Otto: Francis, you have inspired me to new heights. See how I have captured the confident power of your torso, the sheer arrogance of your ass.

Otto: Ah, Francis. I am such a lucky man. When I left for this country, all of my friends are warning me, "Otto, Otto, be careful. People will try to take advantage of you." But this is not the case. Like that Mr. Dodson. He knows so much more about ranching than I do. But does he act all superior and high and mighty? No! No! Instead, he teaches me. Like before today, I did not know that cows need ultraviolet protection.
Francis: What? What is this stuff?
Otto: Sunscreen. For cows.
Francis: Otto, how much did you pay for this?
Otto: $200 a bucket, plus, of course the zinc for their noses. [vehicle departs outside] Do not worry. I already paid him.

Francis: I specifically told you guys stay away from those ATVs! What the hell were you thinking?!
Hal: They don't think, Francis. They never have! The only thing their heads are good for is to plug up their necks.
Otto: [points at Dewey] I blame the oldest one. The others follow him like sheep!

Otto: I disown all of you! All of you! I never thought I would feel ashamed of being German.

Gretchen: This is where you will stay. It's a guest cabin, but you can do whatever you want to make it feel homey.
Otto: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Move your furniture, put up pictures. If you want to hammer a sandwich to the wall, you can do it. So, Francis, tell me, you like horses?
Francis: I honestly have no idea.
Otto: I love horses. Their bodies are so big and their feet are so tiny, they make me laugh. [chuckles]
Piama: This is just so generous and nice of you. This place is so beautiful. I never want to leave.
Gretchen: Oh, this is what happened to Otto. We were on vacation and Otto was so happy to be away from the stress of running the factory.
Otto: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 25 iron lung machines per day, and if you make one teeny little mistake, boy, do you hear about it.

Otto: This will be wunderbar. The two old men go for a ride. See the beauty of the desert, commune with nature...
Hal: I just hate to take up too much of your time.
Otto: Oh, I already told the horses that we're going. Don't make me look bad. [horse whinnies]
Hal: Whoo! Wh- What's the matter with this horse?
Otto: Nothing. Buttercup is very sweet. [horse whinnies] Are you sure you're not still angry with the boys? Buttercup is very good at picking up unresolved feelings.
Francis: No. I told you, I'm over it. I'm fine.
Otto: Buttercup is never wrong. Once, Gretchen made me an omelet with mushrooms. Oh, I hate mushrooms. But I didn't say anything. I had two helpings. Well, Buttercup forced me to go back and confront her. We had the best sex we had had in years. Thank you, Buttercup.
Hal: Maybe I should ride your horse.
Otto: Good idea. Scout doesn't pick up on anything... unless you're secretly gay.

Otto: Helga, this cheese is magnificent. [laughs] Would you like to try just a little bite? No? How could you not like cheese? It is made from something that comes from you.
Francis: Hey, Otto.
Otto: Ooh. Francis. Have you seen Helga's squeaky toy? It's the one that looks like a little fire hydrant.
Francis: No, but I did get in the new branding iron.
Otto: Shh. Do you want to scare the poor thing out of her wits?
Francis: Otto, I know how much you love Helga, but we have to do this. All the cows have to get branded and de-wormed. I promise I will be very careful.
Otto: [fretful mutter] But don't tell her about it. You know, she is not as brave as she looks. I told her one ghost story around the campfire, and she had to sleep between me and Gretchen for a week.

Otto: Someone was out of bed bright and early this morning.
Francis: [chuckles] Yeah, Gretchen left me a note. Can't seem to find it anywhere. I think it may have been about your violent night terrors.
Otto: What are you talking about?
Francis: I don't speak terrified German, but you must have been having some pretty horrific dreams.
Otto: That's ridiculous. I never dream.
Francis: What?
Otto: I never dream. I go to sleep; eight hours later, I wake up with a slight sore throat just like everybody else.
Francis: You screamed for hours.
Otto: I think it was you that had the bad dream, but don't worry, I know just what to do. I will give you a nice, oily massage before bedtime, you will sleep like a baby.

Francis: Hey, Otto. What's this?
Otto: It's called a mount. It is an artificial cow's hindquarters. This will allow us to extract precious seed from Bruno. [bull grunts] He cost me a fortune, but there is gold in those schlapels.
Francis: Can't we just let him go out and mount the heifers?
Otto: No, Bruno is much too rough for my girls. They have lived very sheltered lives. Most of them are even embarrassed by the milking.
Francis: I'm gonna have to be the one to work this, aren't I?
Otto: It is not as bad as you think. All you have to do is climb inside. Bruno will mount you, offer his shwarzencaufin, you will extract the seed.
Francis: That's a million times worse than I thought!
Otto: Oh, now, Francis. There's nothing to be afraid of. Hmm, I wonder why you have to wear goggles.

Otto: Ah. Is everything good to go?
Francis: I think so.
Otto: How do you plan to work her?
Francis: What do you mean, "work her"?
Otto: Well, you know, you will sit there, waiting for Bruno to become fersploten and enter the artificial hoonincootz. And then maybe you rock the hips a little bit. Maybe you tease him with the tail. Gosh. I hope this is sturdy enough to take his weight. You know, he weighs 4,000 pounds. And when his passion is aroused, he may come down with crushing force!
Francis: I want a raise.
Otto: Yeah. All right.