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‘Vegas’ Quotes Page 1 of 4    

Malcolm in the Middle: Vegas

501. Vegas

Aired November 2, 2003

After Hal has a dream about winning a fortune on a slot machine, he jumps at the chance to enter Dewey's rabbit in a national competition in Sin City. Malcolm feels bad after telling Lois she embarrasses him so he treats her to tickets to see her favorite musician, Boone Vincent (David Cassidy). Meanwhile, Francis can't stop screwing up on the ranch.

Quote from Otto

Francis: Otto.
Otto: Oh, are you still here? I thought you quit.
Francis: You were right. This is my fault. For some reason, I've been sabotaging everything lately. Knowing that I've been here for a year, it's like people are depending on me now. And I know that at some point, I'm going to let them down.
Otto: Don't be ridiculous. [groans] No one... expects you to be perfect. If I wanted perfection I would have hired a robot or a Swede, but I hired you, Francis, because you're smart, you're a hard worker, and when you make a mistake, you fix it. If falling down a well every once in a while is the price I must pay to have you, so be it.
Francis: Thanks, Otto.

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Quote from Hal

Lois: Look. Your Aunt Felicia sent us two presents for the baby.
Hal: A ballerina outfit and a football?
Lois: Well, I guess she's hedging her bets. I mean, Jamie could be a name for either sex. Well, I guess I'll just send this one to Goodwill.
Hal: Oh, that's ridiculous. The birth announcement clearly said that Jamie's a... Hey. They changed the little dinosaur.
Lois: That's right. All it takes is one look to see that Jamie is clearly a... [Reese groans] Reese, for crying out loud!
Hal: How can anyone not know what you are? [the baby pees up in the air] Ooh-ooh. Nice try, mister.

Quote from Reese

Reese: Come on, Gordo. One more bite and it's all gone.
Dewey: What are you doing with my rabbit?
Reese: Just giving him his afternoon bacon.
Dewey: He's too fat. You have to stop feeding him. I'm the one who has to sit through the Junior Farmers' meetings while everyone makes fun of him.
Reese: Those people are small-minded idiots who have no idea what we're trying to do.
Dewey: What are we trying to do?
Reese: I don't know. I kind of had this vision of me riding him through town, knocking over cars, but that's probably not realistic.

Quote from Otto

Otto: Fire! Fire! Francis, there's a fire!
Francis: What? Where?
Otto: Right here on your cake.
Francis: God, it's been a year already?
Gretchen: As of 9:31.
Otto: So far, your first three hours of year two are going much better than I ever could have hoped.

Quote from Hal

Hal: Malcolm. Malcolm, I need to talk to you. You read all those science magazines. What can you tell me about the meaning of dreams?
Malcolm: Dreams? Well, some people think they express your subconscious wishes...
Hal: No, no, no, no, no. The other kind of dreams, prophetic ones that predict the future. I had one. About a giant slot machine.
Malcolm: That's insane, Dad.
Hal: Oh, it was so vivid. There, there was this mysterious stain on my shirt and- and a balloon, and then this music and then I hit this gigantic jackpot. It was a sign, son. I know it. It's my destiny.
Malcolm: Dad. You have weird dreams all the time. Like the singing trash cans.
Hal: I never said that was prophetic. I said it was cool.

Quote from Dewey

Reese: Well? What did they think of Gordo?
Dewey: They called him a monster. Then they called me a crime against nature. Maybe it was the other way around. All I remember is, I was crying.

Quote from Reese

Reese: What's the matter? Never seen an 80-pound rabbit before?

Quote from Reese

Reese: My God, look at these puny rabbits. What do people do with them?
Dewey: I don't know. Maybe love them and hug them and watch them hop around the backyard, which they can do because their feet can touch the ground.
Reese: I bet Gordo could fit that one in his mouth.

Quote from Malcolm

Malcolm: [to camera] The worst part is, this is my first concert. [panties land on Malcolm's head]
Woman: Those aren't for you! Pass 'em up!

Quote from Malcolm

Malcolm: [to Jamie] Cry, scream, projectile vomit! Do something to get us out of here!

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