Malcolm in the Middle Quote of the Day

Monday, June 24, 2024

Quote from Malcolm in Thanksgiving

Malcolm: Hey, party people.
Lois: Oh, my God, you're drunk! What on earth is wrong with you?
Malcolm: I will tell you what is wrong with me... on earth. The reason why I drank is because... I'm a coward, and probably gay. I let a perfect opportunity just slip right through my fingers, and, you know, I thought I'd cap it off by getting stinking drunk. What do you think of your golden boy now, Mom?
Lois: What "golden boy"?! Get in your room! I'll deal with you later.
Malcolm: I will go to my room when I am finished with what I have to say. [vomits into the turkey] [all groan]
Reese: Hey, come on. Some of the shrimp is still good.

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Recent Quotes

Sunday, June 23, 2024

Quote from Hal in Reese Cooks

Lois: You are not to step foot outside of this house except for school for the next month!
Reese: Okay.
Hal: Wait a minute, honey, he has to go outside. He's not done pulling weeds from his last punishment.
Lois: Oh, I think staying inside with no TV is worse than weeding.
Reese: I'm already banned from TV.
Lois: You are?
Hal: All right. Fine. No TV, no going outside except for weeding, which you'll do at night. Inside. Oh, I got nothing.

Saturday, June 22, 2024

Quote from Dewey in Goodbye Kitty

Dewey: This whole growing up thing's unfair. When you're born, everything's perfect, but before you know it, it all goes bad. Every day, you get a little less attention, you got to do more stuff, and they love you a little less.
Lois: No. That's just this family.

Friday, June 21, 2024

Quote from Reese in Ida's Dance

Malcolm: "F"?! I can't believe that goateed moron gave me an "F." "You obviously didn't even listen to the piece.
" I listened to it. You saw me.
Reese: You know, with the right kind of pen, you can turn that "F" into a "P."

Thursday, June 20, 2024

Quote from Francis in Baby: Part 1

Piama: I know it's your fifth child, but still, you must be a little excited.
Lois: Well, sure, every child is exciting. Not that you want to rush into something like that. Oh! Wow.
Francis: You okay?
Lois: The baby just started kicking like crazy. It's almost like something was upsetting... [Ida stands at the window] Mom!
Ida: Are you going to open the door or should I lie down in the grass and feed the worms?
Francis: Oh, great. Who opened the gates of hell?

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Quote from Hal in Reese Cooks

Reese: I thought you said we were trying something new.
Hal: That's right, we are.
Reese: So this isn't a punishment?
Hal: No. Why would you say that?
Reese: 'Cause you keep looking at me and saying stuff.
Hal: I am paying attention to you.
Reese: But, Dad, a cooking class?
Hal: Come on, Reese, open your mind. The art of cooking is as masculine as any of these other courses judo, riflery, kickboxing. Anyone can fight, but it takes a special man to craft a truly great Bolognese sauce.
Reese: I still feel like I'm in trouble.

Tuesday, June 18, 2024

Quote from Lois in Mrs. Tri-County

Phil: Okay, Lois, here's your question if you're ready. "How has motherhood kept you young?"
Lois: ... I'm sorry, but I have a problem with the question. Motherhood definitely does a lot of things, but the one thing it does not do is keep you young. Oh, my God, it ages you horribly. Youth is about having choices, but once you're a mother, you have no choices. You're stuck loving your children. You get gray hair loving them. You lose sleep loving them. You lose out on all those other things that you always thought you'd do. But even with all of that, the amazing thing is... you're okay with it. It's like some wonderful... curse. [Phil chuckles] [applause]
Hal: That was amazing. I don't know where you came up with that crap, but you nailed it.

Upcoming Quotes

Tuesday, June 25, 2024

A quote from Lois in the episode Lois Strikes Back.

Wednesday, June 26, 2024

A quote from Hal in the episode Jessica Stays Over.

Thursday, June 27, 2024

A quote from Francis in the episode Pilot.

Friday, June 28, 2024

A quote from Reese in the episode Butterflies.

Saturday, June 29, 2024

A quote from Dewey in the episode Water Park.