Malcolm: Are you studying?
Reese: Yeah. My stupid teachers wait until the end of my senior year to tell me I have final exams. In every single class! I've got to get serious now. If the finals are anything like this practice test, it's gonna be brutal.
Malcolm: It's just a bunch of true/false questions.
Reese: So it's a 50-50 chance. Do you know what the odds are of getting one of those right?

Malcolm: Did you pull an all nighter?
Reese: Yeah. Math. I kept getting confused, so I'm making a list of all the numbers... 3,082. Where do they stop?

Hal: Mulberry Village. A new utopia!
Malcolm: What the hell is all this stuff?
Hal: Oh, just a few compulsory guidelines to help people make the transition.
Malcolm: Failure to smile 'Hello', $50 fine? Not knowing your neighbor's name, $25? Failure to remove your fence, $100?
Hal: People can be resistant to change.
Malcolm: What's the "Hug your child" initiative?
Hal: Everyone has to publicly hug their child at least once a day. A hotline will be set up so that children can inform on non-hugging parents.
Malcolm: You're going to make kids inform on their parents?
Hal: Parents, neighbors, teachers, everybody! If they've got nothing to hide, they've got nothing to worry about.
Malcolm: Tell me about the "reeducation center."
Hal: Oh! That's where the best, most neighborly children will be plucked from the corrupting influence of their families, and immersed in round-the-clock friendliness training. I call them the Mulberry Youth.
Malcolm: Dad, give me the fliers.
Hal: Thank you, son, but they've already been distributed throughout the whole neighborhood. Like a modern-day Martin Luther, I nailed them to the front doors. [crowd noises] Maybe we should go out the back door and spend the rest of the day at the library. Not now, Malcolm. The villagers are coming.

Malcolm: What's up with Mom?
Reese: She just saw my report card. I flunked out of every single class.
Malcolm: What?
Reese: Every single one of my finals, I got every question wrong.
Malcolm: Oh, my God.
Reese: I know. Now I get to repeat my senior year! Isn't this great? I worked so hard for this. I had to make sure I flunked every class so completely, I couldn't make it up in summer school. Now I don't have to move out or go to college or get a job for a whole 'nother year! This is the greatest achievement of my entire life!

[Reese and Lois are folding laundry and watching TV together:]
Reese: So, if Rex Huntington is the finest doctor in Spring Valley, why is he defending Jessica in the murder trial.
Lois: Because, before he got pushed off that mountain and got amnesia, he was the finest lawyer in Spring Valley.
Reese: What I can't believe is Jessica is having an affair with the judge. I mean, he's totally using her to get his hands on the Farnsworth fortune.
[When Malcolm returns home, Reese turns the TV off and gets up to yell at his mother]
Reese: You can't ground me! That fire could have been started by anybody! Why don't you ever take my side?! You never listen anything I say!
[After Malcolm leaves the living room, Reese sits back down on the couch and turns the TV back on]
Lois: You know, Reese, some very manly men watch soap operas with their mothers.

Hal: $23 for the neighborhood association. The annual meeting is tomorrow night.
Lois: It's been a year already? Those people are relentless. You think, if we showed up once, they'd stop inviting us?
Hal: That's always been the pattern.
Lois: Hal, don't worry. You have a good excuse. Tomorrow you're cleaning the dead possum out of the chimney. The smell has gotten so bad, I can't tell when Jamie needs changing anymore.
Hal: You know, if we just wait a few more weeks, it'll disintegrate on its own.
Lois: Tomorrow, Hal. I'm sick of all those crows on roof.

Dewey: [answers phone] Chad, I have to finish correcting everyone's homework. It's been in your mouth a half an hour. Either spit it out or swallow it.
Francis: Dewey?
Dewey: Oh, hey, Francis. You want to talk to Mom?
Francis: No. I called to talk to you.
Dewey: Me? Really?
Francis: Yeah. Listen. I'm up for a job as activities director at a summer camp, but I have to show them what kind of program I can put together. I need you to help me.
Dewey: You want my help?
Francis: Yeah. I have all these great ideas for games, so I'm gonna come home tomorrow so I can play them with you. You know, to make sure they're fun enough. So how does that sound?
Dewey: Like a setup for a cruel practical joke, but I'm willing to take the risk.

Dewey: I win!
Francis: Good job. Okay, Dewey, of all the things we did today, what seemed like it could be more fun? The rainbow obstacle course or the tickle maze or the shower of lollipops?
Dewey: Honest to God, it was all fantastic. It was by far the best day of my life.
Francis: I can make you happier.

Hal: So, how's my little bureaucrat?
Malcolm: Fantastic. I'm just finishing up the details in all the neighborhood initiatives you've been talking about.
Hal: I was?
Malcolm: Yeah. Remember you said, "I hope I do a good job"? Obviously that mean structural improvements: like installing lights at the basketball court and building a skate park and Friday night dance parties with a killer DJ.
Hal: Isn't that kind expensive?
Malcolm: You have to think of it as an investment. It's actually expensive not to do it.
Hal: There's $87,000 in the account?
Malcolm: Well, a lot of it gets eaten up servicing the infrastructure. Like, there's no point in having a DJ if you're not going to have a really rock sound system.

Hal: Why don't we just give the homeowners a refund check?
Malcolm: We could. But then we wouldn't have the money for what you said was the most important thing: security.
Hal: Security is big.
Malcolm: I've been racking my brain, trying find a way to give every area equal protection. I wish there was some magic kind of mobile security system that could weave through the neighborhood.
Hal: Like a security car?
Malcolm: Dad, that's brilliant! And then citizens from the neighborhood could drive a car out to make sure there's no trouble.
Hal: I don't know. Purchasing a car isn't the only expense. You got to think about storage fees... Wait, we could park it at our house.
Malcolm: You have a real talent for this.