Malcolm: What the hell is wrong with me?! Why can't I just learn to shut up?
Stevie: We're... the same. We speak... before... we think.

Stevie: I hope... my wheelchair... fits in the... make-out closet.

Police Officer: Just tell me what happened.
Abe: We... were playing... cards.
Police Officer: OK. Let's start with you.
Stevie: Well... it's like... this.

Malcolm: [to camera] Since Stevie's mom deserted him, he's been living a little more dangerously. Yesterday he read a book in dim light. Now he's making his first prank phone call.
Stevie: [on the phone] Hello... is your... refrigerator... Yeah... it's me.

Malcolm: These are good cookies.
Stevie: Yeah... they're good.
Malcolm: So what can you do? I mean, what do you want to do?
Stevie: I know... a joke.
Malcolm: Yeah? Okay.
Stevie: A guy... goes into... a bar... and he... has a... frog... on... his...
Malcolm: Frog on his head.
Stevie: And the... bartender... Wait, I screwed up. A frog... goes into... a bar.

Stevie: And still... he has... nothing!
Malcolm: Alright. You know what? That's it! I'm writing about you doing a movie.
Stevie: But my movie's... about your paper.
Malcolm: Yeah. I'm doing my paper about your movie about me doing my paper!
Stevie: Fine! My movie's... about you doing... your paper... about me doing... my...
Malcolm: Alright, I get it!
Stevie: ... movie... about you...

Reese: Hey, I'm getting good with my left. Thanks, Stevie.
Stevie: I... give up. I'm going to... the car.
[As Stevie rolls away, he removes his glasses and wipes away a tear]
Malcolm: Way to go, Reese.
Reese: Aw, geez!
[As Reese gets up and walks over to Stevie, he looks at the fish tank and sees Stevie making the circle gesture]
Stevie: Crying on... command... got me... a cable modem.

Malcolm: Oh, my God.
Stevie: Call... nine... one...

[After Stevie lands in a pile of cardboard boxes after his runaway wheelchair rolls up a ramp:]
Malcolm: Oh, my God! Stevie, are you okay?!
Stevie: Can't feel my legs.
Malcolm: That's not funny.

Stevie: In your... face.