Otto: Ah, Francis. I am such a lucky man. When I left for this country, all of my friends are warning me, "Otto, Otto, be careful. People will try to take advantage of you." But this is not the case. Like that Mr. Dodson. He knows so much more about ranching than I do. But does he act all superior and high and mighty? No! No! Instead, he teaches me. Like before today, I did not know that cows need ultraviolet protection.
Francis: What? What is this stuff?
Otto: Sunscreen. For cows.
Francis: Otto, how much did you pay for this?
Otto: $200 a bucket, plus, of course the zinc for their noses. [vehicle departs outside] Do not worry. I already paid him.

Malcolm: How do you go through your life without worrying that bad things are going to happen?
Reese: I don't know. I guess if I feel myself starting to worry, I just sing the Minty-Mint song in my head. [sings] They're cool, they're fresh, they'll clean your breath Minty-Mints are your breath's friend.
Malcolm: So, when I just asked you that question about failing, you were thinking about that song?
Reese: Yep.
Lois: [o.s.] Boys, for the last time, get in here, and help me with these groceries now!
Reese: [lays back down on bed] Minty-Mints are your breath's friend. [chuckles]

Dewey: You're going to the steamroller, aren't you?
Hal: [gasps] So what if I am? I rented it. Why shouldn't I get to use it? It's a free country.
Dewey: Dad, you've been crushing things for five days straight. Have you even slept?
Hal: That's the thing, Dewey. Ever since I got the steamroller, I don't have to sleep. It's like the laws of nature don't apply to me.
Dewey: What's this?
Hal: Nothing.
Dewey: It's a brochure for a wrecking ball.
Hal: It's not even mine, okay? I'm just holding it for a friend.
Dewey: Dad, I think you have a problem.
Hal: Why can't everyone just leave me alone?!

[As Reese eats cereal at the kitchen table, Lois walks over with a laundry basket and smiles at him]
Reese: What? [Lois keeps smiling] What? [Lois keeps smiling] Okay, I ate the cupcakes you baked for Dewey's class last night. And I took Dad's license to make a fake I.D. And I can't return your necklace because I already sold it.
Lois: I was just going to say your shirt didn't go with your pants.
Reese: Oh. Phew!

Malcolm: Reese, you're a genius.
Reese: What?
Malcolm: That girl, Alison, just asked me why everyone in the world has accents except for us. And instead of going into this long explanation, I thought of the Minty-Mint song. And all that came out of my mouth was, "Because they're weird," and she liked it.
Reese: Cool.
Malcolm: I could actually feel my brain click off. She said I was cute, and then she touched my shoulder.
Reese: Let's keep this in the family, understand?

Dewey: "College fund"?!
Hal: Dewey! Hi. What brings you out on such a lovely day?
Dewey: I was following my dad on his secret steamroller.
Hal: Oh, it's not just a steamroller, son. This is a culmination of everything I've worked for in my entire life. And I've also managed to put away some money for your college. Which, if interest rates hold... Oh, all right! If you don't tell your mother, I'll let you squash something.
Dewey: Can I squash Reese's bike?
Hal: Sure. It's in the trunk.

Malcolm: [to camera] You want to know what's great? Not thinking so much. It's cool. Usually I'd be all stressed out like Stevie. But I figure life should be... What's the word? Funner.

Malcolm: [answers phone] Hello?
Francis: Malcolm, good, you're home. Listen. Is there some scientific way to find out if something is pudding without actually tasting it?
Malcolm: Is it chocolate?
Francis: No. Why, would that make a difference?
Malcolm: I like chocolate. It's browner than the not-chocolate stuff.
Francis: You didn't by any chance find that coffee can in the garage, did you?

Alison: So what do you like better, slow dancing or fast dancing?
Malcolm: Slow dancing.
Alison: [gasps] Me, too. Unless the fast dance song, like, really rocks.
Malcolm: Yeah. [to camera] I can't believe the awesomeness of how awesome this is.

Otto: Francis, what happened to you?
Francis: Otto, I have to tell you something. There is no such thing as sunscreen for cows.
Otto: What are you talking about?
Francis: The guy, he was ripping you off. But don't worry, I took care of it. I got you your money back.
Otto: Ugh! I am such an idiot. It is my fault you had to fight. I'm sorry. And thank you.
Francis: It's okay.
Otto: You know what? There is a man in my office right now, and I am suspicious of him, too. Come, you will meet him. Okay, show my friend here what you are selling me.
Giant Man: This here's a magic stick. It finds water.
Francis: Oh, yeah. I've seen these. [grabs twig] It's got the good Swenson bevel on there. Yeah, these are great.