Kitty: A sleepover?! At someone else's house?!
Abe: Don't you like sleeping here, son?
Kitty: I don't think this is a good idea, Steve. I mean, Malcolm's family doesn't have a HEPA filter air purifier and God knows how outmoded their alarm system is. They probably don't even have motion detectors.
Abe: Be honest, son. Is it my snoring?
Kitty: You have a perfectly good hypo-allergenic mattress here to sleep on. I just don't see the point.
Stevie: It would help... me feel... normal. [rolls away] Fish... in a barrel.

Reese: What did you hear?
Dewey: Everything. I want to go to the fair.
Malcolm: No, Dewey. You're too young.
Dewey: Take me or I'll tell Mom.
Reese: If you do, I'll just stomp the crap out of you.
Dewey: Go ahead. I'm still telling.
Malcolm: Dewey, you're not going and you're not telling. If you blab to Mom, we'll take every pet you ever get and set it free.
Reese: We'll destroy every toy, every game, everything you ever love.
Dewey: Do what you have to.

Reese: Uh-oh.
Malcolm: [to camera] This is like the beginning of every horror movie I've ever seen.
Reese: I think we should all split up.

Kitty: How can this be happening? Stevie never used to do things like this. He used to be such a good boy. He used to hold my yarn while I knitted. And I would hold his yarn while he knitted.
Abe: He made this sweater.

Francis: [on the phone] No, just you're kind of putting me in an awkward position. I mean, you're asking me to rat out my brothers.
Lois: Francis, we're just worried about the boys. They're not going to get into trouble.
Francis: Oh? When did they get new parents?
Kitty: Listen, you little miscreant, you better tell me where they are before I jump through the phone and rip that smart mouth off that damn face!
Francis: Who is that?
Kitty: My name is Kitty Kenarban, and my little boy Stevie is out there lost. His inhaler is running out, and he's got poor night vision.
Francis: Wait, Stevie's with them? Okay, you didn't hear it from me, but I'd check out the old paint factory. It's fun to blow up the old cans of varnish. Oh, and the knife store on Fifth has a back door that's loose. If Stevie could swim... then I'd guess they'd be 40 miles downstream by now. Look, just start at these places. The others are too alarming, and there's no sense in needlessly scaring you.

Abe: [answers car phone] Hello?
Francis: Hey, it's me. I talked to Richie. He has a couple ideas if you want to hear them.
Hal: Roger that, Francis. Over.
Francis: First off, he said the porno shop on Radford is having a parking lot sale. Oh, yeah, and the county fair is in town right now. [Lois and Hal sigh]
Abe: All right. [turns car around]
Lois: Of course, the fair.
[Abe turns the car around again]

Hal: Well, I've solved two mysteries: Why the toaster was stinking up the house and where Dewey left his goldfish.

Stevie: Wait. I haven't... finished yet.
[The boys were staring at an advertisement for bras]
Reese: Hey, check it out the county fair.
Malcolm: Look at that. They got a roller coaster, a side show, knife throwers.
Stevie: Your name... written on... rice.

Reese: Oh, man, this is the last weekend. We've got to go.
Malcolm: Yeah, like Mom will ever let us go.
Stevie: Why does... she have... to know?
Malcolm: You got an idea?
Stevie: Maybe... you guys... could come... for a sleepover.
Malcolm: Your parents aren't going to let us go to the fair.
Stevie: They'll think... that I'm... sleeping... at your house.
Malcolm: Double alibi.
Reese: It's a classic for a reason.
Stevie: Can you... talk your mom... into... sleeping over?
Malcolm: Mom, can we sleep over at Stevie's tonight?
Lois: [o.s.] Sure!
Stevie: Now for... my parents.

Malcolm: Dewey's going to go with us to Stevie's.
Lois: Why?
Reese: Because we like him.
Dewey: I'm just fun.