Malcolm in the Middle Quote of the Day
Saturday, June 10, 2023
Pizza Guy: That's $11.50.
Dewey: I gave all my cash to the video guy. Do you take credit cards?
Pizza Guy: Yeah.
Dewey: Is one enough?
Pizza Guy: Better make that two.
Dewey: Thank you.
Friday, June 9, 2023
Quote from Reese in Traffic Ticket
Reese: Just remember, Mom, in a world of lies, truth is your only weapon. [off everyone's looks] What? It's not?
Thursday, June 8, 2023
Hal: [answers phone] Hello.
Francis: Hey, Dad. I need a favor.
Hal: Let's hear it.
[Dewey sneaks into the kitchen and grabs a pack of chips from the kitchen before returning to his room]
Francis: Well, some of the other cadets are going in together on an old car, and if I put in $100 I get the car every seventh weekend. I could take road trips and go on dates. I could drive underprivileged children to cultural stuff.
Hal: Oh, come on, Francis. That's ridiculous. I'm not giving you the money to buy one-seventh of a piece of junk.
Francis: Okay. Just thought I'd ask. Later, Dad.
Wednesday, June 7, 2023
Quote from Hal in Malcolm Babysits
Hal: Hi, son. Didn't hear you drive up.
Malcolm: I decided to walk.
Hal: So, how's the job going?
Malcolm: They were jerks, so I quit.
Hal: Well, that's pretty much what work is. Welcome to the club.
Tuesday, June 6, 2023
Malcolm: [to camera] Once every six months, Mom wakes us up at 5 a.m., shoves us into the car and makes us go to the outlet stores.
Lois: I tell you, I am never disappointed in Value Village. No other place in the county has such a selection of irregulars.
Dewey: Are these made in some country where people aren't symmetrical?
Lois: Stop complaining. If it weren't for Value Village, most of this family would have to run around naked. That place is all that separates us from the apes.
Monday, June 5, 2023
Quote from Malcolm in Future Malcolm
[Reese is eating a jalapeno pepper as Malcolm reads the Guinness Book of World Records]
Reese: [groans] How many more for the record?
Malcolm: Two more tubs should do it. [to camera] There really isn't a category for eating jalapenos, but I think he's probably suffered enough. I'm going to tell him in a minute.
[cut to Malcolm dumping another bag of ice in Reese's bath:]
Malcolm: [to camera] I'm so close to telling him, honest.
[cut to Reese running into a wall:]
Reese: [yells] Ninty-seven.
Malcolm: [to camera] Really, I'm going to tell him.
Sunday, June 4, 2023
News Reporter: Over here we have the proud mother of these three young protesters. What do you want the nation to know about your boys?
Lois: No comment.
News Reporter: So you must be the father? Can we get some comment from you?
Hal: I... I don't know that I really want to sound off.
News Reporter: How do you account for your sons' extraordinary sensitivity to women's issues?
Hal: Well, Dinah, in our house we emphasize the rights of all people. I've tried to pass along what I like to call "core values." Equality, respect, compassion, nutrition. We have something called the Clean Plate Club.
Sunday, June 11, 2023
A quote from Craig in the episode Butterflies.
Monday, June 12, 2023
A quote from Malcolm in the episode Stupid Girl.
Tuesday, June 13, 2023
A quote from Lois in the episode Cliques.
Wednesday, June 14, 2023
A quote from Hal in the episode Reese's Apartment.
Thursday, June 15, 2023
A quote from Francis in the episode Family Reunion.