Malcolm in the Middle Quote of the Day

Sunday, August 7, 2022

Quote from Stevie in Hal Quits

Malcolm: My dad's fine. He's just taking some time off from work because he hates his job. You know, it's actually kind of got me thinking. What am I going to do when I grow up?
Eraserhead: You mean you don't have a plan in place?
Malcolm: No.
Lloyd: That's okay, Malcolm. I mean, it's not too... [sobs] Excuse me, allergies.
Malcolm: You guys already have your careers planned?
Dabney: You don't just luck into running a particle accelerator, you know.
Stevie: With my intelligence... and tokenism... the sky's... the limit.

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Recent Quotes

Saturday, August 6, 2022

Quote from Dewey in High School Play

Dewey: Live, live, die. Live, live, live, live, die.
Hal: Hey, what happened to the judicial system presided over by a tribunal of wise elders?
Dewey: I had 'em lined up and shot.
Hal: Ah. You know, son, maybe you've been spending too much...
Dewey: Silence! Seize him!
Hal: All right, son, I think it's time you goose-stepped off to bed.
Dewey: Dad! You're embarrassing me in front of my men.

Friday, August 5, 2022

Quote from Reese in Shame

Malcolm: [trumpet plays] We're gathered here today to say good-bye to Jumpy Number Eight.
Dewey: Nine.
Malcolm: Nine. He was a good... Nine? Are you sure, nine? [Dewey nods] Anyway, he was a very good frog. And he led a very full life.
Reese: I remember when I stuck him in Mom's sun visor and she almost hit that lady in the crosswalk. It was hysterical.
Malcolm: Farewell, Jumpy Number Nine. We know you're going to a better place.
Dewey: [salutes] Bye, Jumpy.
Malcolm: Dad?
[Hal lights the rocket to which Jumpy is taped, sending it up into the air with a pop]
Reese: May he rest in pieces.
Malcolm & Dewey: Amen.

Thursday, August 4, 2022

Quote from Francis in Bowling

Francis: [on the phone] Hey, Mom, I need a favor.
Lois: Sure. Let's hear it.
Francis: Well, some of the other cadets are going in together on an old car and if I put in 100 bucks, I get the car every seventh weekend.
[Dewey opens his bedroom door and tentatively places one foot down. Lois doesn't even turn around.]
Lois: Get back in there!
Francis: I could take road trips and go on dates. I could drive underprivileged children to cultural stuff.
Lois: Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I really don't think we can afford this right now.
Francis: Of course. I knew you'd say that. Why do I even try? Now you can go to bed happy, knowing that you kept my life a living hell!

Wednesday, August 3, 2022

Quote from Hal in Billboard

News Reporter: Over here we have the proud mother of these three young protesters. What do you want the nation to know about your boys?
Lois: No comment.
News Reporter: So you must be the father? Can we get some comment from you?
Hal: I... I don't know that I really want to sound off.
News Reporter: How do you account for your sons' extraordinary sensitivity to women's issues?
Hal: Well, Dinah, in our house we emphasize the rights of all people. I've tried to pass along what I like to call "core values." Equality, respect, compassion, nutrition. We have something called the Clean Plate Club.

Tuesday, August 2, 2022

Quote from Lois in Poker

Lois: Oh, with the boys asleep this house is so quiet!
Hal: Mm-hm.
Lois: Such a nice idea to build a fire.
Hal: Yeah. Hey, I didn't build a fire. I thought you built a fire.
[After Hal and Lois extinguish the fire, they comb through the charred evidence on the kitchen table as the boys stand behind them:]
Hal: Well, looks like Reese got a D in English. And Dewey seems to be fighting again.
Dewey: Biting.
Lois: Oh, Malcolm, tell your teacher I'd love to chaperone the class overnight. We can share a tent.

Monday, August 1, 2022

Quote from Malcolm in Lois' Makeover

Hal: Mmm, I'm starving. What's for dinner?
Lois: Leftover parfait.
Malcolm: [to camera] It's even worse than it sounds! Once a week Mom cleans out the fridge. Anything that doesn't actually have something growing on it gets thrown in a casserole and served for dinner.
Reese: Did we have spaghetti or Chinese food on Thursday?
Dewey: Neither.
Lois: [to Hal] Ah, no digging!
Malcolm: Sunday, Saturday, Friday. It finally happened! The fifth level of this week's leftover parfait is last week's leftover parfait.

Upcoming Quotes

Monday, August 8, 2022

A quote from Malcolm in the episode Ida Loses a Leg.

Tuesday, August 9, 2022

A quote from Lois in the episode Reese Drives.

Wednesday, August 10, 2022

A quote from Hal in the episode Reese Joins the Army: Part 1.

Thursday, August 11, 2022

A quote from Francis in the episode Boys at Ranch.

Friday, August 12, 2022

A quote from Reese in the episode Malcolm Defends Reese.