say good-bye to Jumpy Number Eight.
Malcolm: Nine. He was a good... Nine? Are you sure, nine? [Dewey nods] Anyway, he was a very good frog. And he led a very full life.
Reese: I remember when I stuck him in Mom's sun visor and she almost hit that lady in the crosswalk. It was hysterical.
Malcolm: Farewell, Jumpy Number Nine. We know you're going to a better place.
Dewey: [salutes] Bye, Jumpy.
[Hal lights the rocket to which Jumpy is taped, sending it up into the air with a pop]
Reese: May he rest in pieces.
Malcolm & Dewey: Amen.
Thursday, August 4, 2022
Francis: [on the phone] Hey, Mom, I need a favor.
Lois: Sure. Let's hear it.
Francis: Well, some of the other cadets are going in together on an old car and if I put in 100 bucks, I get the car every seventh weekend.
[Dewey opens his bedroom door and tentatively places one foot down. Lois doesn't even turn around.]
Lois: Get back in there!
Francis: I could take road trips and go on dates. I could drive underprivileged children to cultural stuff.
Lois: Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I really don't think we can afford this right now.
Francis: Of course. I knew you'd say that. Why do I even try? Now you can go to bed happy, knowing that you kept my life a living hell!
Wednesday, August 3, 2022
News Reporter: Over here we have the proud mother of these three young protesters. What do you want the nation to know about your boys?
Lois: No comment.
News Reporter: So you must be the father? Can we get some comment from you?
Hal: I... I don't know that I really want to sound off.
News Reporter: How do you account for your sons' extraordinary sensitivity to women's issues?
Hal: Well, Dinah, in our house we emphasize the rights of all people. I've tried to pass along what I like to call "core values." Equality, respect, compassion, nutrition. We have something called the Clean Plate Club.
Tuesday, August 2, 2022
Lois: Oh, with the boys asleep this house is so quiet!
Lois: Such a nice idea to build a fire.
Hal: Yeah. Hey, I didn't build a fire. I thought you built a fire.
[After Hal and Lois extinguish the fire, they comb through the charred evidence on the kitchen table as the boys stand behind them:]
Hal: Well, looks like Reese got a D in English. And Dewey seems to be fighting again.
Lois: Oh, Malcolm, tell your teacher I'd love to chaperone the class overnight. We can share a tent.
Monday, August 1, 2022
Hal: Mmm, I'm starving. What's for dinner?
Lois: Leftover parfait.
Malcolm: [to camera] It's even worse than it sounds! Once a week Mom cleans out the fridge. Anything that doesn't actually have something growing on it gets thrown in a casserole and served for dinner.
Reese: Did we have spaghetti or Chinese food on Thursday?
Lois: [to Hal] Ah, no digging!
Malcolm: Sunday, Saturday, Friday. It finally happened! The fifth level of this week's leftover parfait is last week's leftover parfait.
Monday, August 8, 2022
Tuesday, August 9, 2022
Wednesday, August 10, 2022
Thursday, August 11, 2022
Friday, August 12, 2022