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‘Poker #2’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

Malcolm in the Middle: Poker #2

318. Poker #2

Aired April 21, 2002

Hal has the Abe and the guys over for a poker game. Meanwhile, Reese helps Stevie talk to a girl by claiming that he's got a fatal illness.

Quote from Stevie

Police Officer: Just tell me what happened.
Abe: We... were playing... cards.
Police Officer: OK. Let's start with you.
Stevie: Well... it's like... this.

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Quote from Stevie

Kristen: [shouts] Would you like something from the kitchen?
Stevie: [shouts] No... thank you.
Kristen: [shouts] He doesn't want anything.
Reese: Do you think they'll offer to change his diapers?
Malcolm: I can't believe Stevie's putting up with this.
Reese: You know what, I'll take care of it. Girls, let me explain something about Stevie. He's no different than the rest of us. He plays video games, he does chores around the house, he goes to the movies with friends. He leads a completely normal life. Which makes it even sadder that he only has two months to live.
Kristen: What?
Stevie: What?
Reese: Stevie, they have a right to know.
Chandra: Oh, my God, is it true? [places hand on Stevie's shoulder]
Stevie: I've been told... I'm very brave.
Chandra & Kristen: Aw!

Quote from Stevie

Reese: The doctors are baffled. Stevie's brain is too big for his head. It's pressing up against his skull. They say he only has two months before it explodes.
Stevie: It's called... encephalo... neurop... er, litis.

Quote from Stevie

Abe: Stevie?! What are you doing?
Dewey: Where's Reese?
Reese: [o.s.] About to take a scented bath. What's going on?
Brian: Lamb chop, put your sweater on.
Stevie: Dad, I... [uses inhaler]
Abe: Stevie, how co- [uses inhaler]
Stevie: It's not... [inhales] what it looks like.
Abe: Well, it looks... [inhales] like she was on your lap! [both use inhalers] [boom] [all scream]
Chandra: Oh, my God, his head exploded!

Quote from Reese

Kristen: How horrible!
Malcolm: What do you think you're doing?
Reese: Helping Stevie. It's weird but it feels good. I like being the hero.
Malcolm: You're pimping a fatal disease to take advantage of a girl!
Reese: For good.

Quote from Stevie

Chandra: I've never met anyone who was gonna die.
Stevie: We're all dying... I'm just... going... before Thanksgiving.
Chandra: That's terrible.
Stevie: It makes me... appreciate... the time... I have.
Chandra: Wow! That's beautiful.
Stevie: You're so... alive. Can I tongue-kiss you?
Chandra: What?
Stevie: I'm sorry. The pressure on my brain. Aghh, aghhh.
Chandra: Ohhh, you poor baby! [hugs him]

Quote from Hal

Hal: Two. [guys scoff]
Brian: Just twice a week?
Hal: Oh, per week? Oh, then... 14.
Brian: 14? Come on.
Malik: No way.
Abe: No, he's telling the truth. Believe me, I went on vacation with him. If anything, he's underselling himself.
Hal: Well, I guess I win. I mean, it's none of your business.

Quote from Stevie

Stevie: Hey.
Chandra: You're Stevie, right?
Kristen: [loudly] Can we help you in?
Stevie: I'm not... deaf.
Chandra: Aw, did you hear him breathe?
Kristen: Aw.

Quote from Stevie

Chandra: Stevie, this is so unfair.
Stevie: I have... no regrets. Well... one.

Quote from Stevie

Reese: Thanks, Chandra, this light's much better for his eyes. [music plays]
Stevie: The music... helps regulate... my heartbeat.
Reese: I just have to go call his vitals in to the doctor.

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